Thursday, December 30, 2004

The worst blind date in the history of man

Dang blogger......I had a nice LONG post last night, of course did not think to save it somewhere else first, and blogger ATE it. Stinking blogger. Here's the 2nd time around.

First, I had a lovely evening with my old friend Bill. We ate Italian at a quaint little restaurant with the WORST bartender and WORST waitress ever until they got their tips after dinner and then we decided to get a bottle of wine.....then they were stinking all over us. NOTE to self.....when eating out somewhere nice, tip BEFORE the meal so you can get that service WHILE TRYING TO GET your food. Very nice evening, he's off to Hilton Head, SC now, so I have a nice place to go visit sometime.

OK, a few posts ago I recounted the 2nd worst blind date in the history of woman-hood and have had a few requests for the winner of the contest. I actually DID win a radio station contest and got a free dinner & movie for 2 as a result of telling the story a few years ago. Here it goes. If anyone can top me, I'd love to hear it. I do know many women have been raped or other horrible things happen on dates, but this is the worst of any non-criminal blind date I've ever heard about.

A long, long time ago when I was 20 yrs old, I was home from college for the summer and a girlfriend did the "oh, my boyfriend's cousin is in town and we can't go out tonight unless you go out with his cousin....." so I said I'd at least meet the guy. He was cute, seemed relatively intelligent and said he had an extra ticket to an event at Kemper Arena, so I said what the heck, ok.......famous last words, right?

So, he picks me up in an old restored blue mustang convertible and I'm thinking oh, this'll be fun......then we drive to his relative's house so I can MEET his parents. ON A BLIND DATE. Ok, I thought that was a bit wierd, but no biggie. Then when we leave, his dad and little 10 yr old brother come outside with us and everyone gets into this station wagon complete with the fake wood siding peeling off. I was told they had the other tickets, so we'll all go together. Again, a bit wierd, but I'm a trooper. We park about a mile or THREE from Kemper in the HOOD as daddy doesn't want to spring for the $5 for parking and won't take money from a lady. (see how long ago this was? parking now is at least $15 per event there) BEFORE we go any further, you need to realize this is the late 80's and it was a time of preppy Gap people and penny loafers and big hair.

It turns out not to be a concert, the "event" was Hulk Hogan had come to KC for a big wrestling match. This was BEFORE wrestling had become this strangely almost cool because it's so fake thing. NOPE, this was back when people truly believed everything that happened in that ring was REAL. We truck up to the tip top of the arena and sit amongst what I swear to God is the reunion from Deliverance. My date springs for ONE coke for the four of us and suddenly I wasn't too thirsty. These people went CRAZY. The scene is one little girl in penny loafers and a Gap button down and about 8,000 people in stained wife-beater's (nasty white tank tops that didn't cover their bellies), ripped jeans, no sleeves and that fun long skanky hair in the back with feathered sides (men and women both).... We sat next to this lovely lady in her 60's who had no lower front teeth. She was able to spit chaw through the hole and I figured I'd better hold my purse in my lap. Next to her was her 80-something yr old mom who kept screaming "rip his balls off Hulk" through the entire 3 hour event, even when only women were in the ring. She also swung her metal cane around in the air and beat it on the backs of the seats around us. I did see the famous Hulk and I think he won, can't really remember, but I also saw a bunch of midgits fight the largest woman I ever saw and she sat on a few of them at one point. SO, in a nutshell, I was surrounded by crazies who looked like there had been a bit too much playing in the same gene pool and this crazy old lady cracked me on the shin with her cane telling me to "watch my balls or they'll get ripped off too" while her daughter was spitting juices and trying to teach me how I could learn even though I was unlucky enough to still have all my teeth. It was a bit of a culture shock for this sheltered little Johnson County girl, but again, I come from tough stock so I just people watched, and dodged the spit and blood and all that. There were at least 4 serious fights in the stands and you had to watch out for people getting thrown through the air as well.

So, the long LONG night comes to a close and I sigh a little sigh of relief. But, wait, there's more......instead of walking with the thousands of people to our car we walk to the back of Kemper to stand in a line with about 15 other losers. There the three men I'm with (skinny 10 yr old kid, chubby HAIRY creepy dad, and my date who looked ok until he started dancing around) TAKE THEIR SHIRTS OFF and stand outside the back door for ANOTHER 2 FREAKING HOURS so they can flex while Hulk is escorted into his limo. Hulk was surrounded by about 10 body guards, so you couldn't actually see the guy anyway, buy my little date with a pimply chest & back was flexing next to his dad and brother and they were yelling "rrrrrr, arrrrgh, and Hey Hulkster" and other fun things.

After convincing the guy that I really wasn't up for another wild evening out, I politely thanked him for the evening, dodged a sloppy kiss that ended up with his tongue slurping the side of my face and didn't take any more phone calls......THIS EINSTEIN thinks, oh no, she must be being held captive against her will and came to rescue me from my home. I swear to GOD, the guy was nuts. He comes by our house in a quiet little suburban town where there's more police than actual residents and very little crime so they don't have a whole lot to do.....and the guy tries to break into what he thought was my bedroom window. It was not. The evening ended up with my father (who is the sweetest most peaceful man you'd ever meet in your life) holding a shot gun on the guy asking him to get the heck off our land (just like in the old western shows) (no the gun was not loaded) and about 4 cop cars pull up to escort the guy out of the city limits.

