let's go swimming with the new honey AND his ex-wife

Doesn't that just sound like too much fun? It almost was. holy crap on a popsicle stick.

First, look at my pretty little sophies: I think I'm going to add some felted flowers to the green one. Disregard the pretty Target bags sticking out of the tops, they're helping shape among the cans of pumpkin filling and cranberries...how old are those cans anyway? cripes. I have GOT to get some more schaefer esperanza to make more felted groove bags for the sale. I'm also cranking out some little cell phone/lipstick bags (my generation called them bar-bags) out of the leftover esperanza for some interesting groovy looking patterns, I'll add pics once they get felted.

OK, enough knitting crap, lets get to the evening's entertainment. And entertainment it was. SO, remember I was set up with my honey by my son's preschool teachers, as Joey and Jeff's youngest son are in the same class. I've met the ex-wife a few times, she's very polite and it was only marginally uncomfortable. Jeff always talks about how she can be so polite in public and let's just say "not so nice" when it's just he & she. It's Jeff's night to have the boys and there's a pool party for the families of the preschool aged kids. I go with Joey and bring Ben (his little friend and Jeff's youngest) and Jeff brings his other son. We walk in together and drop our stuff off on a chair. His ex-wife walks up and hugs the kids and says hello to me. Very normal stuff. no problemo. The chic has bigger boobs than me (who doesn't?) but my butt & belly outshine hers and there's some cellulite on her that I'm missing, so I'm all feeling good (yes it's petty, but that's me). We go off to swim and she wanders over to her chair. Jeff & I and the boys are playing water basketball and she swims up and steals the ball from Jeff playfully and starts playing too. I'm thinking "ick" but hang out for a while. She doesn't talk to either of us, not one word, but it's just getting a bit creepy. For all practical purposes, it looks like they're this happy family and I'm the extra woman just hanging out not sure what to do. I mean, it's not like I can swim up and steal the ball from her and go all postal on her ass. I decide it's time for Joey and I to go swim off on our own for a while. We wander off.

Jeff & the boys come looking for us, we all go to the diving boards. My son, normally a bit on the wimpy side, gets brave enough to go off the board as long as I'm in the water at the edge to pull him up. I'm so proud. Jeff & his boys compete in a cannonball contest, all good fun. I get up to dive off one board, glance to the other board, and ex-wifey is diving off it next to me. IS IT JUST ME OR IS IT CREEPY????? I think, you know, I'm NOT leaving biotch. I smile and I dive in too. STILL not talking to us, but standing within that uncomfortably close range of us all the time. It's like we're this big happy family on the outside and FREAKY ASS MESSED up on the inside. She HAS a boyfriend also and he was THERE too, but she was hanging with us, weird weird weird. It was like the Brady Bunch converts to old-school Mormons. After a while, I went up to ex-wifey and said, you know, "I think Joey and I are going to go hang out with some friends to give you guys some family time." She looked at me like I was crazy, had no idea things were a bit CREEPY TOWN. I can't describe it here, but let's just say EVERYWHERE I went, there she was. Not threatening at all, I'd be ok with that. but nice. and in my space. and creepy. It's not like I was thinking she couldn't spend time with her boys, but for the LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, couldn't she say "hey, I'll take the boys over here to play for a while?" or something instead of looking like June freaking Cleaver out on a weekend adventure with Ward and the boys? was his name ward or walt? I can't remember.

Finally her bf came over and held her hand and they went off for a while. Things go to almost normal. She plays with her boys and the bf for a while, they come and play with Jeff for a while, normal stuff.

We go eat our hotdog meals (Just Jeff, me and the boys as ex-wifey was with her own bf) and then she comes up and sits down at the little table, scooting between her boys. She looks at me, and says "I just miss them so much when they're away, surely you know how it is?". She dropped them off at school that very morning and will get them back TOMORROW. I thought oh yeah, I party all night the few times I'm without kids, but sure, you just go ahead and freak out. whatever.

After a bit more weirdness, we get ready to head out, she comes over to hug her boys goodbye, shook my hand, saying how nice it was to see me again and we all walked out together. She never said one word to Jeff, which was actually pretty funny in retrospect. I thought this chic has learned how to work over a man and I had to respect that, doing a bit of gotcha's to my own ex long ago.

OK, so it sounds totally boring now, but I'm telling you, it was SINISTER and just not right. It reminded me of an old episode of Frasier. Remember when Niles had left his new bride for Daphne but the scorned woman made him attend all the social functions and pretend to still be married, she'd be polite in front of people and psycho up close? THAT was my night. Poor Jeff looked like a deer in the headlights, trying so hard to be with his kids without them realizing anything was weird and trying to hang out with us too. The man does have a good heart.

On the plus-side, honeyboy and I have survived our first misunderstanding. awwwww. Yes, it's very sweet. He'd pissed the living crap out of me and then he was freaking out about something totally different and we talked last night and realized we both were totally retarded. Now we're back to lovey-dovey and Joey and I are going to his lakehouse for the 4th weekend. awwwww. PLUS the guy told me that I looked so thin and he told me he thought I'd lost weight. (I know, I know, that's an easy get-laid trick by men, but HEY it's nice to hear ANYWAY!) He may or may not be a keeper. At least I'm keeping it an option. I have a FEW issues with relationships. just a few.

lots of feet in the dungeon welcoming me back

The pitter patter of little feet down in dungeonland are not those of merry little children, visiting, nope. Not those of new employees, nope. Part-time girl is still there. She had me worried as she showed up in the same black pantsuit she wore to OUR interview so I thought she may have been working on finding another job, but now she's there, with hair dyed as bright pink/red/metallic as you've ever seen, flip flops and jeans with parts cut out and bright green ribbon lacing them up the sides. Not quite the shy little blond "Oh, I tried to go away to college, but after one semester I missed my mom so much I had to come home...you see, we're best friends....." now. Now she talks about which titty bars are the fully nekkid ones and how those only serve juice while if they keep a string up their butts, you can serve alcohol. wooooo hooooo. That meshes well with Preacher man/bossman. Actually, she's pretty good at doing all the stuff we have, TOO good actually. Maybe I should get her addicted to blogging, she keeps coming back and saying "I'm done with that, now what can I do?" until we have NOTHING left for her to do. How hard is it to surf the net a bit? read a damn magazine? anyone? jeez.

