Saturday, March 31, 2007

Brew to Brew run one more time

Dear Lord,

Please make sure I don't get lost this time and that I don't get eaten by hobos by the levee. Plus help me get through the 4.3 miles without barfing in public. amen.

Well, I had so much fun last time (was it really just 2 years ago?) that when my brother suggested I do the brew to brew run with his team, I said, "sure, why not?" You know, two weeks or more ago, this wouldn't be any big deal. I was cardio queen. Though I didn't enjoy running, I was DOING IT. I was jogging/walking about 2.5 miles almost every damn day. Then 2 weeks ago I got hit with the dual spring breaks. Last week I had my kids home all week. Every day. While I had to work. Every day. And I got Jeff's 2 boys a couple of those days as well. And had to work. at home. with 4 children, 2 of whom have not quite figured out that you can't go screaming through the house at the top of your lungs while I'm WORKING. Then this week my kids went back to school on Tues-Thurs. During the day I had Jeff's 2 boys who were instantly "BOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOORED" and up to inform me of that about every 20 minutes. Jeff's boss was in town so he had to work long hours as well. Let's just say I consumed more chocolate and mikes hard limeades and did almost NO running during the last 2 weeks. nice. I was having to convince myself that children are a blessing and not life-force-sucking-whining-mutant-slugs. a BLESSING. I realize that most days, but let me tell you, I'm gonna be one happy momma on Monday morning when these blessings are around me in smaller amounts of time.

I even pulled out my old food & workout journal to check things out. Nowhere in it did it say "10:00am smoked crack and decided to run the big race again this year." I checked. Ah well, wish me luck. (the hobo thing was because last time I ran it (back in my REALLY out of shape days) my team got to the starting line about 15 minutes late. They then convinced me I could catch up to the others. sure. Ran along, not too many people out there telling you where to go, couldn't even SEE the back of the group ahead of me. Ran and jogged along the top of the levee and ended up getting to a point with a locked fence and a sign that says "no entry." So, I turned along the gravel trail towards the levee, where it soon got overrun with brambles and weeds and such. A very hungry looking hobo man was watching me from behind the trees, I got MAJORLY freaked out and by the time my team FINALLY answered their cell phones and told me oh, yeah, you're supposed to climb AROUND the fence on those big boulders and not go down to the river. Let's just say it wasn't my favorite adventure. I ended up adding about a mile onto my part due to TWO wrong turns.

Wish me luck. The brew to brew run is run from a brewery in KC to one in Lawrence, KS. The 42 miles is split into 3-5 mile legs for teams or runners. The money raised will go to support Cystic Fibrosis so I should quit my bitchin and get running.

The good part is I get to ride along with my brother and part of the team, waiting while each person runs their leg. We're the last 3 runners so we get to sleep in a bit and join the rest of the group around 9:30am. I've packed my knitting bag for some nice car-ride knitting. Love that. I figured I'd start another picovoli, this time with wild orange handpainted yarn from twisted sisters and maybe try the picot edge. I'm also taking my ball of socks that rock that's been waiting patiently for a month now. I'm also taking my two energy drinks that I drank that one time that made me craaaaaaaazy with energy. Maybe they'll get me through the miles.

My cousin asked me the other day if I was ready for the race. I said "I think so. I got a pair of shorts from Target that are just the right combination of snug and loose, finally found a sweat-proof mascara so I don't look like someone used a sharpie under my eyes and bought a new razor to shave the legs." She said, "yeah. Um, I meant are you ready for the RUNNING part." oh. yeah.

Finished up my chickami and wore it today. Pics on Monday.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Whew boy did I miss you guys!

Man, I used to say that blogging was my version of cheap therapy. I didn't realize how almost true that was. Serioulsy, I felt like my head was going to explode without using this as my little outlet this past week. BUT it's NOT cheap. Yes, blogging is technically free, but every time I go out checking things out, I want to spend more freaking money on yarn, patterns, yarn, chocolate, yarn and well, more yarn.

First of all, have you seen THIS? OK, I did actually list some cotton on there last week and it went in HOURS man. HOURS. I spent a great deal of time today trying to figure out my new baby and post and do pics and all that fun stuff. I listed some malabrigo and other lovelies this afernoon. Now I have all this MONEY that is just sitting in my paypal account. Just sitting there. Not bothering anyone, wanting to be SPENT! I keep checking all the time because the good stuff goes in a heartbeat. I'm hoping to get into the apple store to figure out how to actually USE my new macbook that I Luuuuuuuuuuve. Got to survive another week with children in the house. Last week was my kids' spring break and this week is Jeff's kids and his boss is here so Jeff has to work all week.

What else has happened in this last week? Oh yeah, knitted my living ass off. Long, long ago I learned that cotton is not actually lighter than wool, and I made quite possibly the heaviest sweater on the face of the earth. My monsterly heavy and SO SO SO unattractive on me Tempting sweater got frogged and became this:

I finished up (except for the cool roses because I ran out of yarn and the Studio hasn't gotten my order in yet so I'm wearing it anyway dammit) my roses tank top. I was freaking out because the eyelet holes all over it were showing some serious skin. It's made of merino & silk, so I didn't want to wear a tank under it too because I would probably burst into flames here in KC, so tried it on with a black strapless bra and now love it! The garter edging flares just a bit at the top, I'll probably sew in a little bit of very thin elastic to help with that part of it, but I'm LOVING it! Click to see it in a larger version of all its loverlyness.