Is it any wonder it took me another 15 years to go on a blind date? And with the track record of 2 blind dates, 2 crazy psychopaths, I'm not thinking any more of these will be in the future.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I'm here, I'm here...

I'm here, but haven't blogged or read anyone's blogs lately and I'm jonsin' to see what's going on and who got what done for Xmas and who's still insanely thinking they can make deadlines like me!

I'm here, but I'm working my butt off and I'm knitting my fingers off. Our family Xmas celebration was moved to this Thursday eve (THREE FREAKING DAYS OFF) and I was overly generous thinking oh, I can just crank out a few more scarves later.....CRAP. THEN I forgot all the LYS's are CLOSED on Mondays, so I got NOTHING accomplished last night, no, that's not true. I completed a quite ugly fluffy scarf with a red/black bernat boa yarn that could have been pretty by itself but I thought I'd mix in my black squiggle just like I have been doing with the splash...but the splash and boa are not really interchangeable, so it's U.G.L.Y....(everybody now, U...G...L...Y...You ain't got no alibi.....) I know, flashbacks from marching band cheers in high school, didn't you know I was a geek back then? and now if I care to admit it.

MORE LATER including fabulous pics of the scarf women....My aunt, the one who retired so she can become "the Knitress" is knitting something for everyone she's related to...and we have a big-ass Catholic family, so the chick has her work cut out for her...anyway, she made me a gorgeous black silky soft warm scarf with a pretty silvery black boucle and a black eyelash that is DIVINE.... and I'm lovin it, especially as all the scarves I liked and wanted to keep for little ol me have been given in presents....actually those I had made for my brother's wife and the other bro's wife to be were given away.....and they want the Schaeffer yarn scarves, NOT the fast 4 hour ones, not really sure how much these little fingers can knit, but we'll see.

Work's its own little unusual place right now. It will sure be quiet next week with just the three of us with local boss man....oh, right, it WON'T be quiet as the other big bosses are coming back to "help out". I won't have the nice corner office to hide in any longer, so will be right out there in view, which always means more work...I should be glad I have a job, but man that unemployment was sounding good...state of KS even pays for college education up to $3000/year....hmmmmmm....Ah well, they won't let go of me until the whole shebbang is gone.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Merry Merry Knitmas & greetings from a psycho

HOLY CRAP there's not much time left before Christmas. Tonight I've got to sew in some ends on a butt-load of scarves & purses & crap. I should do it as soon as I'm done with a project, but of course, I put them all off for LATER. I've also got to sew the noro party purses together and get them felted. Hopefully they'll be dry by the time we have our little family Xmas a few days after the big day.

So, I get the mail yesterday and find all these lovely Christmas cards from family and friends (I almost never get cards out and figure I'd better at least send a few this year or no one will send me any more)...and get all warm & fuzzy feeling reading the dreaded family update letters and laughing at pictures and such, when I get to a card with no return address. Thinking, ah, it's probably from a lazy person like me, open it and it's from Lavere (yes that's actually his real name) some normal card with "love Lavere" written in it. Creepy. OK, the story behind this is he was the 2nd worst blind date EVER IN THE HISTORY OF BLIND DATES....the best friend of one of the bowling center managers I used to work with when I worked in the district office, said he had a nice friend, who just wanted an evening out with no strings attached and he thought we'd be "perfect" for each other. Apparently this manager guy thought I was a total psychotic schizophrenic sociopath as that's what this guy was. FREAKY. We went to lunch (I normally drive myself at dates or drive the guy too so I can leave if I want) and he met me at work and I can't even describe the hour. It was a strange lunch with conversations of about every off-limits topic, how girls that happen to get raped need to have the baby as it's cleansing for them, other strange strange things like that....and I was like looking at this guy with my mouth hanging open in shock the whole time. If I politely tried to change the subject, he'd come out with another one. I cut the time short, figured I'd better not leave the creep at the restaurant because his best friend was waiting to go play golf with him back at work, so drive him back and he won't get out of my car. I swear to God, he won't get out. I finally say, you know, I have to go back to work...inSIDE the building...OUT of the car...and he's still going on about how homeless people actually want to be cold and it is offensive to them to give money or clothing....and he's answering himself like I'm talking and I'm not saying anything. I finally take my purse out of the blazer and go inside to work and tell his freaky-ass best friend to get him the hell out of my car. Then he comes inside CRYING tears running down his face because he thought he may have offended me and he couldn't live with himself...(thinking GOOD, maybe a life without you in it would be safer) but I did not say anything but "oh, no it was lovely thanks". ICK. Time goes on and about every other month a teddy bear or card arrived at the office with no name attached or he'd stand at the other end of the building from our office just talking with his friend and looking like he's not aware of me and then pointing at me like you do in jr. high. After a few talks with his friend that I really REALLY don't want anything to do with him and his friend thinks he just doesn't do well in relationships because he "tries too hard". ICK. SO, I get the new job here in the dungeon and on my last day at the old job I get an envelope with a black thong with my name in beads up the back butt-floss string with no name. CAN WE ALL SAY ICK????? So, let's just say the card is NOT hanging on the door with all the rest lest the psychoticness is catching. My old boss from that job (yes the one I've gone out with a few times lately) told the manager early on to keep his friend away from me or he'd be arrested or physically hurt and that I was actually seeing someone so to give up. I'm not even worrying that the guy has my freaking address to send the card to as I got the same card last year. What the hell? HOW do I attract these people??????? I'm just really hoping not to end up a story on Law & Order some day.

