Getting my attitude back

"I will dare to just do what I do. Be just what I am. And dance whenever I want to."
--Beverly Williams

HA HA She-Rah is back. I found myself drifting back into "meek Christine mode" and it scared me. No big, bad husband breaking my will, nope, I was letting life hold me down in limbo-mode. I made my little life plans last week and am actually working towards them. I think this running (ok jogging/walking) thing could be empowering as well. I can't control much in my life, but I can choose to be strong, happy and all that. OK, enough pro-woman crap, sorry, I could be the best soap-box, televangilist, cult-leader type when I really get going...can be scary. ANWAY, not letting myself get pushed around any longer. I'm going to be nice, ladylike and tough as shit.

Normally when I have a bad experience with someone, I'll continue the sake of niceties and be polite and end up encouraging people I'd rather get out of my life. I am now vowing to surround myself with positive people and get rid of the negative.

Went back to bowling last night. The one scratch league for women in KC has a strange mix of people. Tough, manly-girls, old ladies who can still knock your ego down with charm, ladies who can't get competitive in life so they are freaking NUTS on the lanes, and normal women too. Interesting mix. SO I had TWO creepy BAD blind dates show up last night as well, as they knew I used to bowl this league. UGH. #1 was a bald (not that there's anything wrong with that--I think Sean Connery and Captain Picard were both sexy but this guy ISN'T) creepy guy that was almost a freaking stalker after one date just "happened" to stop by the bowling alley. eewwww. I used to be polite and make small talk but decided, nope, not the tough strong one, not me. He made a slightly sexual comment and I told him, though we had such a lovely time (gag) on our date, I'm not interested in pursuing our friendship and would appreciate it if he would spend his efforts on some other lucky woman. He almost cried. One down.

THEN an attractive, successful gentleman that took me to dinner & drinks on the Plaza and entertained me with stories and a lovely evening until the kiss good-night stopped by to say hello to a friend bowling in the other end of the center. This guy was smooth, fun, attractive, wealthy and CREEPED me out with our goodnight kiss. Instead of a normal, sweet kiss, or even a passionate thing, it was this wierd start to a normal kiss, and he JAMS his tongue all hard and pointy into my mouth a few times really fast. I can't describe it other than to say it was this wierd desperation thing like BAM BAM BAM until I stepped back fast and said, "OK then", and got into my car and took off. Told him it was so nice to see him, but Jeez sorry, I'm involved. two down.

I'm no longer doing "favors" for people and going out with their friends who would be "perfect" for me. There's a REASON these guys have to have BLIND dates.