BACK to the little feet, sorry. I sat down at the desk, pulled my little envelope with a paycheck in it from my inbox, and this BIG ASS COCKROACH with serious ATTITUDE jumped out at me. EEEEWWWWW. It was dancing around at me like it was saying "what 'cha gonna do biotch?" at me. It was not pleasant. I miss the good ol' days of killing crickets and roly polies in the kitchen, not having big ass nasty bugs jumping out at me. and on my desk MY DESK.....eeeewwwwww!! I cleaned that puppy inside and out when I moved over there, and I swear I'm not a dirty person, no food near there....eeeewwwww. The place is a hole. I've finally convinced bossman that we should PROBABLY do something before I run screaming from the basement never to return. He said he'd bug bomb next weekend. ick ick ick.

Our beloved President is speaking to the nation tonight with a "clear strategy" for Iraq. hmmmm. I haven't decided if I can watch it or not. So far, my cousin count is good, 2 army, 1 air force, 1 contractor all still alive in Iraq. Let's hope the "clear strategy" includes getting all our family members home alive and as little-emotionally scarred as possible. The Illustrated Daily Scribble is particularly good today, go see it.

Knitting news, I made TWO, count 'em TWO sophie bags, and am going to felt them today, I'm so stinking excited. I know they're little bitty things when done, but I thought they'd look good with some felted flowers attached. I'm forcing myself to use some of my stash as I'm TOO FREAKING POOR after vacationing, gambling and all the rest.

Happy Blog Bday to Me!

Wow, the Knitting Virgin is one year old. I can't believe so much time has passed. I can't believe I'm still in this dungeon that caused the stress that required this blog to save my sanity... Time flies! (I know I sound like an old Grandma, tough crap!) What began as a way to keep myself from screaming in person (screaming in type is so much more socially accepted) has now become a wonderful part of my life. Thanks to all the friends I've made in blogland and to my non-knitting friends that read to keep up with my little life stories as well!

Reading back over some of the old posts, I realized I was much more fun to read when I was more bitter. Maybe I should get all pissy again! Here's a few of my fave's...

Momma toughs up Joey & Beth

old guy prayer from the good OLD days


Master of my donut domain & the bike/chubby roller blading man incident"

Yes, I'm an idiot and can't reference back to the archived post as I can only get to the entire month. Sorry.

Florida Stories Part 2: (sorry, long post follows)
The last day of our WONDERFUL trip I decided to take the kids to Marco Island. It was the PRETTIEST beach I've ever seen...white sand, beautiful shells, and EVERYTHING was alive. The beach by the Pier in Naples, FL had people fishing a ways off shore, but really nothing was wiggling around near me. I'm one of those people who likes to be out in nature, but doesn't actually like anything in nature to touch me. I like the IDEA of nature, just on my own terms.

Apparently the undisturbed natural scene is a real draw for others. Beautiful beach, pretty waters, the kids and I parked our stuff under the umbrella and headed in. EVERY FREAKING thing was MOVING around us in the water. Freaked me out. majorly. Minnows nibbling at our toes, crabs and other creepy things in shells moved when you stepped on them. Yes, my feet touched icky things without my approval. The kids loved it. They ran around with their sand buckets trying to catch minnows and other weird long skinny snake-looking fishes and had a blast. I toughed up and decided not to pass my insecurites along to the kids. I caught a couple of fish for the kids in the bucket, they were so impressed. Then I saw this big string of seaweed floating nearby and grabbed it up to further impress my children with being able to see nature up close & personal. It was not seaweed. It was alive. It did not like being picked up. I think it was a snook? Some freaky eel/snake looking fish that did some major flip in my hands. I screamed, all the people nearby screamed, the beach was almost cleared as the dolphins were swimming in as well and someone thought I saw a shark. It was quite the scene. yup, just call me nature-girl.

We saw dolphins, some guy near me asked if I wanted to hold a live sea dollar. I looked and decided, not so much. It was covered in hairs and very strange. I guess the pretty sea-dollar shell thing is INSIDE the animal. I always thought some little critter went inside the shell. Live & learn. Everywhere you stepped, things MOVED under your toes. I had the kids float on their boogy boards so they didn't get bit by anything. I got stung on the bottom of one of my feet right in the middle of my arch by something and did not scream, was tough and only cussed under my breath. We even had a manatee (freaky sea cow looking thing) swim up and people went out to swim along. I passed on that little adventure as I'd had enough of nature by then.

