Monday, January 31, 2005

bowling alleys are bad for me

So, those that don't know me, my hair is my biggest psycho attribute. If my hair's good, all superhero powers are go and life's good. If it's not, I am an absolute FREAKING mess. It's cute. I hate cute. really really hate cute. I know I'll love it in a week or two, but I'm doing my damndest to ignore it, but OMG I may have to go postal on someone. Did you know it's impossible to be tough and intimidating with cute short flippy hair?

Bowling alley tonight, my little team-mate bowled 780 last week when I didn't make it. For those non-bowlers out there, that's absolutely freaking amazing. That's averaging 260 a game for three games. She bowled well again tonight and was VERY excited about bowling tonight and is a lady who's so wired she makes ME look calm, which seemed to piss off our opponents a bit. We bowled a group of ladies that don't seem to realize we're in a little league in a little bowling alley and NO ONE CARES. It is a scratch league, but these are NOT professional bowlers, the majority of us SUCK. I do enjoy beating them, only because it pisses them off so... Anyway, I'm warming up, waiting my turn to throw the ball in practice and this chic POKES me in the back, making some comment, POKES me HARD. I was pissed. I did not turn around, wasn't going to even look at her. I think she meant to be joking, but it freaking hurt. THEN after the first few frames she yelled across at me something I didn't understand and I smiled sweetly with attitude and decided I'd just beat her each game. (which I did with relish) Another chic said, man, I'd have turned around and knocked her on her ass if she poked me like that and I said, "have you LOOKED at me?" I do not give off an air of ass-kickability. In fact, in my one and only fight-ish situation a few years ago, I said what I considered to be a witty comment to this old man (again at a bowling alley) who was being a royal ass to me and his 70 year old wife stood up and hit me in the shoulder and knocked me flat on my ass. I guess I looked a bit scary (back in my days of big hair) when I got up as she then faked a heart attack to the point of having an ambulance take her away after she staggered around the room dramatically before dropping ala Gone with the Wind damsel in distress. Can anyone say Jerry Springer????

I know, I know, these bowling alleys are apparently not good for me. Hmmm. A bad marriage due to the ex cheating on me with bowling groupies (scary, isn't it?) at his pro tournaments.....a bad mini-marriage with another a man who I didn't realize was married until his WIFE called me on the phone and when I asked "what can I do for you" thinking it was his daughter, told me "stop dating my husband" (also a bowler).....getting dropped like a rock by a 70 yr old woman at a bowling alley.....getting poked by some psycho-bitch-with-delusions-of-grandeur at a bowling alley.... Anyone see a pattern here? I hardly even spend any time at them now, weird. AND Bill (my old boss/date for the last few months off and on) who manages a bowling center in Hilton Head called tonight at the bowling alley asking when I'm coming down to South Carolina for a weekend. I'm thinking nope.

On the knitting front, I'm all inspired and have been checking out purse styles and can't wait to experiment with a new felted bag or two. It shouldn't be hard, I only want a totally classic line, it to look unbelievably expensive, be fast to knit so I can stockpile them by Sept for my little sale, and not use much yarn. Easy, huh?

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