Thursday, March 08, 2007

I literally have sunshine coming out of my ass

First of all, let me just show this...

Next, the knitting content, then the sunshiney story.

First pic is the front of the scarficity. I got this far into it and someone else in my group finished first. 2nd pic is the back side of the scarf. I think I even like it better. I'm not cut out for colorwork. Any more than 2 balls of yarn makes me crazy, this one had 2 balls and one little baby ball. Ok, any more than ONE ball of yarn at a time makes me crazy. I do like this one, but for now it's going deep down to the bottom of the "in progress" drawer. Knit-Off is over for me. It was interesting, but meh. Not so much for me this time. I had more fun in sock wars last year.

NOW comes the good part. MY TOES on MY SCALE! How 'bout that? The last couple of days weren't pretty, but they're done. I'm thinking of this whole body & life changing thing I've been through as a lifestyle change rather than diet & exercise hell. I think it makes it easier to keep up with the new me this way. My plan is to continue eating small meals throughout the day, pumping lots of protein and water and still working out and walking, just everything in much more mellower terms. I'll also eat some damn chocolate chip cookies when I feel like it, thank you very much. All things in moderation. you know. Scale is going to be put away and now I can just eat when I'm hungry, work out when I want to exercise and focus on being healthy and all that.

Now the sunshine story (for those of you suffering from weak nerves from my Too Much Information tendencies, click away now, this one's a bit graphic and icky)...
This morning dawned with me at a lovely 127.0. I had called around last week and scheduled a massage and colonic with what I thought was my favorite sounding place, but, due to losing brain cells, actually made the reservation with the least favorite sounding place. One sounded healthy, relaxed, comfortable and one person sounded uptight and a little bit intense. SO, off to the intense colonic place I went without having a damn clue. I figured, sure, why not, that'll take the 2 lbs right off, huh? sure.

The massage was WONDERFUL! The lady was a bit bitter in all her stories, of how she puts special oil on herself so her clients don't suck all the happiness and life energy from her while she's doing this stuff. ok. sure. I'm thinking non-life-energy-force-sucking thoughts to help her out. no worries. Colonic time. Not so bad, not so fun, but livable. Things are getting a bit more intense, tummy is cramping pretty good, I gasp out "how much time is left? can we be done really REALLY soon please?" She agrees, backs off on the pressure of the water, tells me the last step is to add the clorophyll to the mixture and send it into me. I lightly freak out, saying "isn't that the stuff that people would use to knock someone unconscious?" No, she assures me, that's chloroform. This is clorophyll, energy from the sun. She is "sending the energy and power of the sun into my core."

Do you ever have those moments in life where you KNOW you shouldn't say something? Usually I have those moments just moments AFTER I already said what I shouldn't say. I said, "so basically, you're shooting sunshine up my ass?" yeah. Did I mention I made the appointment with the slightly bitter, paranoid and apparently NO SENSE OF HUMOR having woman? nice. Never, ever EVER piss off someone that's holding the trigger to stuff (sunshine or not) that is entering you from what is not your best side.

Ended up with considerable cramping after this little episode. Apparently I'm not able to "fully release" all my bad energy and other "toxins". Duh. My non-ability to "fully release" was the whole damn reason for me GETTING A DAMN COLONIC IN THE FIRST PLACE you bitter energy depleted hag! Got home, stepped on the scale and was reading 128.2. Yes, though I SAW the "toxins" going out of my body through a tube and did quite a bit of releasing, I was heavier than when I went into the whole thing. Apparently sunshine weighs 1.2 pounds.

Sweated myself back down to the goal number, it just had to have 125 in it, not be 125.0 or anything. Then I sensibly sat down, drank a bottle of water, three pieces of pizza and 2 chocolate chip cookies and am feeling much better towards mankind.

What will I spend my $$ on???? Here's a few clues.... 1) continuing workouts with Trainer Man. 2) new MAC laptop 3) KNITTING TATTOO (but a henna one since I'm scared of needles and how bad it would look when I get old and wrinkly) and 4) a microphone for the Knitting Virgin's podcast. What do you think? Too many knitting podcasters out there? I figured I'd do a little knit chat, a little health tips, a little crazy life stories and a few tunes. We'll see. That's the plan anyway. That and making sure that the next time my ass sees sunshine that directly is when it's laying on a beach somewhere through a swimsuit bottom, not through the direct route to my core.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...