I got all let's use up some stash-y and figured out I have just barely enough to make chickami from ChicKnits, so it'll be close. I'm using 4 skeins of frog tree in an eggplant/purply colorway. It's a combo of silk & cotton I think. Too damn lazy to find the ball. I'm almost ready to split for arm hole shaping. It's a VERY fast knit. I'm all about these knit in the round with a little bit of shaping tops.

How can a man be so wonderfully supporting and loving and then still irritate the living hell out of every one of my molecules? RRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH I'm getting smarter. Really I am. My brain is starting to realize when it's time to shut my damn mouth and that anything I say at a certain point will NOT convince him that he's being a total dumbass. The only problem is that my mouth is usually about 12 minutes slower than my brain. Ah well. Three good things came out of my irritation this week on our "relaxing weekend at the lake." Relaxing my ass. Anyway...Good Thing #1--> I realized it is easier for me to keep my mouth shut while irritated if I have circular needles in hand. There's something connected between my fingers moving through the yarn and my lips being compressed together. Straight needles are no good. They make you want to point them at people to really get your point across, kind of like a gigantic index finger poking a big guy in the chest. Double points are no good. I really have a hard time not poking the hell out of a particular person (yeah, been there and done that). Circulars are good. No spare needle to be used as a weapon plus the threat of stitches falling off the ends of the needles. Good Thing #2--> I very smartly realized that while using every ounce of my being to hold my lips together and bite my tongue quite literally would probably majorly fuck up my tension, so I PUT DOWN the chickami sweater and picked up the boyfriend's current pair of socks. They're being knit on sz 3's, so much less likely to snap in half like my 1's (I may have had to beat the boy senseless if I snaped another rosewood needle on his behalf). I'm working on 2X2 ribbing, on thicker yarn on bigger needles. If it's tighter than usual, who freaking cares? see, I'm getting smarter every day. Good Thing #3--> I can use things in my life to inspire me. I came up with the PERFECT FREAKING KNITTING BAG IDEA. Let's call it the "Bite Me" bag. See, another reason to keep checking out destash. Actually I probably have enough cascade 220 there. I figure if I have the bag, maybe I can just casually turn it towards whomever is currently pissing me off and that will do my work for me. I'll feel better, the world will be a happier place. I'll keep you posted on my results. Due to said boy irritating me quite a bit this weekend, I knit the crap out of his socks.

In the last week, I've worn THREE tops that I've knit myself. I just love that I've finally figured out that just because I CAN knit something doesn't mean I SHOULD knit something. I'm trying to find things that look good on me and that I like. Using yarn that I love and that's it. I'm sure I'll encounter a few more serious knitted turds, but for now my track record is getting better. I've still got four tops that need frogging but for now they can sit folded and wait until I run out of current yarn.

Here's a few highlights from the weekend at the lake. First is "lake art" and the others are 3 of the 4 kids on their homemade huck finn raft.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Computer issues

I'm still here, just can't freaking post on blogger or keep my computer from freaking out and crashing every few minutes. Damn damn damn. I'm borrowing a friend's laptop for a few minutes. I'm spending some hard-won $$ and buying a virus resistant imac tomorrow DAMMIT! Be back soon I promise. Oh and I've been singing Delta Dawn what's that flower you've got on..... all damn day now, thanks to Lynn in Tucson for sharing. Do you people not realize I have one of those minds that combines a freakish level of compulsive behavior with a very suggestable mind? cripes, I'm lucky no one's used me yet to start robbing banks. Who was that chic back in the 60's that was the movie star who was kidnapped then started working for her captors? The one that later drowned off a dock or something? Yeah. That'd have been me. but with jazz hands and freakish twangy music from the old days going along as my very own theme song.

KNITTING my ass off, lots of pics to share and some cool sites as well. I hope to have a post from the new computer SOON and the podcast is already brewing in my head baby. Brewing good. I've got at least 13 minutes of substance. Yeah. That'll not be a disaster.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

We interrupt this knitting blog for a little jubilation and cursing

I have an announcement. I went shopping today. Not the BIG shopping day, I just had about 45 minutes and thought, hey, maybe I can just run in and try on a pair of capri's or something. I haven't gone shopping for clothes since way way way long ago, when I was faced with the realization that even the easy fit size 12 jeans and pants weren't going over the thighs. Pair that with the fact that I had about a size 6 waist, and even if they would have gone up, there was some serious plumber butt realities to deal with. About a month ago I fit into all my skinny clothes (they were size 10 stuff) and that was magical, but those clothes are all too big now and Jeff pointed out that maybe I'd want to actually wear something that fit me now.