Another post I'll tell you all the story of the WORST blind date ever from when I was 20. Needless to say, I go on no more blind dates. Would you????

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Dang Blogger

I'm still here, just have to do some streamlining on my blogger stuff as I can't get much to show up yet.

Work is pretty interesting...Congrats to Miss Amanda for going out and getting her dream job on the Plaza in the Arts with PAID personal days each stinking month and sick days each stinking month and tons of vacation and they shut down between Christmas and New Years and she'll be surrounded by fabulously gay friends, fabulously rich people and other energetic musical types. YEAH FOR YOU! You can't tell I'm jealous can you? When I was a little girl I always said, "When I grow up, I want to work with natural gas and electricity contracts in a dungeon" Can't you just hear mini me? NO, really, I'm glad to have the job now and am lucky to able to work from home when I need to. It really has worked out great for the both of us.

I think I have knitters elbow.....OW OW OW OW OW.

Quick details of Sat. night. The backless bling bling is officially DEAD. I got the back done, seamed the sides and it was freaking HUGE. I was able to mess with the back to get it tight enough, but if I leaned over, all this extra fabric went flying out to show the stick-on boobs. NOPE. Went to Black & White and found the most amazing black top with sexy brooch and chain straps and a matching bracelet and sexy little black purse....Pics soon I promise!


Friday, December 17, 2004

So THAT's how they make ice cream

More fun

Well, another day down here. I was suffering a bit of the "survivor's guilt" but then realized it's just a job and life goes on. I have to admit I woke up with a case of the "something crawled up my butt and died" syndrome today from a bit of stress thinking about the next few months at work. But, life goes on. I was feeling the worst about the timing of the layoffs here, but the woman who's hit the hardest (who's husband is not working) actually pointed out that it probably saved her a ton. If she hadn't known until January, she would have over-spent on Christmas like we Americans always do, and then been devastated in January when she would have had to pay the bills. So, she's going to scale back the holidays to the things it should be, like joy, family, etc. and is actually working hard to make the transition easier for those of us left behind. I don't know if I'd be that helpful or not if it were me.

After re-knitting the frogged back of the backless bling bling, I realized the pattern was NOT wrong, I was merely RETARDED. SO, after knitting one half THREE times, I thought "huh, that's what you do" and got it done right. Finished at about 1am and need to put it together tonight and get the ribbing along the edges done before Sat. night. I sure hope this damn thing fits after all these "learning opportunities" aka frog times. I can now put stitches back on the needles with ease....frog frog frog it.

Said goodbye to my daughter this morning for her trip to New Mexico. We'll miss her, but she has an unbelievable time down there as her Grandma N. does Christmas like nobody's business. It's the most commercialized, crammed with WAY TOO MANY presents, and UNBELIEVABLE cookies and goodies and such, that it's incredible. I actually still miss Xmas at her house, just don't miss the being-married-to-her-son thing. Joey got some bday presents dropped off for him and doesn't really mind not going this year as I told him he can open one when we get home tonight. We're planning his bday party for Sunday at the same little gymnastics place where Beth had her party. I'm jumping on the giant trampoline as long as my head is not hurting from the big Xmas party Sat. night.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Wow, big work update

OK, so the dungeon's going to be a bit chillier for the next 2 weeks and a whole lot emptier in Jan 2005. Nutshell version, everyone's gone but me and two administrative assistants and the owners. WOW. Miss Amanda is still here with me, and another very sweet woman as well. The next two weeks are going to be horrible. People are mad, sad, crying, quiet, loud, and all the rest. They have to work through the 31st. One woman's husband isn't working right now, and I really REALLY feel bad for her. They will get small severance packages (I think 2 weeks pay) and KS pays well for unemployment, I think it's $350/week, but man, what a surprise right before Christmas.

The not-funny part (for some reason I thought it was funny anyway) is that I'm sitting across from the big three wearing a Sam Adams sweatshirt with a chocolate stain by the neck where my son apparently wiped his face on my during my hug this am, a pony tail, minimal makeup, tennies and faded jeans with cutoff edge that's all stringy.... The last 2 days I've dressed in business attire, with the clients coming and my court date, so today I pick the day to rebel. I'm not even wearing a BRA! THIS is the woman you're putting in charge of the accounting and basically the company? How scary is that? I'm sure they were thinking, nope, this one just can't do it, let's make the sr. analyst do it all..... Ah well. My friend is handling things pretty well, as we pretty much figured we'd all be gone in the new year anyway, but she's almost giddy.

I just had it pointed out to me that without our Controller here any longer, I'm the one that gets all the daily phone calls & stress from the big dogs. He also does ALL the backup and computer stuff.....crap.