THROUGH all of this there was this little older guy watching us in the water. You know me, I never overreact, so I was thinking PEDOPHILE. We moved a ways down the beach, he followed. We went up for a break under the umbrella, he came up and said
"hello...you verra verra bootiful woman" yup, I'm sexual dynamite. I said, "thank you, but I'm married" and gave Joey a look that said "SHUT UP NOW!!!!!!" He smiled, said "no speak English, you speak Italia?" "No, Married, Sorry", turned my back on him thinking he'd get the picture. Apparently not. For the next TWO HOURS this little guy followed us around, staying about 3 feet from me, just staring at me. Quite unnerving. When I was picking up shells, he'd come, bring me some shells, bow low, smile and more "verra verra bootiful" crap. We sat and ate lunch with this guy just standing nearby. I'm not kidding, TWO HOURS of him following us around. I was considering asking some nice man nearby to ask the guy to leave for me, when Italian man comes up and says "if you married, where you husband?" I pointed at the hotel and said, "he doesn't like me talking with other men, he gets very angry" I even made an angry manly face. He stood around a while longer and finally left. creepy. Yes, I'm a single mother with my children in a strange land. Let me go off with an old guy that doesn't speak English and end up on cnn news. yeah. that makes sense. Cripes. We ended up having the time of our lives even WITH the critters, fish and old guys.

Florida stories part 1

AAAAAHHHHHHHH it was so relaxing down in Naples last week. I could have stayed for a few weeks. I couldn't believe these kids. They were happy, got along almost the entire trip, and just wanted to go to the beach. period. Tropical storm Arlene caused a week's worth of raining and flooding, but we got lucky in that it all ended the Sunday we flew in. I was concerned we were landing in a swamp, and it was bumpy in the rain clouds, but no gators got us. good thing. After that, it was all sunshine and happiness.

Click the itty bitty pics to see our larger versions. I just dropped off the disposable camera today, so should have pics of the action shots of body surfing and other general beach silliness soon. Can't wait!

Our days went like this...wake up around 8am, make waffles (talking like Donkey from the movie Shrek, yes each day we did this), put on swimsuits, pack big ol' cooler full of water and snacks, head for the swimming pool & hot tub at the condo. I don't know why, but my kids had as much fun in the tiny swimming pool and not-hot tub playing with "headless barbie" as they did at the beach. Our days began and ended here, which helped to wash off the sand in the outdoor shower too I guess. I don't know why, but headless Barbie was an everlasting source of games. They played "fling headless barbie", if she landed butt-up (no face so you can't say face-up or heads/tails here), they jumped into the not-hot tub, if she landed belly-up, jump into the pool. repeat for hours. Then, off to the beach for body surfing on boogy boards, eating ice cream cones on the pier, building sand castles, picking up sea shells and more body surfing until it's time to eat snacks under the umbrella. Everything tastes better with sand in it. We'd head back to the pool, to the condo, play cards or go for a walk or see a movie and go to bed and start the whole dang thing over again. heaven!

One night my baby bro and I decided to head out gambling. No sissy Indian Casino's for us, nope. No pretty large SAFE cruise ship casino's either, apparently. He picked one a friend had gone on before and it was a DUMP on floats. cripes. We rode on this shuttle boat out into "international waters" aka "too damn far from the coast to even see land on the horizon", to meet up with the casino boat. We passed a few other LOVELY LARGE safe-looking ones on our way, but kept on going. going going going. We pulled up next to this boat that I swear had duct-tape holding it together. It was not much bigger than the damn shuttle boat we rode on out there. I was a bit concerned, but figured, what the heck? THEN a few storms come through. I'm getting a bit more concerned, but am doing ok at the craps table, so figure AH, what'll happen. Started losing said money and took a walk upstairs. It started rocking so that I was having a hard time standing up (not just the free beers and a couple of shots I'd had, the water was ROUGH!) I thought I'd better start looking around for the lifeboats (none visible). Ok, no problemo. Find where the life preservers are kept. There were two little closets with small numbers of jackets supposedly inside. The closets were in the back corner of the lower deck. I figured that would be a death trap to try to get there if we started sinking, so I decided to work on self-preservation here. I started checking out the fat people on the boat. I discarded the tough mafia-looking ones as they'd have too much attitude. I settled on a nice overweight couple as my peeps. If we went down, I was going to very nicely ask to float on top of them. Not only would we float, but the sharks would hopefully get full before getting to this single momma. I've got to look out for those kids, right? My brother told me I was nuts, but he's skinny and a hell of a swimmer, so he'd probably do just fine in the water. I wasn't worried until I couldn't see the shore any longer and those dang pipes with water shooting out of the bottom of the boat were cranking out the water. I know they are supposed to do that a bit, but when that boat started rockin, I was ready to live. (I mean no offense to overweight people, I, myself, am too chubby for my own good, but seriously, being politically incorrect could have saved me from the sharks.)

More about my sweet/psycho little old Italian man "verra verra bootiful woman" that I could NOT get rid of when we went to Marco Island. Yes, we went around saying "marco...polo...marco...polo" the entire time we were on the island. So, my children are obnoxious too, where would they have learned that?

An apology to my best friend in the world Jildo. I called Jildo from the deck of the upper level as I watched the waves crashing onto our little boat and I thought I was going to die. You don't get a lot of cell phone coverage out there, so I cut out after explaining how I was going to outlive the sharks and I left her a bit concerned. All she heard was "international waters" "sharks" "storm" and "lost a butt-load of money" so she thought she was going to have to wire money to me on some strange island if I survived the storm. I did email later to let her know I was alive and had enough $$ to make it home (we'd been on a few trips where the gas card was the only thing keeping us fed and alive on the 20 hour drive home, so there's a history here). SORRY Jildo!

Thanks Secret Pal!! You're the BEST!

Check it out, click the little pic to see my goodies in all their glory...can't you just see me embellishing every living thing with felted flowers???? I'm telling you, this has EVERYTHING, the yarn, the pattern, the tools, and I'm cranking out some CUTE ASS FLOWERS!!! She even included the pinbacks for the completed deals!

