Scary Hair

ALLEGRA, Please come home and cut my hair!!!!!!!

Just looked in the mirror and SCARED the crap out of myself. My hair is having an amazingly BAD BAD day. Don't have a hat here, no clippies, or scrunchies, I'm just screwed. Maybe I can find one of my daughter's things in the car. I've got strange "every day is an adventure" hair. It's either absolutely fabulous (rarely), slightly strange (normally), or freaking nasty (TODAY). One of my favorite memories is the "day of the bad haircuts" back in Emporia. Jildo, Betsy and I got our hair cut at an upscale (expensive) salon. Jildo & Betsy's do's were very nice. Mine was crooked. So, very nicely, I went back and asked if she'd even up the front as one side near my face was about an inch longer than the other and it bugged the crap out of me. Apparently, I pissed the woman off, and ended up with much shorter, more crooked hair. I'm almost in tears, Jildo says "it'll be ok Tina, we'll fix it". We go to every other shop in town, only one can get me in that day and it is no longer crooked, just kind of crappy looking...I get to the point that I can't stand the feel of the hair on my head, it's so freaky. We take off for Topeka and hit the mall at about 45 minutes before closing time on a SATURDAY so I'd have to stand my new crappy do until TUESDAY as beauty salons close Sun & Mon. Needless to say, I came home with almost NO hair left. It was shorter than most of the guys I knew, but with bangs and a touch of attidude.....basically if I wasn't petite, I would have looked like my big butch lesbian friends. They gave me a hard time as well.

Apparently I have "difficult" hair as it's thick and grows in a wierd circular pattern and has a mind of its own. Then I also have a touch of an obsession with it (I know, hard to believe that anyone would write an essay on hair). SO after years of bad haircuts, I met this wild woman, Allegra. She is a flamboyant, beautiful black lady with long gorgeous hair and slightly scary fingernails. We met at a friend's bachelorette party. She came up to me and said, "oh honey, you are STUCK in the 80's, please let me help you." and gave me a $50 gift certificate for a hair cut or a massage or whatever at her day spa. I came in, she cut on my hair for an hour (I swear to God) and I walked out of there with this new energy & charisma. She teases me that my new hair would give me power like a super-hero. Now, years later, I can't go to anyone else. There is some serious good-kharma powers in what she does to my hair. BUT she's in CALIFORNIA doing hair-weaves on a bunch of rich baseball players' wives that fell under her spell here in KC.

I put in a desperation, "don't make me get my own scissors out" call to Allegra, so hopefully she'll come home soon and rescue me from my scary hair days....

Yup, I've really got to get a life if that's my biggest worry of the day.