The good thing is that I'll be set up to dial in from home to the system should Joey get sick or need to go to the hospital I'll be able to work remotely. That is pretty cool.


Court, men and backless bling

Court went WELL for me. I could've really taken the guy for a lot more $$, but I just wanted it DONE and fair. SO, the ex never even talked with his attorney (or paid anything past the retainer I'm guessing) for the last 2 weeks. His lawyer was the one trying to get it settled and I gave him the ex's cell phone # as he didn't even have it. They went back & forth and I gave the guy credits for traveling expenses and food and hotel rooms, etc. but it worked out to not too much difference in the bottom dollar. I now get extra added to help cover the monthly out-of-pocket since Mr. Man decided he was living in poverty and just couldn't pay it but will hope to soon...... HAH. Well, if he goes over the yearly amount, I send a bill certified and if he doesn't pay, it goes to the courts and he either pays or goes to jail. It sounds terrible, but you have to realize he hasn't paid one penny for out of pocket medical expenses in over 4 years and I've been paying almost $3000/year for Joey's stuff. The best part of the day had to be when his lawyer finally got the ex on the cell phone and said, "I'm signing this now, ok? NO NO NO I'm signing this NOW OK?" then clicked the phone off. I didn't say a word. Everyone signed and it's all done and now I'm getting more than twice what I was before and am happy. :) I asked his laywer if he needed to let Mr. Man know to talk with his bancruptsy lawyer about the increase of our child support so it doesn't garnish his entire paycheck, and he said, "Darlin, it's not my problem any more, let him figure it out." Don't piss off your own laywer. Not a good idea! PLUS if the knucklehead had signed the stupid proposal I had been trying to get him to sign up until 2 days ago, it would have been $150 cheaper a month for him. OK, I admit it, I was doing a bit of evil Bwaaa Haaa Haaa laughing as I drove down the road, I couldn't help it. Score one for the good girls!

MEN....what can I say???? CRAP Well, the other night at the bowling alley I ran into Kenny Rogers aka stalker man, who wanted to give me a Xmas card with "a little something for the kids" and told him very nicely, no thank you, I think it best that you go have a nice Christmas holiday with your family and I really need to concentrate on my family without any outside MARRIED influences, but thank you for thinking of me and now stop thinking of me. ICK. I gave all the details of where this guy lives, his name, cell # to Russell in case I ever turn up missing. I don't feel threatened by him at all, but you gotta watch out with the creepies.

My old friend Bill (ok, the one who used to be my boss at the old job) is back in town for a week or so finishing up his training of the new Dist. Mgr, so I invited him to go with me to the big party Sat. night with my friends. I know I'm going to get teased as he's 11 yrs older than me, but I think it should be fun. I almost didn't ask him but figured, what the heck. I'm getting pissy in my old age. I'm not really worrying about what people think so much any more. We'll see.

Italian Stallion called to say howdy and see what the social life had planned. We may or may not hook up for a night of good food, good drinks at the Cigar Box (small club in downtown KC owned by one of his godfathers) and dancing.... Probably not until between Xmas and New Year's, but it could be fun.

Backless Bling Bling is causing a great deal of cussing from the south part of KC. Can you hear me from there? OH HOLY HELL. I was all excited, cranked out the back, it looked strange, but I thought, oh I'm sure it's fine....went to the LYS, and found a very nice & patient girl who taught me the mattress stitch, and how to pick up stitches, stitched it up and realized it was FUXXED UP and not fixable. With the help of 2 seasoned knitters, we got it back down to the original 10 rows of ribbing and I'm adapting the pattern as I go. YUP, it scares me too. I now have to redo the back, get the dang thing together and then pick up a million stitches and do some ribbing all around. I am wearing this dang thing if I have to duck tape it to my body. Hey, duck tape is silver too, right? CRAP! That's what I'll be doing all night tonight & Friday night and Sat day. Or, I'll cave and go to old navy and buy something flimsy and flirty, but I WANNA WEAR MY BLING BLING DAMMIT.

Big bosses are here in KC a few days early, woo hoo. They're in the conference room conferencing. I'd better get back to cranking out the work.

Send me fast knitting thoughts, maybe it'll help!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

A positive creative quote for the day

"To be surrounded by beautiful things has much influence upon the human creature; to make beautiful things has more."
---Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to court we go

Well, I plan on getting the last few rows of the backless bling bling done as I wait outside the courtroom for my child support hearing. Can't freaking wait. Nutshell story, "It's so hard supporting two families"....Zero $$ for his share of 50% of out-of-pocket medical expenses for the last 4 years which are more than $180/month for medicine copays plus any dr. visit copays & 20% of bills....Child support still based on zero child care expenses (now I'm paying for 2 kids' child care) and incomes of both are raised. I turned mine in and we got his bancruptsy papers to use as his proof of increased income.....UGH. I tried to settle over and over, but he figures he'll just tell the judge how hard it is and is pleading "poverty"....(as he's driving their new minivan with the doors that open and engine starts by remote into their new house they had built in the nicest suburb of western Albuquerque) I swear to God, he's pleading poverty. I get $374/month for TWO kids, one of whom is chronically ill and I pay more than that for ONE of the kid's childcare monthly. I make LESS than him and pay ALL the out of pocket fees and ALL the child care and HE's living in poverty?????? Get over yourself. OK, sorry for the venting, but it had to come out or I was going to get a bit bitter. Now I'm just like "BRING IT ON BABY" and "have a nice day". *smiling sweetly*