My package is FINALLY going out in the mail today to my pal, I'm following the lead of my SP and including pattern, yarn & goodies. It's just so much fun to sit down with all the stuff you need!

Sockie goes to New Mexico

OK, I know everyone wants details of the beach, but my tired old mind is working backwards, so latest vacation (the boring one, sorry!) first. We're going backwards. I'll have more juicy details tomorrow.

Friday morning the kids & I flew out for NM to drop the kids with their dad for the weekend. I had SUCH big plans....remember? Fiesta Yarn Outlet Store? Hand-dyed cashmere and fancy yarns....I was going to be the best secret pal EVER....but I had a retarded taxi driver. Got to the hotel in ok time, ran to my room, got a taxi (thinking I'd not need a car, stupid girl) and the guy could NOT find the street on his map book. no, that's not exactly right, he found four streets it could have been, at all different edges of the city. We couldn't get through to a person at Fiesta, so I settled for going to Village Wools, which was a very cool shop run by this WONDERFUL German lady. They told me how to get to Fiesta, but it was too late to make it before they closed. :( Ah well, saved me some serious dough. I got a cool book Exquisite Little Knits and the COOLEST NEW KNITTING MURDER MYSTERY SERIES book one Knit One, Kill Two, which I read straight through on the trip. I think I liked this book better than the other knitting/stitching series out there.

I got dropped off at the Sheraton in Old Town. oooohhh. I do love the ritzy hotels. Normally I'm more of a comfort inn kind of a girl, but the closest thing they had was the econolodge at only $30 less a night, so I thought what the heck and splurged. Mostly I ate ate ate and shopped and sat by the pool and knit in interesting places and drank a few margaritas and went out one night with some old girlfriends to the big country bar and two stepped and swing danced my little toes off (ok big toes) and Jose Cuervo was a friend of mine.....until the morning (or more like afternoon) after. I must be in serious lust with this new man of mine, as I was TOTALLY a good girl, just dancin and flirtin, no humpin or bumpin...

See little sockie on her magical journey of Old Town Albuquerque: Look closely to see the little bitty sock (just covering the toes) where she grew a couple of inches, near a pretty fountain in the sun, then at lunch with a Navaho Taco and margarita, heavenly food!, then finally on the way home, sockie is hanging out with metal sw bunny. My, how she has grown... I have my last class tomorrow night, and I did NO knitting on the FL trip, so I had some serious work to do this last weekend.

OK, nice boring little post, right? Are we done yawning? Wanna hear the worst part of the trip? I must admit to a slight MAJOR addiction to good guacamole. Combine that green goo at each meal with plenty of dark blue corn chips, and, well, there just isn't a delicate way to put this...I have been dropping FREAKISHLY BRIGHT GLOWING turquoise blue/green turds ever since. It actually freaked the heck out of me the first time...you know. As I shut the lid, I noticed a BRIGHT glowing blue/green color and thought I was dying of some strange imported New Mexican disease. I swear to God that it's the color of all the bright turquoise jewelry that I saw everywhere and could not afford. I really thought I was going to have to get my stomach pumped or something, until I reasoned out what I'd been eating non-stop for 3 days.

Turquose turds and sleeping in until noon for two days, it was great. More on the beach and my old Italian man and all the rest tomorrow I promise. For now, here's us...

Florida was AMAZING!!!!

I'm back, barely, doing laundry and packing for our next trip (tomorrow am) AND I've got to go see my honey tonight (he's making me dinner) also.... so no post today....I've got PICS and GOODIES and STORIES galore!

I also got my secret pal package in the mail and she is TOO FREAKING COOL...more details later, I promise!

My trip in a nutshell: beach every day, body board surfing, did you know sand dollars are hairy, dolphins, freaky Italian man that wouldn't leave us alone "verra verra bootiful woman...", STRING BIKINI baby, sand castles, sea shells, islands, gambling in interational waters (bucket of bolts on water in a storm with almost no view of land on the horizon), and I WANNA GO BACK!!!!!

That's it, I'm out of here people, I've got undies and swimsuits to wash & fold & repack!

I'm a figure 8 cast-on PRO baby

I'm not telling how many times I've cast on for this first stinking sock. It is more than 8. seriously. BUT NOW I HAVE THE START OF A CUTE LITTLE SOCK. ok a big sock as I have big ol' feet. :) I had to do a few extra increases to get over my toes. Thanks to Terri for getting me straightened out last night at the Yarn Shop! That baby's going on the plane with me.

2 freaking days, can you believe it??? We all need to think good thoughts that that damn storm gets its rain out of the way before we get there on Sunday. We also need to think smart thoughts for Christine as I need to drag my chitlins around Atlanta's airport to change planes with not a whole heck of a lot of time to do it in. I haven't been to Atlanta's airport, but I haven't heard very many good things about it. It'll be an adventure!

I realized last night I'm going to be missing my honey too. It's kind of odd, missing someone, but also comforting to have a sweet guy to miss. I know, it's sappy, but true. awwwwwww. He also wants socks. I said, buddy, I'm not even sure if I'm going to have socks here. I give him credit, he thought I was insane going to a girls night out to learn how to knit socks when you can "buy them at Target for $2.99" but when he saw my little start was interested in seeing how the colors pattern and the little stitches. No boyfriend sweater curse here as I barely even survive knitting MYSELF a sweater. He's fixing me a romantic lunch today as we have both been too busy to get together since Monday night and won't see each other till Thursday. Sweet guy. I think he's a keeper. for now at least. we'll see....

Who believes in bad signs????

