Friday, February 08, 2008

Dodging the barf

First of all, the knitting news. I have been cranking along on my laced-front ribbed sweater. It's very pretty. I just noticed as I laid it out that I've very smartly made mirrored increases and decreases and all the like, but TOTALLY FUXXED UP the bind off shoulder edge on one of the fronts. damn. Ah well, I've already frogged this damn thing back 3 times to screw with the non-mirrored-looking neckline so what's one more time? At least it's just about 6 rows on not much stitches. I've got to make up the sleeves, put it all together and hold my breath to see if it actually fits. NOW I'm seeing why I'm such a fan of in-the-round knitting. You can try it on as you go. Ah well, if it's too small it'll go to my daughter.

You know those cutesy little games at baby showers where they ask you to give a piece of advice to the new mom-to-be? I used to say something stupid like take a nap when your baby naps. Yeah, from now on, I'm giving her a barf bucket with the following instructions...Keep this barf bucket within easy reach next to your bed at all times. Do not get comfortable thinking your children are in 2nd grade (or 5th grade) and can make it to the bathroom and take care of themselves. ALWAYS have a barf bucket ready to grab and run and thrust in front of a child's face in a matter of seconds. A small plastic trash can works best. BUT not to be used as a trash can, that slows down the whole getting-it-into position. Put TWO plastic grocery bags inside. Trust me, use both. You don't wanna be cleaning up anything that may soak through one bag. Then put in a couple of paper towels. DO THIS. I used to do this. I even kept a barf bucket handy until about a year ago but then got lazy. Let me tell you, the things that come out of children over the age of 8 stain a lot worse than things that come out of little babies.

SO, back to the barf dodging. Earlier in the week, Jeff's ex was leaving their oldest boy home from school with a "low fever" of around 102-103. I'd hate to see what a high fever is. I said, OK, bring him over. I quarantined him in an area with the tv remote and seven-up. He got picked up later that day and apparently barfed the night away. I cloroxed the crap out of the house and hoped for the best. Then had to go visit the new job's office and got the OTHER stepson dropped off also with "just a low fever" but he began barfing upon entering the house. Nice. I LITERALLY had to jump out of the way of flying nastiness in order to make it to the new job without wearing puke. Nothing like a nice, calm entry back into the business world, huh? Well, guess what? The little barfing bug is working its way through the family. Joey's school called and he's got the barfs too. Damn. At least my kids and I've gotten the flu shot each year, so when Jeff's boys bring it over (just like twice last year and once already this year) it hits my kids with usually just one night of ickiness instead of the 2-3 days of crap his boys get. I keep trying to point out to his ex that if they got the flu shots, they may not be getting this crap in the first place, let alone bringing it into my house. She just said, "OK, Thanks, Christine, got to get to work now, bye" when her youngest starting heaving the other morning THIRTY SECONDS after they opened the door. After coordinating with Jeff on caring for these sickies I pointed out that since I'm no longer going to be working from home, this kind of stuff needs to find another way of working itself out. Man, if you hear the words "my stomach..." don't wait for the rest of the "hurts", it'll be too late and you'll be out buying carpet cleaner. Trust me.

ICK! I'm off to re-wash my hands and frog the top of the right front piece of my sweater. And prepare more barf buckets.

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