I was actually a little bit terrified. I ran by the Eddie Bauer outlet in Olathe and pulled some capri's and a few skirts and even a couple pair of jeans back with me. I took 8's and 10's. They were TOO FUCKING BIG. I had to sit down on the floor of the dressing room. The sales girl came back and asked how I was doing. I gave her my pile and asked if she would mind bringing back some 6's. I couldn't hardly say the word "six". It was like if I said it out loud, the big thighs would magically come back as punishment. Yeah, the jeans I'm wearing RIGHT FUCKING NOW are size 6. NOT easy fit 6, but plain old off the fucking rack size 6. I know sizes really don't matter, they're just numbers, what matters is how you feel, how you look and all that bullshit, but in my entire life I've never owned a pair of size 6 jeans. Way way way back in college I had some 8's but that was so long ago it's all just fuzzy now. The skirt she brought me was still big in the waist and a little baggy on the hips. After praising the mighty mighty thigh goddesses, I quietly asked if they could check the stock room for, um, a smaller size on the skirt. The salesgirl came back after a while and said "sorry for the delay, I had to undress the mannikin to get our smallest size for you." Ladies, I about threw open the door and frenched that girl. It was all I could do not to burst into tears.

I now have a cute skirt, a cute top, a pair of jeans THAT FIT MY BODY and one pair of capri's. I'm planning on heading out for an entire day of playing hooky, eating a fabulous lunch and shopping my living ass off but that will have to wait until after the kids' spring break. I feel like Miss Fucking America, you know, when she's doing the funky barbie doll broken hand wave, tears streaming down her plastic shellacked face and wearing the crown and holding the roses. Un-fucking-believable.

I know, I know, people are tired of hearing how amazed I am at the fact that dieting and exercising actually work, but you have to realize, I just never thought I'd be able to do it.

On a knitterly note, after leaving the apple store down at the plaza (didn't buy anything yet but really REALLY want a laptop from there but don't want to spend all the $$), my truck was SUPPOSED to be going towards the Jerusalem Deli or Diner or whatever that restaurant is. I was craving one of their salads BIG TIME. I ended up going in a big circle twice trying to find my damn way to Westport Road. The next thing I know, I'm heading up a hill in generally the right direction. I think, "huh, all the lines on this road are white and dotted. That's weird." Yup, wrong way sally. Nice. I look up the hill, at a stop light (thank God for red lights) are FOUR cars' headlights all pointed AT ME. Quick u-turn and suddenly I find myself just around the corner from the Studio Yarn shop. I take this as a sign from the yarn gods and not to fuck with the system. I go in, wander around, buy the most obnoxiously orange and pink and red skeins of Twisted Sisters yarn to make yet another tank top for moi (because I AM a selfish knitter) and sit around petting yarn and flipping through all the new books and magazines. It was a great day.

I know it doesn't seem like much, yeah, she went shopping. What's the big deal? You have to realize. I shop for tops, I shop for a-line dresses. I never shopped for jeans or slacks (it's been over 8 years since I owned even one pair of pants other than sweats or jeans, the thin material just can't take the screaming work of holding in thighs like denim could). It was always so depressing that I just couldn't take it any longer. Up until today, in the last 8 years I've bought maybe 4 pair of jeans, 2 pair of capri's and 2 skirts that I found that had drawstring waists so I could wear them. period. EIGHT FUCKING YEARS. I know this because the last time I could remember being able to wear a pair of pants off the rack was before I got pregnant with Joey.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Smooth move, grace

It's amazing I'm even able to feed myself without causing a ruckus some days. I head to the gym this morning, hit the stairmaster, hit the eliptical, take notes on my own little perfected eliptical workout routine, sweat my ass off, feeling good. I head to the dry sauna room (the wet ones just make me feel like I'm inside a giant's sweat socks and gross me out). NO ONE's in there. I LOVE that! I lie down and take up an entire length of one wall's cedar shelf seat thing. Crank up my tunes in the old i-pod. I've been having that song from David Allen Coe called You Never Even Called Me By My Name in my head lately, so I figured I'd just play the damn thing and get it over with.

I'm laying there, peek around, still alone in the room, start sweating, relaxing, close my eyes and rest. You know how sometimes you can be humming along with the music without really realizing it? you know? You also know how when you're singing loud with the radio, I mean REALLY BELTING it out there but the music's blaring too, so you kind of sound good? Yeah. You know when you're singing lound, REALLY BELTING IT and you're wearing an ipod so no one else hears the music and your voice isn't covered up at all it sounds like shit? really REALLY loud shit? you know?

Yup, I can't help myself. This song is twangy. really really twangy. When it gets to the talking part about how his friend "wrote the perfect country & western song" and does the last verse....
Well, I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison
And I went to pick her up in the rain
But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got runned over by a damned old train.....

So I'll hang around as long as you will let me
And I never minded standin' in the rain.
You don't have to call me darlin, darlin.
You never even called me by my name.......

Oh sweet Jezebel. I belted, I twanged, I even did jazz hands at the end with a little OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhh ending of my own added in for good measure. Then the music stopped. And I heard a cough. and two laughs. nice. Two guys in there are rolling on the floor laughing their asses off. very nice. They said they both loved the song, so didn't want to interrupt me since I was having such a good time. One even said he liked the jazz hands. I about crawled out of that little 180 degree room with a face that wasn't red from the heat baby. I truly am the coolest thing around. JAZZ HANDS for cripes sakes. JAZZ HANDS.

On that healthy note, I figured I'd start yet another blog where I can ramble on the weight loss/getting healthy crap a bit more detailed. How I Lost 30 Pounds should hopefully end up getting most of the knowledge I've gained through this whole process. I will add links and good info soon, here's just the start so far.