Back to knitting, I'm cranking out that damn backless tank, but am REALLY pushing it to be able to wear it Sat night....3 FREAKING DAYS AWAY....nope, not stressed, especially as I don't exactly know if it will fit or stay on or show too much skin, or if my back will look chubby or slender, and AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH. It's getting made anyway and I might be wearing some ugly-ass thing instead, we'll see. I've got about 6 little rows left on the back left side, and need to stitch the side seams and then learn to pick up stitches and knit about an inch of ribbing all around so it won't go flopping off and show more skin than anyone wants to see, it may happen yet.

Trying to behave myself today, and present the nice little single mom image and not the chic I really feel like today, shown below:

Monday, December 13, 2004

Backless Bling Bling half-way done!

WOO HOO, I've got the front done on the backless tank I want to wear Sat. night out to the big Xmas party with my friends. I've got the bottom back ribbing almost done, and now have to figure out how to pick up stitches and get the thing done and see if it is decent to wear or not. I am LOVING the lion brand Glitterspun yarn! It's easier to work with than the more expensive crap I swatched in the LYS. I really REALLY want this thing to work. I think it may actually fit, I keep holding up the pieces and it seems to work so far, just have to add the black ribbing all around the edges and bottom!! I still have to pick up some beads for the little string across the lower back too, but I want to make sure the dang thing fits first.

Kids & I had a pretty good weekend, another birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese (aka Mother's Migraine) WOW that place is LOUD. I'm scrounging around to find a place for Joey's bday party and REALLY hoping it won't have to be there, but we may be on our's like Vegas for kids. The noises of the ding ding ding ding, the funky music in the background, no clocks, no windows, set up in a maze so you have to work to find the door, tokens you cram in the slot over and over, kids hopped up on free refills of pop, yup, get them addicted young. I actually overheard a kid telling his mom "just a few more dollars, mom, I almost hit the's ready for me to hit the jackpot..." What's that 800 gambling line again????? I have to admit I did my share of skee-ball, shot a few dinosaurs, and played some air hockey too.

I was doing the guilty-feeling-single-mom thing and VOLUNTEERED to be cookie mom for my daughter's brownie troop. What kind of crack was I smoking?????? I must have been thinking, Oh, I was a girl scout forever, how hard could it be????? OH HOLY HELL no more cookie mom......this branch is like a bunch of nazi's. I should have known better as we pissed off the 5th grade moms that we went camping with when we let our girls run around playing follow the leader and sing songs that were not officially girl scout material at the exact scheduled time. They were freaky and I laughed it off.....NOPE, they're all nazi's here in Johnson County. If I can get the freaking few parents left to turn in their orders I should have this monkey off my back..... I do LOVE the moms in my daughter's group as we're all pretty laid back and as long as the girls have fun, do some community service and learn a few things, we're happy.

One comment on Miss Hateful. I know I've been trying to be "above" all the crap, but I've just got to say something. Our delicate balance of craziness down in the dungeon is seriously out of whack today. One of the happy people came back for a week, we LOVE her, YEAH. But, Miss Hateful is wearing a pretty little sweater in baby pastels of blue & pink. Nope. I'm sorry. That much hate cannot wear baby blue & pink. It just freaks me out. It's like I'm getting death looks from the rugrats.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

The newest Hallmark Holiday Special....

Aint no Christmas cause Momma's a yarn junkie.....coming soon on Hallmark....

Hoping to avoid that becoming our family holiday! For those of you without LYS's near by, try JoAnn etc. craft stores! There's all this new funky yarns there. Some are the bernat brand, some Lion Brand, but there's a bunch of JoAnn Exclusive stuff. Some looks pretty close to the squiggle and could be combined with the bernat boa for a quick scarf like the 4 hour scarves I've been making. I got 2 skeins of the boa in a red & black combo thing and am going to try it out to see how it looks. Also found some great Lion Brand Glitterspun and it's working up better than the yarn I got at Knit Wits on sale, so I'm going to try to crank out the backless tank and see.....the gauge is close, but I have yet to knit something that actually fits me, so I'll either have the sexiest thing on earth to wear, or I'll be stressing....AND the party's in ONE WEEK and I've never picked up stitches before, but I know where to find the ladies who can teach me......should be interesting.

Trapped deep inside this eddie bauer jeans & sweatshirt wearing mom lurks the soul of a party girl.......I really want to make & wear this party party.

NOT partying tonight, but am getting out of the house for a bit. My cousin's coming over to watch the kiddos and I'm bringing my bling bling tank to Mark & Russell's where Russell's fighting a deadline of restringing an old barbie head. (no that's really not as bad as it sounds, he is a barbie-a-holic and also has the talent of re-poking through the hair and fixing it up on old bald barbie heads.) Apparently there's a lot of money in old barbie doll heads, so iffn you find some at a garage sale, buy them and sell them on eBay! SO, our big evening is going to be eating, working on our projects and watching dvds. Can't wait!