Bad sign #1....when the part-time (aka ONLY OTHER EMPLOYEE) girl shows up to work in the same black pantsuit she interviewed in. The last two weeks she's worn flip-flops, tshirts and casual casual attire..... anyone else thinking HHHHHMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm interview maybe? If so, I just hope she waits to tell them until I'm on the BEACH.

holy poop on a stick (to steal from Stephanie), you just THOUGHT it was getting interesting around here. On that topic, Miss L. called Tuesday night and LOVES her new job. She's got a nice office near the front door and she can see ACTUAL SUNLIGHT through the front window. She said everyone is very nice and she just LOVES it. I was so excited for her. The funniest part was that she said she's looking out for me. I said "sure" but I really don't want to go full time corporate if I don't have to. She said, "But Christine, the lady in accounting is really old..." Let's not go there.

Bad sign #2...Arlene headed for Gulf Coast. How much will this piss me off? Arlene, the bitch, is headed for Florida's Gulf Coast Friday. Christine, the Knitting Virgin, and also a bitch, is headed for Florida's Gulf Coast Sunday. Who will win? I WILL be on a beach, dammit. Hurricane season my ass.

What else? No more sock knitting as the perfectionist-knitress in me cannot stand to have funky toe seams. I'm going to try to sneak over to the Yarn Shop in OP and see if I can't get Terri to see what the FUXX I'm doing wrong. I worked on my Clapotis last night and it's now through the first two sections. I'm to the "repeat rows 1-12 xxx number of times until xxx stitches on the needle" part. It wasn't making sense, but it was also almost midnight and I was sleepy so I'll bring that along tonight to ask about it as well. Does anyone else feel like a total dorky little kid wandering into a LYS with your little bag of stuff all screwed up held out in your hands saying "please, won't somebody help me?" I do it with big sad eyes and a pouty lip for the full helpless effect. I always feel retarded, although I'm not sure of the politically correct term here...pattern deficient? knitting challenged? mentally unstable? whatever, I feel it.

Everyone think happy thoughts that hurricane Arlene gets out of my damn way and doesn't cause any damage. Oh yeah, I guess I should be praying that all the people that LIVE in the path are safe and avoid the storm instead of just wanting me and my little family to have some fun in the sun and sand. oops. Well, we all know I'm a bit self-centered. I'm concerned for them, just also for me. WATCH OUT ARLENE...

UPDATE--> ok, so my little pout is mostly over. Apparently the projected path of the "unorganized tropical storm" is for the very top west part of FL and AL and LA, nowhere near Naples. I'm getting over it. really.

I almost forgot....my storypeople quote of the day...

Is willing to accept that she creates her own reality except for some of the parts where she can't help but wonder what the hell she was thinking
--www.storypeople.com

How could I forget my storypeople.com?

OK, I realized my little blog is almost one whole year old. Woo hoo. Yes, I'm a dork as that excites me. ANYWAY, I found an old entry with the storypeople little notes in it and I have TOTALLY forgotten about how much fun these are! Check them out if you're looking for random thoughts!

Storypeople thoughts for the day:

Angels of Mercy:
Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life.

Bad Witches:
This is a poison soup to kill all the bad witches, she said. How can you tell the difference? I asked. O, good witches are very polite & say no thank you. Bad witches just die.

My all-time favorite: All Hell
someone asked them to be quiet, so it's just a matter of time before all hell breaks loose

Do a little dance....buy a little yarn.....get down tonight...uh uh uh AND I'm A SOCK KNITTER NOW, sorta

OH yeah, I got it....I got my money....I got my money! Let's all do the happy dance!!!! I'm actually singing like a little kid in that na na na na NA na tune and our part-time college girl thinks I'm on crack. SO, ANYWAY,, we find out that YES southwest air got paid twice and they only issued one set of tickets, so the bank will need to get its money (no, make that MY money) back from SWAir. The process starts with signing a form of dispute at the bank, the research goes on, etc. The airlines will not work with people on this, only with the bank. The bank would most likely be reimbursed IMMEDIATELY but bank policy (you must oooooh and aaaaaah appropriately whenever you hear "bank policy" I know, I worked in banking for about 10 years) states that the bank will return the money to my account within 10 business days (aka 3 weeks) EVEN if they get reimbursed within the same day. Now, I was told, don't worry, SOMETIMES they even get it in there within a week. Sometimes. She said this with a big excited smile. wooo Aren't I the lucky one?

I must admit, I have no shame whatsoever. I used to have a touch of class, but it died long long ago. Let's face it, life's much better this way. SO, little mommacita here is ready to take her kids on the FIRST real vacation EVER for our little family (even when married we went on bowling tournament trips, swear to God--someday I'll tell you about my honeymoon in OK City and Tulsa, just makes you tingle thinkin' on it, doesn't it?---NEVER marry a regional professional bowler. NEVER.) The bank tells me I can MAYBE have my money a week after we return from the trip. NOTWITSTANDING the fact that I have a date with a YARN OUTLET that sells factory seconds of some of the most luscious and exciting yarns on the planet. SO remember that as you read this and don't hate me because I'm resourceful....I played the sick little boy/single momma card and I played it good enough to be on Celebrity Poker baby. I didn't even have to cry. I explained that I'd worked in the bowels of "bookkeeping" as well as almost every other part of banks and I understood their hands were tied, but...poor little sick boy and his sister and single momma going on our first vacation after momma worked so hard for so long (no comments please) to save for this trip and now we'll go and have no money for the trip......BAM I had two ladies with watery eyes, pulled out the pic of my kids, BAM, they called their bossman over, and BAM BAM BAM I walked out at 2:30pm with my $$ in my account on yesterday's business that actually ended at 2:00. BAM I may have no shame, but I have my money.