On the knitting front, I went and met Chery from Chery Knits aka the sock knitter fashionista for a quick look around the Studio and then lunch. She swears she can win me over to the idea of 2 socks at once on 2 circ needles. I like the idea of it, but haven't quite gotten there yet. I did pick out some yarn to try it out and have finally ordered some knitpicks needles, so we'll see how that whole thing goes. Her socks are really spectacular and she just CRANKS them out. I had a blast and she just cracks me up and is inspiring to boot. Thanks Chery!

I frogged the worlds least tempting Tempting sweater last night. One of the not-so-nice things about being the Knitting Virgin, is that I do things because I just don't know better. I've hopefully learned that when something isn't looking or feeling quite right that it's a sign that something probably wasn't right instead of finishing the entire damn sweater before I start to question anything. A few years back, I made one of the heaviest sweaters you can imagine. Just think of a really long tube (I made it longer just 'cause) of ribbed cotton. heavy, mercerized, worsted weight cotton. heavy. cotton. ribbed for no one's pleasure. It's sat patiently waiting to become something else for about 2 years now in a plastic bag in the bottom of the "bad ideas and butt ugly results" drawer. It's now on its way to becoming a cute top-down summer top from Amy Singer's new book No Sheep For You. It's already much happier. It's a springy yellow, so I should look like a daffodil in it. can't wait.

And for you truly sadistic people out there, I do have a bikini shot. I am NOT posting this one yet. I am butt white and the angle of the camera just didn't do my new self justice. I've actually got to go have a real "after" shot done next month, so I'll have a fake tan sprayed on first and work a little more on the legs and get a new suit. I promise to post the link if you promise not to scream. Don't worry, I won't just stick my half-nekkid self here for all to see, I'll at least have a warning and a click to see the before & after shots thing set up.

Now, you know you want to, go ahead and belt it out with me....
So I'll hang around as long as you will let me
And I never minded standin' in the rain.
You don't have to call me darlin, darlin.
You never even called me
Well I wonder why you don't call me
Why don't you ever call me by my name?

JAZZ HANDS......... ooooooooooohhhhhhhh yeah

Monday, March 12, 2007

Do I have the world's best man or what?

I've heard from a few long-time readers that though they still enjoy reading the blog and keeping up with my life, I was a bit funnier back in my bitter days of working in the dungeon and dating old men and other societal screw-ups. I agree. It's been a good long time since I went on a true rant. I miss that. But seriously, how can I not be all sunshine and roses when I have a man like this?

The day I hit the goal Jeff was traveling in California. I did it, I took a picture of my toes on the scale and then my cousin (bless her heart) was brave enough to take some full-body shots of me in a string bikini in her backyard. I'm sure the neighbors are wondering if she's got a 40-yr old pale white woman porn ring starting up or what. ANYWAY, this is the reply from the email I sent Jeff showing him my pics:

You are FUCKING beautiful baby! I'm proud of you. But mostly I love you.

Lordy Lordy I do love this man. I figure it's payback for some of the strangest, psycho-ist dates I've had to endure in my past. He deserves another couple pair of socks.

Dear Dumbass,

Dear, Dear, Dumbass,

I'm so very glad you stole my wallet two years ago. I'm also glad to see you're still out there trying. Thanks for leaving one of my blank checks in a pocket of the Delta airliner coming back from your trip to Oahu. Yes, though I was in Maui earlier this year, I traveled on American Airlines and didn't bring checks with me. The blank check was found by a nice woman who is a hair stylist in Overland Park, KS WHERE I LIVE. She nicely called to tell me, thinking I may have dropped it and gave me the particulars from it and then tore it to bits. After going to the bank, I realized this is one of the check numbers from long ago that caused me to have to open a new account and replace all the stuff that I USED to carry in a wallet. (I have since learned and now live with one debit card, my driver's license and a health insurance card ONLY in my purse or pocket.)

I do hope you had a lovely trip, and am pretty sure that you had to finance it by stealing someone else's identity because I have such pathetic credit (left over from a bad divorce with a gambler and lots of debts) that I have just recently been awarded my first credit card in years with a whole credit limit of $300. I'm guessing you threw away my check because you were tired of people laughing at you when you tried to get money based on my name and let's face it, $300 won't get you to Hawaii. Heck, that wouldn't even get you to Texas with gas prices as they are. I am still watching my credit reports for signs of trouble. Best wishes for getting caught and you can bite me on my little left buttock.


Now for the good stuff:

Crazy ass knitting project is done and I LOVE THIS FREAKING SWEATER!!! Thanks for the votes for Picovoli, I'm SO SO SO glad I picked this one. This is the sweater that saved me from my late night eating. Every time I had a craving I picked it up and knit. and knit. and knit. I had lots of late night cravings the last 2 weeks of the bet and am glad I have something to wear on my skinnier healthier self rather than the extra flab that would have been put on my bod instead. Compulsive knitting. It's a good thing. I pretty much knit this thing in about 3 days. Just sewed the ends in yesterday and wore it with pride.