Here's bling bling:

Friday, December 10, 2004

More things I've learned

OK, more tidbits, then back to work.

#1...The hand gesture for Fxxx You in Mandarin Sign Language (chinese) is saving my life. In my whole life I think I've flipped off 2 people only, but lately here in the dungeon, Miss Hateful has been exceptionally fun to be around and I've felt the urge of my middle finger wanting to spring up and shoot into the air on a regular basis. I actually had to hold my hands together when I turned the corner down here the other day. Rich's girlfriend teaches sign language at JCCC and is also learning to sign in other languages, so at Alison's going away party, I learned this little fun gem. Now, instead of screaming inside when faced with the witch, I just do my little hand thing and feel all better inside. I know, it's just Christmas-y down here.

#2...I can not be trusted inside a yarn store. NO. I can't even go inside one until 2005. period. I just needed 2 balls of black squiggle to complete 2 more scarves, and I ended up with this great SALE yarn that would be perfect for the sexy backless tank that I can in NO way finish by the 18th. That's ONE WEEK away. It has a million stitches, and the entire edging is done by picking up stitches, which I have NOT learned yet....but OH YEAH, I get the yarn ANYWAY just in case.... Knitted myself almost crippled last night and only ended up with about 3" from the bottom up done. Did I tell you I ALREADY found yarn that I thought would work for the sweater (since no one has any of the Diva yarn used on the original pattern any more?) BUT it just didn't quite seem to work, so I think I may be able to use it on the sexy tank I tried to start about 3 months ago.....MORE yarn stuck in the stash.

#3...The same muscles that are used to hold smaller needles are the same ones you need to use to hold a tweezers to pluck your eyebrows. After knitting myself into this old lady crippled bird claw hand thing, I am washing my face before bed and think, WOW, it's been a long time since I looked at my eyebrows and they were scary. Picked up the tweezermans and promptly dropped them into the sink each time I tried to pluck. So, now I'm crippled and hairy. SEXY. Just what you need to go with a sexy tank top....

#4...Dropping to 32-35 hours a week has been the most uplifting thing I've ever done in my life. I didn't realize what the lack of fresh air and NO windows and NO sunshine and DISMAL people were all doing to me. I breathe easier each morning knowing I get to leave earlier at the end of the day and it's not so scary descending into the bowels of Olathe's industrial district.

#5...I'm getting this from Santa Claus this year. Santa also told me I'm not getting any more presents at all, so be thankful...Santa was convinced that I needed to test it out in case we need to use the 15-day return period, and I'm not giving it back. He can wrap the empty box. I'm using it for my goodies and my kiddos and holdiays and crazy people I see on the street and anything else I coming soon, look out! I LOVE this little thing....fits in my pocket, has a GREAT big screen on its back and takes fabulous pics! WOO HOO!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Wise things I've learned

#1...children that you have to drag out of bed at 6:45am M-F will be awake and bouncing off the ceiling at 6:00am on Sat. and Sunday mornings.

#2...I cannot eat popcorn without eating chocolate afterwards. A lot of chocolate, not just a bite to cancel the saltyness.

#3...High heeled wooden clogs are NOT the cure for slight shin splints. They actually encourage more pain. Don't do it.

#4...I cannot get anything done early in a well planned manner. It has to be last minute, stressful running around "the sky if falling" kind of things to get my creativity to kick in. If I do actually get something done early, it will suck.

#5...Men over 40 should NOT wear roller skates in public with little shorts. period. And if they do, they should NOT knock me off my bike on the bike trails without serious repercussions. Flamboyantly gay men in their 30's to early 40's may be allowed, but they'd better be damn pretty. I am still pissed about the chubby idiot who took me out...(story below)

#6...Women over 40 should NOT wear pigtails on the sides of their heads. It is not cute, it is actually quite frightening. A classic little low pony-tail is acceptable.

#8...A 70 yr old woman can still kick the crap out of a 36 yr old bowling goddess-to-be. I shot 650 (averaged 216 over 3 games) in the ladies' scratch league Monday night and got my butt handed to me by a lady in her 70's. As I moaned about us losing points to these wonderful yet OLDER than us ladies, another one came up to tell me she just turned 80 (she shot 680) and did I feel any better? NOPE! I did appreciate her spunk, though, and told her I'd like to be able to whoop up on younger ladies when I'm her age. Actually, I'd like to whoop up on them NOW.

#9...When you start cranking out scarves, scarves, scarves, it's easy to lose track. I've now got enough to give and then some...and I want to make more, it's like a disease....stop's too late to sell them, so if I can resist, I can be really ready for a bazaar or something next year, but I'm afraid I want to wear them ALL I'm a bit selfish & spoiled, so what?