One more dance for the road......I got my money....I got my money....uh uh uh uh

Ok, that's just creepy now.

LOOK WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT (now don't go getting all excited out there, I am still NOT a fan of the double pointed needles) Click the little pic to see my accomplishment in all its glory...

Don't get too excited, this was the FOURTH attempt. It's still screwed up and I'm not exactly sure why. I took the toe-up sock class from Terri at the Yarn Shop & More in OP. I have to say that figure 8 caston thing is the COOLEST thing I've ever done. Absolutely. cool. She also taught all these amazing tricks of recognizing and FIXING twisted stitches and other stuff. I am screwing up the left lifted increases on this sock. I have the toe "done", it has the right # of stitches on each of the needles and I'm to the just knit for 7" or so part, but I don't have the cool increase/decrease seam running up each side. I have this strange-looking thing wandering up the sides. just craptastic! (I'm stealing that from a blogger, but can't remember who, see, no shame!) If I do the little left lifted thing from the 3rd stitch down each time, I end up pulling the SAME freaking stitch every round. I don't know how to explain it other than when I get it done, it has the increase/decrease seam as well as this REALLY long pulled stitch just sticking out there the whole distance. So, I ripped that out and started over, and the same damn thing started AGAIN, so I started doing the lifted increase from the 2nd stitch from the needle and it kinda worked, but looked crappy. I'm sure it will be frogged yet again, I'm going to try to run out Thurs. night and see if she can show me the error of my ways. I am getting a lot of damn practice on those dpns though.

If I can finish this thing out, I could be persuaded to do some more sock knitting...there are some SERIOUSLY cute yarns out there just BEGGING to be made into sockies for me and my kiddo's. I enjoyed the ladies (and our collective cursing under our breath) from the class. I am going to have to do more of this stuff!

I MAY be shopping at the Fiesta Yarns Outlet Store!!!

NOT ONLY am I going to the BEACH in Florida in 5 days, but a few days after returning home from that trip, I'm flying with the kids to Albuquerque NM so Joey and Beth can see their Dad and all the family, Beth will stay for her 4 weeks of summer visit and Joey will return home with me after the weekend. BUT momma's staying near Old Town, Alb. and EATING and laying by the pool and SHOPPING, or I would be if the damn bank had not paid SW Airlines TWICE for our 3 tickets. Yes, twice. Of course everyone realizes it is a mistake, but no one knows who needs to start the dispute process to get little momma her $$$$ back. I have PLACES to go dammit and YARN TO BUY dammit dammit dammit! or is it damnit damnit damnit? Man, where's a good dictionary when you need one???

IF I get my freaking $$ refunded, here's where I'm going for an ENTIRE DAY I swear to all that is holy....Fiesta Yarns Outlet Store in Rio Rancho, NM. I may just DIE if I don't have any $$ to spend there.... Oh crap, I just realized they're only open M-F 10:00-4:30 and my flight doesn't get in until after noon. I think I'll have the ex-inlaws drop me at the store and make my way to the hotel afterwards. Yup,that's the plan! Man, I'm glad I saw that or I would've been REALLY pissed showing up Sat. am and looking through locked doors.

There's also a plethora of LYS's in Albuquerque I need to hit Saturday. I'm only going to be there from Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon, so it will be a MAJOR freaking shopping express. If I have no $$ then I'll be a sad sad woman knitting from my stash *sob* by the pool. reading. relaxing. taking in the whole SW experience but with no new yarn. so very sad. good food, though.

I've decided I'm bringing clapotis on the plane, but need to get my wooden circs for the trip to be all official.

Everyone's concerned, but no one's getting the bucks back in my bank account. I'm not stressed, nope, not me. I believe in the system......yeah freaking right. I'm TRYING to be patient. I was patient all day yesterday when I found the error. I was patient all night long while waiting for the business day to end and the errors to be corrected. I'm NOT VERY DAMN PATIENT any longer. NOW I'm waiting a bit pissily until noon. At one o'clock, somebody'd better be getting working on this. Heads will roll. Damn travel agents and bank customer service reps and major airlines that don't care anymore. damn damn damn

On the plus side, I'm having a very good hair day, amazing with our 90% humidity. Good hair doesn't buy the yarn, though.

This is just wrong wrong wrong

This is courtesy of my new VERY favorite spot to find free patterns and cool stuff all over the web......Purl Drops! You MUST check this out...

Martha's Poncho for your DOG

wrong wrong wrong but how cute would I be wearing Martha's poncho walking my little Miles wearing a matching poncho? NO NO NO NO NO. Don't worry. not going to happen.

Funniest post of the day..

OK, I almost wet myself on this one.....the pine trees, oh holy hell. go read. enjoy. smile. I don't feel so bad now.

Purlsb4swine's scrapbook adventure

OK, so I'm all excited about the trip to Florida to see my baby bro (Countdown = 6 days!) and I go check out things to do in their little town....I saw a cool wilderness tour and go read....If you wish to experience the thrill of meeting panthers, Florida cracker cattle, birds, and dozens of wild alligators face to face, then this tour is a must. All that is in a "specially built swamp buggy". OK, anyone else out there think this is a VERY BAD idea for me and the chitlins? I'm thinking strange enough stuff happens to us on our way through Target. I'm not heading out to become Panther and Gator Bait. PLUS you get to pay $17.50 apiece to be Gator Bait AND it doesn't include lunch. nope. not me.

Next on the list is bird watching, hiking and camping. I'm sure there's an abundant amount of birds in the swamplands but I think I'd rather buy a postcard and there's NO dawn hikes in this chic's itinerary.