Yes, that IS a Mike's Hard Limeade in my hand. Note the lack of makeup and the slightly fuzzy eyes? Let's see. Jeff was traveling in CA, his ex-wife had to drop the boys off early with me Friday morning with the end of the FLU. (They don't "believe" in the flu shot.--I said, what, do you think it's invisible medicine? Pretend crying by pretend children in the pretend doctor's office getting poked with pretend needles? I "believe" those two boys have now had the flu THREE TIMES this winter. Our family has avoided it except Beth did barf once due to either the fastest form of the flu or eating something bad. We are "believers" and religiously get the shots each year.) ANYWAY, let's sum it up. Two sick boys coming into a house with a boy who is FINALLY feeling good after getting over a lung infection that a flu bug would put into the hospital. nice. Can we say a LITTLE bit of stress and a BUTTLOAD of clorox wipes? Yes, I was the Clorox Nazi this weekend. Then we had all four children together and had to re-adjust to having a quiet house from Jeff traveling for an entire week to total chaos. Yes, fuzzy eyes were because this was my THIRD Mike's Hard Limeade in a very short amount of time. It's funny, children are so much easier to deal with when I'm a bit fuzzy. This is probably a good reason why I laughed till I peed when my mother once proposed I should do in-home daycare. I love children, just for small amounts of time and then I love to give them back to those they belong to.

I forgot I was going to start health tips today. oops. Let's do tip #2 which is EAT SOME DAMN BREAKFAST and I'll do the big #1 how to motivate yourself to get healthier hopefully tomorrow. I never, ever, ever used to eat breakfast, unless you count back in college at Country Kitchen at 3am after the bars closed. I now am a total believer. You reform your body and lose weight and just get good things happening by starting your metabolism going first thing in the am. At least pick up a drink of cold water within 10 minutes of getting up. DRINK IT. This will get things clanging around inside you. Good things. Try to eat something with a little bit of protein and a little bit of carbs in it within an hour of getting up. Good examples would be a protein shake, an egg and a piece of whole grain toast, a bowl of whole grain cheerios or special K with skim milk (watch those "healthy" cereals because a lot have a TON of carbs, sugar and not much protein), or even a light protein bar if you're on the run. Keep drinking water all day long. It's so important you can't even imagine. Carry a water bottle with you everywhere you go because for some reason it's harder to get all your water when you drink out of glasses versus a water bottle. Breakfast. It won't kill you.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Oh my holy hell

Tampon Crafts

That is just so wrong, but so fundamentally right. Nothing says happy father's day like a tampon toupee.

I stepped on the scale this am, saw that I'd popped up 6 pounds to a respectable 131, smiled, put the scale on a very high shelf not to be taken out again for a long, long time. Thanks for all the encouragement you guys. I couldn't have done it without you. The bet was just my motivation (being a rather competitive, obsessive, crazy woman which made the whole thing INSANE) to give one last heave to get this body and soul in shape before I turned 40. I was so tired of yo-yo-ing back and forth and up and down. This was it. If I would have been a normal person, I could have just gotten healthy without the insanity, but that's just not my style.

I've learned so much by trying almost every diet and exercise plan under the sun. I've found some REALLY good tips and things, I'll get myself organized this weekend and start adding a SIMPLE tip or two each day for how to get healthier without making yourself crazy.

I wound the STR yarn last night and think I'm gonna make some hedera socks with it. Have you SEEN the new Knitty? I don't know when I've seen an episode where I want to knit almost everything in there! There's also a really cute girl's top in the new magknits that may have Elizabeth's name on it. Poor Joey. Boys just get screwed on the whole knitting thing. Yes, I know there are sweaters out there for boys, but he's really not a sweater kind of a kid. I know there are many vest patterns out there too, but, um, well, I don't want him getting beaten up on the playground. My childhood memories were always filled with the geeky kid named Norman wearing a vest and getting punched or tripped. I'm sure YOUR boy that wears vests to school is not anything like that, but I just can't get past the images in my head. He doesn't wear scarves, he's too hot blooded for sweaters, I'm not into making stuffed animals, too much work. I figure I'll make him a blanket and call it that. But blankets bore me, so maybe I'll start on that later. Maybe I'll just buy him some legos.
OH, I did find a pattern for a yu-gi-oh or pokemon card holder from the Daily Knitter! I'll do that.

Have a great weekend you guys!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I literally have sunshine coming out of my ass

First of all, let me just show this...

Next, the knitting content, then the sunshiney story.

First pic is the front of the scarficity. I got this far into it and someone else in my group finished first. 2nd pic is the back side of the scarf. I think I even like it better. I'm not cut out for colorwork. Any more than 2 balls of yarn makes me crazy, this one had 2 balls and one little baby ball. Ok, any more than ONE ball of yarn at a time makes me crazy. I do like this one, but for now it's going deep down to the bottom of the "in progress" drawer. Knit-Off is over for me. It was interesting, but meh. Not so much for me this time. I had more fun in sock wars last year.

NOW comes the good part. MY TOES on MY SCALE! How 'bout that? The last couple of days weren't pretty, but they're done. I'm thinking of this whole body & life changing thing I've been through as a lifestyle change rather than diet & exercise hell. I think it makes it easier to keep up with the new me this way. My plan is to continue eating small meals throughout the day, pumping lots of protein and water and still working out and walking, just everything in much more mellower terms. I'll also eat some damn chocolate chip cookies when I feel like it, thank you very much. All things in moderation. you know. Scale is going to be put away and now I can just eat when I'm hungry, work out when I want to exercise and focus on being healthy and all that.