For those of you newer readers, here's the bike vs. roller-blading old guy story from July 2004:

Survived a 10 mile bike ride around the trails of O.P. on Sunday. I have some serious battle scars to prove it. I was actually doing pretty well, only had to walk up one hill, was almost feeling cocky...then I tried to cross this little overpass-thing next to Metcalf Ave. It's one of the skinniest yet on the trails. I'm almost across when this overweight old guy that did not resemble Kenny Rogers in any fashion (so no redeeming qualities here) on ROLLER BLADES starts across. I shout out, wait, hold on, I'm almost done....oh no, he says don't worry, there's plenty of room. Did I say he was OVERWEIGHT???? also very wobbly. Men over 30 should not be on rollerblades unless they are HOT and GAY, enough said. YUP, you can imagine the fun, he wobbles his big self along, NO ROOM to pass, clips my wheel and I bash back and forth like a pingpong ball from the sharp metal fence to the cement barrier. I learned that helmets work much better when they are buckled, good for me I buckled that day. Also learned that you should probably pack some bandaids or gauze or such in the cute little seat pack thing I bought, not just lip gloss, keys and phone. I ended up leaving a flap of elbow skin on the fence, probably a dent from my helmet on the cement barrier, a nice little trail of blood from the said elbow and knees along with two massive funky round bruises on the inside of my knees, not sure how I got those, guess it was from smacking the bike??? I should have left my foot up the guy's big old butt, but I just smiled as he skated by when he said "oops, I guess we didn't quite fit, huh???" If I wasn't wrapped in metal and suffering a partial concussion and slow and rather chubby myself, I would have run at the guy. NEXT time I'm taking him OUT. No more nice chic.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Signs that winter's here

#1...Children are behaving because "Santa knows when you've been good or bad."

#2...Christmas lights are twinkling on homes throughout the city.

#3...The smell of wood fireplaces burning on a cold evening.

#4...Knitters are cranking out scarves, scarves, scarves and hats, hats, hats frantically counting down the days until Christmas.

#5...EVERYONE EVERYWHERE is playing Christmas carols.

#6...My white trash Wal-Mart denim coat with the VERY faux fur collar & cuffs comes out of the closet. Yup, I'm stylin, but I'm warm. The faux fur is starting to resemble a white dog that badly needs a wash and is looking kind of scraggly and dirty is clean, but that's about as good as it gets.

Knitting update is pretty boring....scarves, scarves, scarves....and a few more scarves. I'll add a pic soon. I was not even wanting to turn on my computer this weekend. I'm going to have a hard time giving away the newest Schaeffer bumpy scarf I made as it's DIVINE....we'll see, it might have to be a present for myself....along with the other butt-load of presents of knitted projects in progress...

Life update--> Yesterday was my first "part-time" day! I have to tell you, there was nothing like it. I'm working from 8-2:45 M-F and a few hours on Sat. to get to about 35 hours. I normally leave work at 5:01, drive across KC, picking up 2 kids from 2 different schools and make it home at almost 6:00pm when it's dark, do Joey's "shaking" (his Vest airway treatment), cook fast, eat fast, homework, bath, bed, collapse on couch to knit & eat until bed around midnight and get up at 6:00am to do it all over again... NOW yesterday was beautiful. I calmly drove across the city at 2:45pm with NO traffic whatsoever, got to Beth's school with about 10 min's to spare and read a magazine, went in to the school and looked at all the new artwork on the bulletin boards, got my daughter, got my son picked up, toodled on home. We ate an actual meal of cooked food at a TABLE, kids got along and didn't fuss at each other, we got homework done, and they worked on their little cardboard coloring/book house thing I bought at Wal-Mart for $10, Beth made a finger-knit string to wear in her hair to school, I went out to bowl with my old ladies and everyone was sunshine & roses. LOVING it! It was such a nice change of pace, it's amazing what a few hours can do!

Gotta work a bit harder here at work, though to make up for less time on the job, so back to it.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Vibrator Cosy from Gilneas...LOVE IT!

OH, I laughed on this one...Gilneas Knits. I added her to my list of knit blogs to read. She's got some cute original patterns too! NOW my girlfriends are getting these cute little bags that could be a cute bar bag, but are actually felted Vibrator Cosies! I immediately thought of a certain girlfriend who had a story about her suitcase being left open on the bed at her mother-in-law's house and ..... yup, out came the vibrator to the family in the hands of a small child who thought it was a "fun toy"." Well, the child was right, but looking back, if she had a cute little cozy to keep your little unmentionables out of sight, the whole scene could have been avoided....HAH!

Definitely for the girl who has everything...

I'm also making her hat with the top open for your pony-tail. I think I'll adapt it a bit, we'll see. It'll have to wait as now I'm a scarf-making FOOL. Last night I finished Mom's scarf and a black & white squiggle & black splash scarf....LOVING the 2 1/2 hour pattern (still takes me about 4 hours, but still love it!) These scarves turn out soft, fluffy, LONG and fabulous! Too bad I waited so freaking late to get started on Xmas stuff or I could have been selling the stuff! Maybe next year! Took pics, but didn't get them uploaded yet, I'll be working on the old blog this weekend and promise to post then.

Phoebe hat that only uses one skein of Noro Kureyon!!! LOVE this girl's stuff--

Our little doggie has sure melted right in with the family. It's like Miles has always been here. He's so gentle with the kids and it's nice company to have the little guy curled up on the floor next to my feet & knitting basket!