The carribean gardens zoo actually looks better than our good ol' KC Zoo. That could be a good afternoon activity. PLUS you get to cruise past islands of lemurs, monkeys and apes. In a BOAT, not a "swamp buggy" how cool is that?

Shelling on Marco Island looks cool, but apparently if you walk out on a sandbar and don't time things right, you get stuck out there at high tide. I'm going to have to make sure to figure out when the hell to get my little family back on the damn beach. Can't you just see the rescue mission now? cripes.

OK, I am not sure if I am doing this thing or not, but I've at least got to buy the shirt...Jungle Erv's Airboat World, tours of the Everglades.... That just sounds cool.

SIX FREAKING DAYS until I'm on a beach. We're wearing our swimsuits onto the plane under our clothes and we're going DIRECTLY to the beach from the airport. I plan to have a margarita in my hand, sand in my suit and all will be good.

I think I skated by...

I just got smart and deleted my last post rambling on about how I apparently ruffled some feathers of the powers-that-be last Friday. Let's just say I'm still employed and am keeping my big fat mouth SHUT in the future. :)

I'm apparently an idiot. My clapotis is not progressing too quickly. OK, it's actually been restarted 4 times. One two three FOUR times and now it's maybe 3 inches long. WHY is it so hard for me to do a purl front & back? I don't know. I'm an idiot. I'm going to have to stop by a LYS and have some nice soul sitting knitting show me what the FUXX I'm doing wrong as I'm getting a bit pissy. I'm SO JEALOUS of Colleen as she made the dang thing for less than what I paid for ONE of my THREE skeins. See what happens when I get a bug up my butt and HAVE to make something IMMEDIATELY???? I need to learn patience....yeah right. I can dream anyway. I got frustrated and went back to knitting on the world's most boring colored bag instead. cripes.

I wanna make the xback tank too. I think that'd be a good vacation knit. I'm going to run by the LYS and see what kind of ribbon yarn I can find to make it too!

My honey's still sweet as can be. I can't believe I'm not freaking out and/or getting totally bored with this guy. My dad was so funny. Dad & I were driving the kids out for Beth's big soap box derby car inspection and practice day yesterday afternoon. Dad was talking about how he and mom really like Jeff and they think he's a very nice man. I said, Dad, don't worry, we're NOT going to rush into anything. (I have a history of an ex-husband PLUS a divorce from a mini-marriage of 6 months) I like him, he likes me, but we both like our lives and are not going to get into anything major for a LONG time. Dad said, "we just don't want any more D's, so if you decide to do something, just try it out for a while first." Daddy telling me to shack up in sin? LOVING that. You'd have to know my dad to see the humor in that. He's such a sweet and very Catholic man. He actually gave me "the talk" the night before my wedding that there's a lot of pressure on that first wedding night "If you kids are tired, you don't have to do anything. Your first time together as man and wife should be because you are ready to share yourselves, not because you think you have to do something...." Yes, my daddy thought I wore a white wedding gown for a reason. Sweet, isn't it? (Yes, I was actually a tramp. we all know that. my daddy doesn't. Let's leave it that way.)

me too, I want one too!

OK, so now that the ENTIRE blogging world has already created tons of these things, I've decided I must make a Clapotis. I must go shopping for yarn. I think I may mosey over today to Knitwits in Olate today on my lunch break.

Do you know how hard it is to be a hottie when you're a mom? Not just the belly pudge, the extra weight on the hips and thighs, the lack of sleep, the permanent bags under the eyes, the worry that turns your hair white, no none of that. When it's pouring rain and you leave your umbrella in the house at home, you are forced to use a tiny purple thing that has big elephant ears flopping off the sides and a trunk that's partially ripped off so it's hanging down off the edge (looking more like a different part of the elephant's anatomy actually). This umbrella does not actually protect you from the rain as it's so freaking small and weirdly shaped. The various bodyparts hanging off the sides actually drip rain down in little streams onto your back or sides or whatever was dry previously.

I'm going shopping for yarn dammit.

minty fresh

So, I'm all domestic last night. Doing laundry, cooking dinner (YES, cooking), kids are playing, everyone's happy. I sit down and knit on the most BORING bag in the world. What was I thinking getting dark brown and black yarn? BORING and hard to see at night. cripes. Anyway, watched my boys in blue SWEEP the Yankees. woo hoo Royals! The dream is alive! Apparently I was not paying enough attention and didn't check the pockets of my jean capri's and SOMEHOW one of those BRAND NEW pocket packs of listerine monster mint tabs that melt on your tongue went through the wash. Yup, my entire load of laundry is MINTY fresh and smelling STRONG....cripes. Of course, I didn't rewash them, nope. I'm not that domestic. So, this morning my breath smells like spicy breakfast burrito and my clothes smell like mint. God, I'm a dork.

I'm meeting Jeff's sister tonight. She's the protective little sister who is looking out for his best interests AND she's pregnant. Great. I've casually met his folks twice now and she thinks he's avoiding her as we haven't run into her yet. He said, "let's just stop by and have a few beers and she can meet you." She's a beer drinking woman that's PREGNANT and can't drink. So, she thinks we're avoiding her, she's pregnant and hormonal, AND we're going to drink beer in front of her that she can't have. Yup, it should be a nice evening. I told him we're at least bringing a fruit smoothie or shake or something for her. wish me luck.

Bigwigs didn't make it into the office yesterday, so things were pretty quiet. Miss L's last day. I'm really happy for her as she's found a great job at a stable company with a LOT more $$. Our new part-time college girl is having MAJOR stress as they hired her for a part-time answer the phone, file and do a few things job and now pretty much said, learn everything this full-time employee did in a week PLUS the job you were hired for. She was a bit stressed yesterday so we had a talk and I told her just do what she can and anything else she gives to me or just DOESN'T DO. period. Sure hope she stays.... I'm telling you, if she goes, I'm working from HOME.

