Wednesday, June 29, 2005

let's go swimming with the new honey AND his ex-wife

Doesn't that just sound like too much fun? It almost was. holy crap on a popsicle stick.

First, look at my pretty little sophies: I think I'm going to add some felted flowers to the green one. Disregard the pretty Target bags sticking out of the tops, they're helping shape among the cans of pumpkin filling and old are those cans anyway? cripes. I have GOT to get some more schaefer esperanza to make more felted groove bags for the sale. I'm also cranking out some little cell phone/lipstick bags (my generation called them bar-bags) out of the leftover esperanza for some interesting groovy looking patterns, I'll add pics once they get felted.

OK, enough knitting crap, lets get to the evening's entertainment. And entertainment it was. SO, remember I was set up with my honey by my son's preschool teachers, as Joey and Jeff's youngest son are in the same class. I've met the ex-wife a few times, she's very polite and it was only marginally uncomfortable. Jeff always talks about how she can be so polite in public and let's just say "not so nice" when it's just he & she. It's Jeff's night to have the boys and there's a pool party for the families of the preschool aged kids. I go with Joey and bring Ben (his little friend and Jeff's youngest) and Jeff brings his other son. We walk in together and drop our stuff off on a chair. His ex-wife walks up and hugs the kids and says hello to me. Very normal stuff. no problemo. The chic has bigger boobs than me (who doesn't?) but my butt & belly outshine hers and there's some cellulite on her that I'm missing, so I'm all feeling good (yes it's petty, but that's me). We go off to swim and she wanders over to her chair. Jeff & I and the boys are playing water basketball and she swims up and steals the ball from Jeff playfully and starts playing too. I'm thinking "ick" but hang out for a while. She doesn't talk to either of us, not one word, but it's just getting a bit creepy. For all practical purposes, it looks like they're this happy family and I'm the extra woman just hanging out not sure what to do. I mean, it's not like I can swim up and steal the ball from her and go all postal on her ass. I decide it's time for Joey and I to go swim off on our own for a while. We wander off.

Jeff & the boys come looking for us, we all go to the diving boards. My son, normally a bit on the wimpy side, gets brave enough to go off the board as long as I'm in the water at the edge to pull him up. I'm so proud. Jeff & his boys compete in a cannonball contest, all good fun. I get up to dive off one board, glance to the other board, and ex-wifey is diving off it next to me. IS IT JUST ME OR IS IT CREEPY????? I think, you know, I'm NOT leaving biotch. I smile and I dive in too. STILL not talking to us, but standing within that uncomfortably close range of us all the time. It's like we're this big happy family on the outside and FREAKY ASS MESSED up on the inside. She HAS a boyfriend also and he was THERE too, but she was hanging with us, weird weird weird. It was like the Brady Bunch converts to old-school Mormons. After a while, I went up to ex-wifey and said, you know, "I think Joey and I are going to go hang out with some friends to give you guys some family time." She looked at me like I was crazy, had no idea things were a bit CREEPY TOWN. I can't describe it here, but let's just say EVERYWHERE I went, there she was. Not threatening at all, I'd be ok with that. but nice. and in my space. and creepy. It's not like I was thinking she couldn't spend time with her boys, but for the LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, couldn't she say "hey, I'll take the boys over here to play for a while?" or something instead of looking like June freaking Cleaver out on a weekend adventure with Ward and the boys? was his name ward or walt? I can't remember.

Finally her bf came over and held her hand and they went off for a while. Things go to almost normal. She plays with her boys and the bf for a while, they come and play with Jeff for a while, normal stuff.

We go eat our hotdog meals (Just Jeff, me and the boys as ex-wifey was with her own bf) and then she comes up and sits down at the little table, scooting between her boys. She looks at me, and says "I just miss them so much when they're away, surely you know how it is?". She dropped them off at school that very morning and will get them back TOMORROW. I thought oh yeah, I party all night the few times I'm without kids, but sure, you just go ahead and freak out. whatever.

After a bit more weirdness, we get ready to head out, she comes over to hug her boys goodbye, shook my hand, saying how nice it was to see me again and we all walked out together. She never said one word to Jeff, which was actually pretty funny in retrospect. I thought this chic has learned how to work over a man and I had to respect that, doing a bit of gotcha's to my own ex long ago.

OK, so it sounds totally boring now, but I'm telling you, it was SINISTER and just not right. It reminded me of an old episode of Frasier. Remember when Niles had left his new bride for Daphne but the scorned woman made him attend all the social functions and pretend to still be married, she'd be polite in front of people and psycho up close? THAT was my night. Poor Jeff looked like a deer in the headlights, trying so hard to be with his kids without them realizing anything was weird and trying to hang out with us too. The man does have a good heart.

On the plus-side, honeyboy and I have survived our first misunderstanding. awwwww. Yes, it's very sweet. He'd pissed the living crap out of me and then he was freaking out about something totally different and we talked last night and realized we both were totally retarded. Now we're back to lovey-dovey and Joey and I are going to his lakehouse for the 4th weekend. awwwww. PLUS the guy told me that I looked so thin and he told me he thought I'd lost weight. (I know, I know, that's an easy get-laid trick by men, but HEY it's nice to hear ANYWAY!) He may or may not be a keeper. At least I'm keeping it an option. I have a FEW issues with relationships. just a few.

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