Monday, March 12, 2007

Dear Dumbass,

Dear, Dear, Dumbass,

I'm so very glad you stole my wallet two years ago. I'm also glad to see you're still out there trying. Thanks for leaving one of my blank checks in a pocket of the Delta airliner coming back from your trip to Oahu. Yes, though I was in Maui earlier this year, I traveled on American Airlines and didn't bring checks with me. The blank check was found by a nice woman who is a hair stylist in Overland Park, KS WHERE I LIVE. She nicely called to tell me, thinking I may have dropped it and gave me the particulars from it and then tore it to bits. After going to the bank, I realized this is one of the check numbers from long ago that caused me to have to open a new account and replace all the stuff that I USED to carry in a wallet. (I have since learned and now live with one debit card, my driver's license and a health insurance card ONLY in my purse or pocket.)

I do hope you had a lovely trip, and am pretty sure that you had to finance it by stealing someone else's identity because I have such pathetic credit (left over from a bad divorce with a gambler and lots of debts) that I have just recently been awarded my first credit card in years with a whole credit limit of $300. I'm guessing you threw away my check because you were tired of people laughing at you when you tried to get money based on my name and let's face it, $300 won't get you to Hawaii. Heck, that wouldn't even get you to Texas with gas prices as they are. I am still watching my credit reports for signs of trouble. Best wishes for getting caught and you can bite me on my little left buttock.


Now for the good stuff:

Crazy ass knitting project is done and I LOVE THIS FREAKING SWEATER!!! Thanks for the votes for Picovoli, I'm SO SO SO glad I picked this one. This is the sweater that saved me from my late night eating. Every time I had a craving I picked it up and knit. and knit. and knit. I had lots of late night cravings the last 2 weeks of the bet and am glad I have something to wear on my skinnier healthier self rather than the extra flab that would have been put on my bod instead. Compulsive knitting. It's a good thing. I pretty much knit this thing in about 3 days. Just sewed the ends in yesterday and wore it with pride.

Yes, that IS a Mike's Hard Limeade in my hand. Note the lack of makeup and the slightly fuzzy eyes? Let's see. Jeff was traveling in CA, his ex-wife had to drop the boys off early with me Friday morning with the end of the FLU. (They don't "believe" in the flu shot.--I said, what, do you think it's invisible medicine? Pretend crying by pretend children in the pretend doctor's office getting poked with pretend needles? I "believe" those two boys have now had the flu THREE TIMES this winter. Our family has avoided it except Beth did barf once due to either the fastest form of the flu or eating something bad. We are "believers" and religiously get the shots each year.) ANYWAY, let's sum it up. Two sick boys coming into a house with a boy who is FINALLY feeling good after getting over a lung infection that a flu bug would put into the hospital. nice. Can we say a LITTLE bit of stress and a BUTTLOAD of clorox wipes? Yes, I was the Clorox Nazi this weekend. Then we had all four children together and had to re-adjust to having a quiet house from Jeff traveling for an entire week to total chaos. Yes, fuzzy eyes were because this was my THIRD Mike's Hard Limeade in a very short amount of time. It's funny, children are so much easier to deal with when I'm a bit fuzzy. This is probably a good reason why I laughed till I peed when my mother once proposed I should do in-home daycare. I love children, just for small amounts of time and then I love to give them back to those they belong to.

I forgot I was going to start health tips today. oops. Let's do tip #2 which is EAT SOME DAMN BREAKFAST and I'll do the big #1 how to motivate yourself to get healthier hopefully tomorrow. I never, ever, ever used to eat breakfast, unless you count back in college at Country Kitchen at 3am after the bars closed. I now am a total believer. You reform your body and lose weight and just get good things happening by starting your metabolism going first thing in the am. At least pick up a drink of cold water within 10 minutes of getting up. DRINK IT. This will get things clanging around inside you. Good things. Try to eat something with a little bit of protein and a little bit of carbs in it within an hour of getting up. Good examples would be a protein shake, an egg and a piece of whole grain toast, a bowl of whole grain cheerios or special K with skim milk (watch those "healthy" cereals because a lot have a TON of carbs, sugar and not much protein), or even a light protein bar if you're on the run. Keep drinking water all day long. It's so important you can't even imagine. Carry a water bottle with you everywhere you go because for some reason it's harder to get all your water when you drink out of glasses versus a water bottle. Breakfast. It won't kill you.

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