Feeling much better today, thanks!

You guys are so wonderful. Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts and prayers. I am feeling much more normal today, or as normal as I ever feel I guess. I think everyone needs a big cry day every so often. It's been a long time since I've just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry myself silly. It's healing. It really is.

I felt much better about the world after sucking down TWO 32 ounce diet cokes and half a burrito bowl from Chipotle yesterday. I somehow made it through my haze and got my work done and went to pick up the kids from school. Seeing Joey and Elizabeth come bouncing out of the school just like any other day made things suddenly make sense. He's still the same kid he was the day before I knew he had this damn infection, no different. no sicker. Just the same. It's just more stuff to do, no big deal.

This pseudomonas infection came to represent a line in the sand for me. I always knew in my mind that Joey had CF, but until he got the first infection of this crap, I didn't really know it in my heart. It's just the first tiny step on that long road of sucky things to come. Just a baby step. It doesn't mean we're going running down that path, I have been a pretty damn stubborn person once or twice in my life and I'm raising some pretty damn stubborn chilren as well. We will do what we have to and get on with life. Life's too short to be pissy or worried or to knit with crappy yarn. period. Get on with it. LIVE DAMMIT. See? I'm back, baby.

Jeff was a doll. He was busy out working all over the city and not around all day and then had bb practice with his older boy in the evening. By the time we got all the kids to bed, he took me, put me in my pj's, brought a box of tissues and cuddled me and let me cry and cry and cry. Then we watched the 30 year reunion of Mash and I cried some more. I think I lost 3 pounds yesterday just from fluid loss.

When Joey was at his cf checkup, he made a friend with a girl his same age that had just been through all this stuff. I talked with her parents last night and it really helped me see through a lot of the confusion also. I really did feel comforted reading all your nice comments and emails. Thanks guys. I really needed it.

The biggest sign that I was totally freaked out beyond all recognition (FOBAR is not nearly as much fun as FUBAR you know) was that I didn't even want chocolate. How scary is that? 2nd sign? The only knitting I had handy was a swatch square and I knit an ENTIRE 4 inches of swatch for yarn I want to use for the roses top. I didn't even MEASURE it yet to see if it works. Damn, that's freaky enough for me. I'm gonna go measure it now. Normally I try to swatch big, I really do, but am doing good to do an inch and a half or two inches before I just get too impatient.

Just say NO to subscribing to podcasts while thoroughly depressed. I'm not even sure how many bluegrass casts are now on my ipod. I can't even believer there ARE that many bluegrass podcasters out there. It boggles the mind.

I love you guys, I really do. Thank you for your help and prayers. It's helped more than I can say.