Friday, April 01, 2005

Bagaholics anonymous and a bowl of poo

Hello, my name is Christine, and I'm a bagaholic.

I have more tote bags than a woman should be allowed to have. I have a closet full of "free bonus gift" bags. In my continuing saga of cleaning out my clutter-crammed bedroom and my quest to stay OFF the Oprah show as one of those freaky ladies who end up having to have some professional come and hose down their house, I started on closet #2. Closet #2 is filled with shoe boxes, yarn, books, magazines and those lovely piles of "things to look at now" and "things to file" and "things I should have burned five years ago, but I might need one tiny detail..." etc. This closet is also filled with the tote bags. Not any tote bags, that would be much less scary. No, this series of tote bags is a pretty good version of my life. When I'm out and about, I come across papers, books, magazines, makeup, WHATEVER it is I need to deal with. Instead of taking the 18 seconds it would take to make a quick decision I put it in the tote bag of the day. This tote bag is carried with me on a daily basis as I may have a few minutes of extra time in which to go through said crap. I may actually need something in this crap. So, the bag gets heavier and fuller (yes I KNOW that's not a word, I don't care, more full doesn't seem to have the same flow) and eventually the bag's too crammed full of crap to possibly get one more thing in it. A normal person would probably at this point go through the bag. Actually, a normal person wouldn't have the damn bag in the first place. Nope, mine goes in the closet and another bag comes out. What a joy an almost empty tote bag is. It's clean, it's trendy, it's cute, it's hip, it's full of crap in about 3 days and the vicious cycle repeats itself. I get to where I see tote bags, or large purses or GOD FORBID when Elizabeth Arden, queen of all free gift bags from makeup counters, has their big bag special...if you spend $25, you get some measly little thing, but if you spend $50, you get the grandmamma purse AND the free little bag. Now, what's a bagaholic to do? YES! BABY! BUY THEM ALL.....bwa ha ha haaaaaaa.... Actually, I do have the world's cutest large purse/tote thing from EA. It's pink, with black handles, can carry the world, and has pretty little black & white polkadots on the inside lining. AND zippered pockets inside. If I didn't have it full of crap right now, it'd be a great yarn project bag.

Anyway, I made it through closet #1. It is ORGANIZED and only has 2 piles, crap to put downstairs and crap to file. I actually have a hanging file system now. But nothing's in it, but it's such a pretty little thing.

Closet #2 was attacked last night, but I'm afraid it won. I did make it through the very top shelf (since I can't hardly get up there, not too much crap accumulates there so this is really a babystep of an accomplishment) AND shelf #2. Shelf #2 now has my pretty little (normal sized) purses lined up all stuffed with tissue paper to keep their shape. They look like a trendy little army of pink, lime green, orange, brown & black sylish little things all standing at attention. Don't look down past shelf #2. I have one of those not-really organized systems, but there's shelves on one side and clothes racks on the other. I got distracted (I know, that's hard to believe) by making a swatch of my esperanza and did succeed in putting all my printed free copy patterns I keep printing off in little plastic sleeves and in binders. Can you freaking believe it? The rest of the closet is owned by the tote bags and they frightened me, so I went to bed.

I made a solid resolution to quit buying "free bonus bag" crap at the makeup counter. I mean, I pretty much don't wear hardly any makeup other than mascara and the mineral stuff as a base (bare escentuals stuff ROCKS) and lip gloss. What is this need to buy crap I won't use for mini sizes of stuff I won't use? Then I heard Lancome has their bonus buy going now....I am almost out of the mini mascara I've been using, so I could actually use some of it...I think I'd better head to Dillard's just to be sure.....

On to the bowl of poo.... Well, Joey's tummy decided to quit reacting to his pills that he takes with each meal. CF kids have lots of tummy troubles, part of the fun. We got him a stronger prescription and an extra med to help let the pills get to where they need to be. They needed to make sure he wasn't having some other bacteria cause problems, in there as well.

I must have been having one of those "dense days" as I was talking with the practical nurse that gets the fun duty of dealing with Joey's mom (lucky girl) and she was explaining she needed to get "a sample." I said, sure. I'll bring him by. She was so polite and using technical talk and I was being exceptionally ditzy and didn't make the connection for a few minutes. We are always coughing crud into sterlie containers and running down to Children's Mercy, getting blood taken, etc, so I just was doing the "yeah yeah sure" thing until she finally said in a very exasperated and almost yelling tone, "Christine, I need your child to poop into a plastic bowl and you to bring it to me." OK, so this isn't as funny here, but the conversation that should have gone "Christine, I need a stool sample" and I respond, "of course, I'll bring one right down" was going on and on and on for like 15 minutes of confusion until this poor thing was almost in tears of frustration. I am an idiot.

Joey thought it was the coolest thing he'd ever done. "I get to poop in a BOWL? really? In a bowl? Can I poop in a blue bowl, no a green bowl, no I want to poop in the birthday McDonalds bowl......" and on and on. I finally found a disposable thing (where ARE those damn lids when you need one) and the deed was done and delivered. We walk through the grocery store later, and my little guy is a friendly little bugger, just strikes up conversations all the time with complete confidence. We are in line with a little old lady and Joey starts talking about his know "I'm 5 years old.....I can write my name....You're a really old lady, are you a grandma?....." and on and on. I'm not really paying too close of attention until this lady looks at me like I'm a freak of nature. I suddenly come to attention and realize he's telling all the little old ladies in line that he just pooped into a bowl and his mom put a lid on it. yup. I didn't even try to explain, just smiled and paid my $$ and headed out. We had a little discussion about what we should and should not tallk about with strangers. Poop in a bowl goes in the "better not" category.

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