Now the sunshine story (for those of you suffering from weak nerves from my Too Much Information tendencies, click away now, this one's a bit graphic and icky)...
This morning dawned with me at a lovely 127.0. I had called around last week and scheduled a massage and colonic with what I thought was my favorite sounding place, but, due to losing brain cells, actually made the reservation with the least favorite sounding place. One sounded healthy, relaxed, comfortable and one person sounded uptight and a little bit intense. SO, off to the intense colonic place I went without having a damn clue. I figured, sure, why not, that'll take the 2 lbs right off, huh? sure.

The massage was WONDERFUL! The lady was a bit bitter in all her stories, of how she puts special oil on herself so her clients don't suck all the happiness and life energy from her while she's doing this stuff. ok. sure. I'm thinking non-life-energy-force-sucking thoughts to help her out. no worries. Colonic time. Not so bad, not so fun, but livable. Things are getting a bit more intense, tummy is cramping pretty good, I gasp out "how much time is left? can we be done really REALLY soon please?" She agrees, backs off on the pressure of the water, tells me the last step is to add the clorophyll to the mixture and send it into me. I lightly freak out, saying "isn't that the stuff that people would use to knock someone unconscious?" No, she assures me, that's chloroform. This is clorophyll, energy from the sun. She is "sending the energy and power of the sun into my core."

Do you ever have those moments in life where you KNOW you shouldn't say something? Usually I have those moments just moments AFTER I already said what I shouldn't say. I said, "so basically, you're shooting sunshine up my ass?" yeah. Did I mention I made the appointment with the slightly bitter, paranoid and apparently NO SENSE OF HUMOR having woman? nice. Never, ever EVER piss off someone that's holding the trigger to stuff (sunshine or not) that is entering you from what is not your best side.

Ended up with considerable cramping after this little episode. Apparently I'm not able to "fully release" all my bad energy and other "toxins". Duh. My non-ability to "fully release" was the whole damn reason for me GETTING A DAMN COLONIC IN THE FIRST PLACE you bitter energy depleted hag! Got home, stepped on the scale and was reading 128.2. Yes, though I SAW the "toxins" going out of my body through a tube and did quite a bit of releasing, I was heavier than when I went into the whole thing. Apparently sunshine weighs 1.2 pounds.

Sweated myself back down to the goal number, it just had to have 125 in it, not be 125.0 or anything. Then I sensibly sat down, drank a bottle of water, three pieces of pizza and 2 chocolate chip cookies and am feeling much better towards mankind.

What will I spend my $$ on???? Here's a few clues.... 1) continuing workouts with Trainer Man. 2) new MAC laptop 3) KNITTING TATTOO (but a henna one since I'm scared of needles and how bad it would look when I get old and wrinkly) and 4) a microphone for the Knitting Virgin's podcast. What do you think? Too many knitting podcasters out there? I figured I'd do a little knit chat, a little health tips, a little crazy life stories and a few tunes. We'll see. That's the plan anyway. That and making sure that the next time my ass sees sunshine that directly is when it's laying on a beach somewhere through a swimsuit bottom, not through the direct route to my core.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Begin drooling now

OH MY HOLY HELL, have you ever seen anything more beautiful? I mean, sure a new baby could give it a run for the money, but it'd be close. My first installment of the Socks That Rock sock club 2007 came in the mail! WOO HOO! The color is called Monsoon and ohhhhhhhhhhh it's purrrrrrty. I haven't even wound it up yet, just carried it around the house with me arranging it into a crystal bowl while I'm in the kitchen, hanging it over the corner of my monitor while I'm here in the office, don't worry, with my dropping the cell phone in the public episode fresh in my mind I am drawing the line at bringing this into the bathroom with me. I'm not that stupid.

Good thing I was knocked out of the knit-off competition last night, now I can finish my picovoli sweater before the weekend and wear it to my brother's 30th birthday party and then decide what pattern to use for this sock yarn. It came with an interesting toe-up inside-out reversible cable thing, but it just didn't speak to me. I may have to just carry it around with me a while longer before I decide. I've still got half a sock to finish for Jeff out of the old boring green merino superwash stuff, so will try to get that done before warm weather hits in full stride. The coolest part of the whole kit and caboodle is the emergency sock yarn keychain. It's a tiny skein of the same yarn wound up and ready to go. It comes with a tag "emergency sock yarn. don't leave home without it." HAH! Good thing I decided to give up eating good food in the month of January to pay for it. Nothing wrong with eating ramen noodles to pay for sock yarn, is there? nah

FOUR POUNDS TO GO PEOPLE. Heck, I think I've poo-ed more than that before. It's getting DAMN close to the end and I'm getting DAMN thirsty for some mike's hard limeades. Oh, and Jeff wanted me to remind "all those women armed with pointy sticks" that I was the one who started this bet.

It's true. He always loved me no matter my weight or lack of energy. He was the one who held me when I cried because I split my denim skirt right up the seam and it was the last thing I owned that I could wear on my bottom half besides two pair of sweat pants last fall. Instead of getting on me about eating better or even *gasp* exercising, he took me shopping and bought me two new pair of very relaxed fit jeans two sizes larger than anything I'd ever owned before and told me I looked hot in them. He is truly a kind and loving man. I've just gotten really bitchy and scary to him lately and all our friends and family have been giving him such a hard time about "aren't you proud of Christine for what she's done so far?" "aren't you going to let her quit and just give her the damn money and not make her mow the yard" etc. He's holding to his end of the bargain because I'm the one who started this thing. It was ME who needed something major to motivate me to give everything I had one last time to either get in shape or die trying before I turned 40.