Wanna see what my goal is for the big "Annual Asian Refugee Christmas Party" aka the night this tall white girl goes out with my group of friends and eats and drinks and dances till dawn (only once a year, don't worry!) Daring Diva Halter I've got to not only get the thing knit, but I've got to do some serious push-ups and arm work to get away with this one....but it COULD happen, we'll see.....This is one of the reason I got the stick-on boobies from!

Marnie MacLean's Free Knitting Patterns these are STYLISH and cute!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Moth & Silverfish proofing stash & sweaters

BEST place on the web for knitting info from other knitters!!!!
Knitters Review
The forums are amazing and there's just good stuff there!

OK, my post on knitters review gave some good tips. It could have been a stinking SILVERFISH bug. ick. Apparently they are attracted to papers, books and EAT WOOL too. A few other readers had silverfish eat holes in wool garmets that were in bags on the floor... (my sweater was in a tote bag on the floor next to the boxes of paper crap I have to get through, so it could well have been)

At this point, I don't care what disgusting thing it was, I keep a clean house and it creeps me out and it PISSES ME

Tips for avoiding this mess from knitters the world over...

**Cedar chips & dried Lavender sachets (but make sure they don't touch yarn or clothing directly or it can stain.

**Yardley's English Lavender Soap bars put in with wool yarns & garmets (I like this one as it's EASY and smells good)

**strong smelling dryer sheets (again not touching garmets or yarn)

**Eucalan Woolwash or other wool washes sold at your LYS, supposed to leave a hint of eucalyptus oil that repels moths.

My favorite tip at avoiding silverfish was to move to Minnesota as that's too far north for them apparently. I'm sure moths are up there and the size of their mosquitos frighten me a bit...

Feeling better now, listening to 99 Red Balloons on and be-bopping to my good upbeat 80' now the tunes match my fashion sense....

Moth War Update

The battle is on. A moth attacked my Ann Taylor cashmere sweater (got on SALE this summer for $20 instead of $90!!!!!! CRAP)....the little critters get what they deserve. Just call me "W", I'm going to blow them off the map....or out of the closet...or at least out of my stash.

All yarn is now in the deep freeze, keeping company with half a cow. I'm hoping the little moths to be are not like bees and you can freeze them, then come back to life once they warm up. We'll see..... *sob* my poor yarn...

All wool sweaters are on their way to the laundromat where my friend's wife works...going to work the sympathy thing and beg for extra coupons to afford it. THEN I hear that dry cleaning may or may not kill moth babies....CRAP

Of course this has to happen in the closet that is CRAMMED to burst with CRAP...old clothes...current clothes, art projects of the kids, boxes of clutter that I couldn't stand looking at any longer, so stuck them there to "get to later." Guess it's later now. Dammit.

BUT, on a good note, mom saw the scarf I was working on and kind of sighed and petted it...I said, mom, is this something you would wear? and she said yes, but you keep knitting for your presents...and I said, we picked this out for YOU, just be surprised for the kids, ok? They helped pick out the yarn and I tell you it looks GOOD! I'll add a pic tonight. I gave up last night at 11:30pm to get to bed. It's only got a few more rows left then bind off and handed to kiddos for their unique brand of gift wrapping. We go through more tape in our home than what is used my half the KC metro area.

Work update...still no word on my email saying I need to reduce hours starting next week. Not really surprised, it's about what I expected, so I am just going to do it. If they don't like it I imagine I'll hear sometime. People have been in this frenzied Christmas/Psycho/Super-bitchy mood and I'm staying the heck out of the way. Everybody sing now..."It's beginning to look a lot like BITCHmas...Everywhere you go...." wooh. Amanda, stay strong up there! I'm glad new girl's nice! Maybe it will tip the evil attitude balance to normal range???

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

2 1/2 hour scarf my butt...

So, either I'm the world's slowest knitter, or I'm retarded....or both. Worked about 2 1/2 hours last night on a new scarf for my mom for xmas out of splash and another yarn (that I swear is a cousin to the Satan's Knots I used on the boob tube) for about 2 1/2 hours while watching NYPD Blue and the Daily Show and Seinfeld and Will & Grace (love all of those) and I've got about 4 feet done. I hope to finish tonight. It's a bit flashier than I think my mom would normally pick out for herself, but it's mostly blues & navy and soft and should be nice...we'll see. I'll add pics later.

I'm chopping the edge of said boob tube so I can get the dang thing ON and still move my arms. It doesn't unravel, so I'm thinking I'm wearing it as is....if I somehow end up being able to frog it, I'm going to try to re-bind off a TON looser.

My big heart-attack this am????? Got the bag of sweaters & shirts to take to the dry cleaners out from the bottom of the same closet that has most of my stash of yarns.....and there's a perfect little MOTH HOLE in the front of my cashmere sweater from Ann Taylors.....FREAKING OUT NOW....not ONLY is my fave sweater EVER ruined, but there may be an infestation of little moth larvae critters EATING MY YARN AS I TYPE.... I didn't know WHAT to I move the yarn and infect other yarn??? is it infected??? can I microwave it to kill anything that may be eating in there????? *SCREAM* *STOMP* *CUSS* etc..... I put a help please scream on the knitters forum also, but if anyone has any ideas of what to do, I'd love to hear it!!!


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