Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Madam Inappropriate Strikes Again!

SO, just when you thought it was safe to bring a nun to the knitting guild meeting........

Ok, so I arrive LATE to the morning knitting guild meeting, just sit and start knitting away, mostly minding my own business. Two sweet little ladies are sitting to my left, two dear knitting friends are sitting to my right. All is right with the world. Joanna tells a story of an old boss who would get creative and avoid cursing at all costs. I told a story of a preacher's wife, who when on the phone talking to me, called her soon-to-be-son-in-law a "Richard Cranium." It took me a bout 5 minutes later in the conversation to get it, Richard Cranium! HAH! We all chuckled and the very sweet lady to the left of me put her hand on my arm and asked "what, dear? I didn't hear you." I said loudly, "she said RICHARD CRANIUM" and smiled. She thought a moment and said, "I'm afraid I don't get it either. Would you explain it?" At this moment I was puzzled by the looks of shock by both Joanna and Teri and the mortified look on the other lady sitting at the table. Joanna was making odd movements under the table (later I found out she was trying to kick me but I was sitting too far away). I said, "Richard is sometimes known as Dick and Cranium means head." She said, "I'm sorry, I still couldn't hear you." Joanna's just shaking her head now like people do when they see a horrible wreck on the side of the road. I say VERY loudly, "it means DICK HEAD." Now at this point, BOTH tables of ladies turn to stare at me. The lady to my left laughs and seems to get a kick out of it.

Teri said, "Christine, you missed the introductions, so you apparently didn't know that she's a nun." Joanna said, "Christine, why did you think everyone was calling her SISTER?" Nice. I missed that part coming in late. The fact that the lady sitting next to her called her sister at least 8 times since I'd sat down apparently didn't sink in. Although, at the point where I had to explain it that last time I thought to myself, "huh, they don't LOOK like sisters, ummmmmmm"...and proceeded to yell obsceneities in the poor woman's ear. I apologized and she just laughed.

Then it dawns on me, Oh sweet mother, I just yelled DICK HEAD in a nun's ear. I think I actually heard God's eyes rolling. Yeah, that's a good start to a day. Thank God nuns seem to like me. So far, all the nuns except one have had great senses of humor and forgiving natures. That one exception? It was a long time ago and a certain red-headed little girl had decided to buck the system with a titch of attitude back in the doily-on-the-head days. It wasn't pretty.

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