I actually poked him with a double pointed needle the other day because I was hungry and irritated and he was being obnoxious. Poked him hard. Then threatened him that he'd better be nicer to me because I had a whole army of women armed with even pointier sticks than me.... :) Nothing like a little threat in the morning, huh? Ah well. Life goes on. Non-knitters that get all the goods of a knitter's life need a poking every so often, right?

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Bounced right into the toilet

Yup. I was so excited about posting that picture yesterday that I bounced everywhere I went. Not walked, bounced. Much like Tigger. Isn't it funny that we can look in a mirror over and over and not see how we really look physically? It took the photograph before I saw that I looked so different. I was just bouncy bouncy bouncy, I was so pumped up I swear there was sunshine radiating out of my ass ears.

With all this energy and enthusiasm I knew I could make it through the last hellish days of the bet. (My body's pretty much decided it likes being THIS weight, not 6 pounds lighter thank you very much, so it's gonna get drastic around here until Sunday.) I took myself to the gym like the good little fitness crazed person I was becoming. Bounced into the bathroom stall, did my thing, flushed the toilet (THANK GOD FOR SMALL MIRACLES), turned, bounced and picked up my towel, ipod, locker key and cell phone (not wearing workout pants with pockets) to head up to the dreaded treadmill, when SPLASH! My damn cell phone plopped right into the toilet. I saved the ipod nano by INCHES from a watery grave. Let me tell you, if I lost my music, I'd not be able to keep up the exercise. It's like my superpower. After debating for a few moments on whether or not just to flush the phone away, I realized the sim card is in there and I'd need it for a new phone, I grabbed it out. ick ick ick Well, then I had to wash it off, right? yup, water damage. nice. 6 months to go before I get a new phone. *sigh*

WHY oh WHY didn't we get the insurance on the damn phone? I am known for dropping cell phones. Not just dropping them, often I try to catch them with my foot and end up kicking the poor thing across the parking lot. This actually wasn't the first cell phone to end up inside a public toilet either. A few years back I had an incident with a toilet full of my daughter's poo at Deanna Rose Farm in OP. nice. After cleaning the parts and leaving them all out in the open down near the wood stove, the phone is actually responding mostly well today, a part of the screen is psychedelic and the 6 button doesn't work. Really, how many times do you actually push the number 6? cripes.

The dreaded scarf is now about 8 inches long and is turning out to be kind of cool to look at. The only other person in my group for the knit-off competition that I've heard from restarted yesterday and is knitting along, so I'm still in this thing. I will probably complete it, my daughter has claimed it as for her, but I told her if I finish the damn thing we will have to share it because anything that I knit that makes my eyeballs burn that badly WILL BE WORN dammit. I didn't even work on the picovoli, I'll use that as a reward to look forward to right before bed. You know, it was a lot more fun when I rewarded myself with CHOCOLATE instead of more knitting. Ah well. just a few more days. Bet ends one way or another Sunday March 10th. Back to 6 pounds to go.

Damn this girl makes me laugh...

Monday, March 05, 2007

I'm showing SKIN baby!

First of all, the great knit-off is kicking my living ass. The joy of being a knitting virgin you see, is that I don't come from a background of KNOWING anything about the damn art. I wasn't aware that kirchenering was hard for people, that many do anything else to avoid it. I just had a pattern that called for it, went out and found directions for it and did it. I do this with every new thing that presents itself to me in knitting. Lace caused me many MANY nights of cursing and a few tantrums, but now it's something I love. Each new technique has been a challenge, then something I added to my growing base of knowledge. So why all the philosophy from me first thing in the morning? uniscarfity from Magknits gave me more headaches than any pattern I've ever attempted. I finally got it figured out THREE DAYS into the competition, and now after working ALL EVENING have something as long as my freaking cell phone. *sigh* Six starts. Six starts that were each one as long as my damn cell phone. I kept knitting thinking "maybe the pattern will start to show once it gets a little longer...." yeah. good luck with that. For now, I keep checking to see if anyone in my group posts a completed photo and puts me out of my misery. I just can't seem to give up. Not in my obsessive little nature I guess.

Are you ready for some SKIN people? In between my rants and tantrums from the not working honeycomb brioche stitch scarf or as I began calling it "Satan's Noose" I worked a few rounds on the picovoli. It looks great and I happen to think that I do too! HOW ABOUT THAT TUMMY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN???? That's my "two-pack". I've got 2 lines defining my tummy muscles (no 6-pack, I'm not working that hard!) This is the new and improved me. I'm not brave enough to post the "before" picture yet. My trainer wants me to go for about another month of workouts and do an official "after" picture. I said he could use my chubby and hot little self for motivational/promotional advertising. Yeah, um, the before wasn't pretty. I said only if my after is totally hot. :) Nothing like a little vanity, huh? If we get that whole thing done I'll do a link to it for the brave at heart out there.

