Thursday, March 15, 2007

We interrupt this knitting blog for a little jubilation and cursing

I have an announcement. I went shopping today. Not the BIG shopping day, I just had about 45 minutes and thought, hey, maybe I can just run in and try on a pair of capri's or something. I haven't gone shopping for clothes since way way way long ago, when I was faced with the realization that even the easy fit size 12 jeans and pants weren't going over the thighs. Pair that with the fact that I had about a size 6 waist, and even if they would have gone up, there was some serious plumber butt realities to deal with. About a month ago I fit into all my skinny clothes (they were size 10 stuff) and that was magical, but those clothes are all too big now and Jeff pointed out that maybe I'd want to actually wear something that fit me now.

I was actually a little bit terrified. I ran by the Eddie Bauer outlet in Olathe and pulled some capri's and a few skirts and even a couple pair of jeans back with me. I took 8's and 10's. They were TOO FUCKING BIG. I had to sit down on the floor of the dressing room. The sales girl came back and asked how I was doing. I gave her my pile and asked if she would mind bringing back some 6's. I couldn't hardly say the word "six". It was like if I said it out loud, the big thighs would magically come back as punishment. Yeah, the jeans I'm wearing RIGHT FUCKING NOW are size 6. NOT easy fit 6, but plain old off the fucking rack size 6. I know sizes really don't matter, they're just numbers, what matters is how you feel, how you look and all that bullshit, but in my entire life I've never owned a pair of size 6 jeans. Way way way back in college I had some 8's but that was so long ago it's all just fuzzy now. The skirt she brought me was still big in the waist and a little baggy on the hips. After praising the mighty mighty thigh goddesses, I quietly asked if they could check the stock room for, um, a smaller size on the skirt. The salesgirl came back after a while and said "sorry for the delay, I had to undress the mannikin to get our smallest size for you." Ladies, I about threw open the door and frenched that girl. It was all I could do not to burst into tears.

I now have a cute skirt, a cute top, a pair of jeans THAT FIT MY BODY and one pair of capri's. I'm planning on heading out for an entire day of playing hooky, eating a fabulous lunch and shopping my living ass off but that will have to wait until after the kids' spring break. I feel like Miss Fucking America, you know, when she's doing the funky barbie doll broken hand wave, tears streaming down her plastic shellacked face and wearing the crown and holding the roses. Un-fucking-believable.

I know, I know, people are tired of hearing how amazed I am at the fact that dieting and exercising actually work, but you have to realize, I just never thought I'd be able to do it.

On a knitterly note, after leaving the apple store down at the plaza (didn't buy anything yet but really REALLY want a laptop from there but don't want to spend all the $$), my truck was SUPPOSED to be going towards the Jerusalem Deli or Diner or whatever that restaurant is. I was craving one of their salads BIG TIME. I ended up going in a big circle twice trying to find my damn way to Westport Road. The next thing I know, I'm heading up a hill in generally the right direction. I think, "huh, all the lines on this road are white and dotted. That's weird." Yup, wrong way sally. Nice. I look up the hill, at a stop light (thank God for red lights) are FOUR cars' headlights all pointed AT ME. Quick u-turn and suddenly I find myself just around the corner from the Studio Yarn shop. I take this as a sign from the yarn gods and not to fuck with the system. I go in, wander around, buy the most obnoxiously orange and pink and red skeins of Twisted Sisters yarn to make yet another tank top for moi (because I AM a selfish knitter) and sit around petting yarn and flipping through all the new books and magazines. It was a great day.

I know it doesn't seem like much, yeah, she went shopping. What's the big deal? You have to realize. I shop for tops, I shop for a-line dresses. I never shopped for jeans or slacks (it's been over 8 years since I owned even one pair of pants other than sweats or jeans, the thin material just can't take the screaming work of holding in thighs like denim could). It was always so depressing that I just couldn't take it any longer. Up until today, in the last 8 years I've bought maybe 4 pair of jeans, 2 pair of capri's and 2 skirts that I found that had drawstring waists so I could wear them. period. EIGHT FUCKING YEARS. I know this because the last time I could remember being able to wear a pair of pants off the rack was before I got pregnant with Joey.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...