Got my toes "did" yesterday and I'm feeling good. Thank GOD for pedicures. They are one of my favorite things in life. Got my sessy toes workin, looking good! Bella's in Olathe is the BEST! They have the GOOD chairs that vibrate AND do the rolling up & down your back thing and recline, people that KNOW what they're doing, they CLEAN everything, massage your legs & tootsies like a motherbugger, and do the BEST little flower decorations, every time is different, like little works of art on my big toes. Thank you Miss Teresa for sending me to them! Plus, my new honey likes my sessy toes and soft feet, I get good footrubs out of the deal...always a good thing.

Countdown to Florida: 9 days

They're baaaaaaaaack.....

You know, I ALWAYS look forward to the visits of our owners from Florida. always. Actually I stress for no reason what-so-ever, each time thinking I'm soon to be removed from my job and all crazy and then they get here, they do their thing, smile nicely at me and leave. Still, I stress. There is a history of them coming to town and people being out of jobs. A major history of that. I need to remember I'm ALL THAT'S FREAKING LEFT... Get over it Christine. What's the worst that could happen anyway???? More time off? a little unemployment? I could go back to school full time. Plus, I'm IT. I could probably dance nekkid on the tables and not get into too much trouble. Don't worry, no nekkid dancing down here. I'm behaving myself plus that's a little too much cellulite to be bouncin around in public. It's just a bit stressful anyway. I do like these people, they just stress me out.

No knitting news here. I am officially accepted into my little art fair and am all happy and SO behind on knitting stuff for it. Thanks Miss SanAntonio, the fuzzy wuzzy hairy bag was kind of a creation I was experimenting with. I think I like it too!

Welcome back to blogland, Miss Amanda and Miss Liz! We missed you ladies!

I think we need some motivational quotes today! Here's what came up on my little flippy calendar the last few days plus a couple of my old favorites. I apologize if I've posted them before. I'm a quote-ho, can't help it.

Late birds get worms while early birds get tired.
--Judith Viorst

You can be better dressed when you own a lot of stuff.
--Helen Gurley Brown

I feel sure that no girl would go to the altar if she knew all.
--Queen Victoria

I always want more. That's me. I'm a bitch.
--Madonna

Hair has always been important.
--Diana Ross

For her fifth wedding, the bride wore black and carried a scotch and soda.
--Journalist Phyllis Battelle, describing millionairess Barbara Hutton's marriage

I have GOT to find some fast knits...

I'm suffering from some SERIOUS "got-to-finish-something-itis" lately. I got about 3 rows past the BIG OL bottom of the knit project bag I started over the weekend. I was so antsy I was rummaging through my stash, checking out patterns, basically in a tither for no reason. aarrrggghhh. Finally sat my butt down and knit a few more rows, watched Dave Chappell's one-hour comedy special on Comedy Central (hysterical) and was all better. But I'm still wanting something to work on in addition to the never-ending boring brown/black stitches for the bag. maybe I'll do some more of the crocheted flower scarf/belt things. yeah, that's the ticket. some fast crochet projects will keep my crafter's soul pacified while stitching away forever on the bag. I'm wanting to find some more schaefer's esperanza for some more felted groove bags, those are so much fun to make as the color patterns do cool things right before your eyes. Maybe I'll go looking online.... That would be a fun project for the vacation in 2 weeks.

What? Vacation? YES, for the FIRST TIME EVER I am taking my little chitlins on a REAL vacation. Not to the lake. Not to Great-Grandma's house. Not to a family reunion. Nope. We're going to the BEACH BABY! My baby bro, remember, the cute one? He and his fiance are living a few blocks from the beach in Naples, Florida.....WOO HOO! We're going to slather on sunscreen, take my butt-white baby redheads to the beach each am and pm and in the afternoon prime-time cooking hours go to the zoo or a movie or something INDOORS. Can't freaking wait. 4 days in paradise. We are NOT going to anything resembling Disney as both children would not survive the trip. Their momma is entirely too pissy for that much excitement and only one adult vs 2 kids. Not gonna happen. We'll wait for a big family trip with granparents, uncles, etc.

A frightening thought...Senior Bush plugs Jeb for president 'someday' Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a bush-hater. Nope, but I am a BIT disappointed with the bully our country has become in this administration. I realize pappa bush didn't do too much damage, he's a nice old guy, but GEEZ LOUISE hasn't your family done enough for our country?????.... Now, I also realize with a name like "Jeb" how can you NOT be President? We've had the "G.W." nice little redneck initials, and Jeb would just be a continuation of the status quo.... scared you just thinking of it, now didn't it??????

What else was I thinkin' on today??? OH yeah, here's a NEAT site and for you knitters more talented than I am on the little dpns, REDSWEATER.ORG. This site has been written about in a couple of knitting magazines. She's not trying to change the world, but wants people to think about the ways the war is affecting our people., She is creating a work of art with a knitted or crocheted little red sweater representing each US soldier killed in Iraq. There are knitters across the nation submitting sweaters for the cause. It's kind of a cool site.

I'm slowly working on updating the old blog...but I'm too lazy today. Here's a few pics I submitted for the art sale I'm doing in the fall. (smaller versions here)

I also made me a new button, I'll post it over on the sidebar someday...


And just because this pic cracked me up...Elvis came to the CF walk and was singing and strumming his guitar as he rode around on one of the golf carts inspiring all the walkers....