Introducing the almost completed picovoli in Twisted Sisters Yarn on the almost completed Christine! I now look in alignment. It's been over 14 years since my arms went straight down at my sides, not out at a big angle to rest against the hips & thighs. My tummy is GONE (five inches smaller), my thighs are now 3 inches smaller. THREE INCHES, can you believe that? I've gained and lost weight many, many MANY times in the last 20 years and I always stayed the same shape, just a little bigger pear and a little smaller pear, but always very bottom heavy. I am full of energy (even off the energy drinks), I can wear NORMAL CLOTHES off the rack now, I go running and playing football, catch, biking, etc. with my kids, I'm a freaking miracle. I'm very proud of myself today, with or without winning the bet I'm in better shape at 38 than I have been since I was 18. yeah for me! Thirty-four pounds lost so far. Un-freaking-Real.

I finally found the manual for my camera, so maybe I'll figure out how to use the timer and can quit taking pictures against a mirror with Jeff's bulletin boards in the background and a post-it note over the flash. maybe.

Still have 5 pounds to go and about 6 days left to finish the bet from hell. I'm glad I did it, this has been the only thing big enough to motivate me to finally get healthy. I think once it's over I'll still keep exercising moderately and keep up my workouts with Trainer Man and eat mostly heatlhy, but I'm SO having a "Christine's bet is over so she's getting pickled" party and drinking some serious Mike's Hard Limeades, carbs and all! WOO HOO!

Seriously, I love my trainer. He's SO NICE and motivational and he helped me work out a changing food plan that kept me sane and lost weight. He's CHEAP (about $35/HOUR sessions) and you can either work out at his gym around 135th & Nall or he'll come TO YOUR HOUSE for HOUSECALLS! He also does group workouts and buddy workouts if you and your hubby want to work out together or two girlfriends want to work out. If anyone's interested, please either leave a comment or email me at treasuregoddessATkcDOTrrDOTcom and I'll give you his info. He's really not intimidating at all like many trainers can be, just works with what you can do. The first time I went to him I tried to do one pushup and never got up. He didn't laugh, he just changed things around and LOOK AT ME NOW! I was doing pushups with my feet on a weight bench and my hands on a yoga ball the other day. Un freaking believable results. Even if you just want to get a little more energy. He's awesome.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Wish me luck!

Perfect timing, while I'm still in crazy knitter mode, the International Knit-Off starts tomorrow. Pattern is supposed to post tomorrow sometime and I have to be the first in my group of six to go to the next level. The knit-off was imagined and put into being by the same chic that started the sock wars. I'm excited, should be fun! I'm in Group A, if anyone else out there is competing.

Not much knitting got done on my picovoli sweater yesterday or today, but I hope to get a bit more done tonight. I was actually wanting to finish it before the knit-off started, but ah well.

Thanks for the votes and the encouragement everyone! I'm in the final stretch of the big ass bet. The deadline has been extended by one week since Jeff'll be traveling over the original dead-date. I've got until Sunday, March 10th to hit the weight goal. I'm really proud of myself, I think I finally feel good enough that I've made progress that I'm gonna do "the measuring" this weekend. I'll post before and after numbers. Just know that going into this thing, each of my thighs measured as big as my waist used to. How scary is that? A petite-boned woman walking around with two legs the size of whole people? wow. I'm pretty sure they've gone down at least an inch or more because all my clothes are big now. I didn't want to measure until now because if I wasn't down any I'd get mighty pissed off.

Off to knit my butt off, have a GREAT weekend everyone!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Picovoli it is!

Well, after jogging up and down the street for about an hour yesterday, (Beth had a playdate and Jeff was traveling, so I couldn't leave for a regular run, just ran up and down the damn street while they played in our yard. Our neighbors are all in on the bet to see who has to mow the yard, so they're used to me acting crazy around here. I finally was able to sit down and knit. I was CRANKING on this baby. I am loving the pattern, simple, fast (even for those not hyped up on energy drinks) and cute as heck! I was still so jittery and crazy that I could only knit for about 10 minutes at a stretch even with my feet tapping and body wiggling along. I'd have to get up and actually do a run in place thing for a few minutes, then sit and knit again. I'm not recommending the overdose on the energy drinks, something combined that was a bit too much even for this caffeine-loving woman, but HOLY SHIT I got a lot done yesterday. Worked, worked out, ran, jump roped, knit my ass off, did laundry, folded AND put away, washed dishes, organized my desk, cleaned out two purses and a knitting bag, swept and mopped the kitchen floor, wiped down the counters and cleaned the stove, organized the fridge and freezer, cleaned two bathrooms, and finally got into bed by about midnight, where I was STILL humming along. I gave up trying to get to sleep and watched Little Miss Sunshine and LOVED IT! Finally dropped off sometime after 2am.

Thanks for your votes and opinions! I'm psyched on this sweater, you just dive in and poof it's a sweater! woo hoo!

Here in KC we had some serious storms going on last night. It's probably a good thing I was so wired and not trying to sleep because it was lightning, thundering, wind blowing, hailing off and on and flash flooding all over the place throughout the whole evening and night. Yesterday was 65 degrees again and this morning taking the kids to school it was snowing big fat flakes and windy. crazy.

Here's a little sign of spring poking up in our flower bed amidst the dead leaves and touch of snow.

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