6 yr old Basketball update from Bitchy McKnitpants

My apologies for plagarizing the Yarn Harlot's Stitchy McYarnpants, but I couldn't help myself. I became Bitchy McKnitpants tonight while sitting quietly knitting away on my tubey sweater, minding my own business at my son's basketball game.

We had quite a night at the old basketball court tonight. First of all, I'm NOT a good little soccer/bb/tball mom. I picked out this very program at a local gym instead of the county or city or school programs because I am lazy. I know that may be a shock to some of you, but seriously, I HATE that whole hour-long-practice at an ungodly late time during the week AND hour-long games at all different times on Saturdays and Sundays that last for an entire season. I picked the 6 week prgoram on Friday nights from 5-6pm. Practice first 1/2 hour, game second 1/2 hour. It is a very laid-back relaxed atmosphere with not much pressure on the kids other than "GO THAT WAY...THE OTHER BASKET IS YOUR TEAM'S..." I know I'll have to go over to the darkside of official sportsdom and do the whole living-in-the-minivan thing, but am putting that off as long as possible.

ANYWAY, back to the action. We play 3 on 3 kids, and they're at the level of parents shouting "DRIBBLE....BOUNCE THE BALL....SHOOT...THAT MEANS THROW THE BALL INTO THE BASKET..." get the picture? We're not the best athletes, but we're happy. EXCEPT for the ONE team that we played tonight. All the teams wear tshirts with little borrowed scrimmage tops put on top. THIS team has their own official bb jerseys bought by one of the moms. That's fine. THIS team also IMPORTED 3 players from the inner city, I swear by all that is holy. (I couldn't help it, I went and asked the moms of these kids what school they went to and was thinking DAMN!--rough school) THIS team also is coached by a junior college bb team. It's leader looks like a younger version of Vanilla Ice. Most of us moms show up in mom-attire...you know, tshirts, jeans, sweat pants, whatever. Once in a while one will come in office clothes, no biggie. THESE moms are quite their own little bunch. High spiky heels, big ol' hair do's and all sporting big-ass diamonds. The ringleader got on my badside tonight when she asked what I was doing (I was knitting) and SNORTED at me. SNORTED. In a totally ladylike fashion, which pissed me off even more.

THIS chic was not only sporting the normal HIGH spiky heels tonight and a glitter spandex tank top showing off a fabulous body (which pissed me off even more, why can't rich bitchy women be fat?) BUT she had jeans which had rhinestones across the back pockets. These jeans were so tight that I got a wedgie just looking at her. She has been christened "Glitter Butt" for all of eternity. Glitter Butt's mom comes out each week and is called "Corpse Nails" (Last week Jeff whispered, look honey, that lady has those corpse nails you dont' like) and is an older, prettier version but also sports tight jeans and tops and high heels.

Somehow our little uncoordinated boys hung tough and WON the game a whole 16 to 14. This is the league that "scores don't matter" and "everyone's a winner" but they still keep score with big ol' flip cards. Go figure. The imported hot-shots were so busy showing off that the team got beat. Glitter Butt's kid (who I don't think has EVER been told "no" in his entire life) was crying and yelling at his mom afterwards, they were all mad and pissy. Our kids were running around jumping on each other like they'd won the NBA finals game or something. Of course, we do that even when we lose 12 to zero, we just have fun.

I need to work on developing my own ladylike snort.