Sockie goes to New Mexico

OK, I know everyone wants details of the beach, but my tired old mind is working backwards, so latest vacation (the boring one, sorry!) first. We're going backwards. I'll have more juicy details tomorrow.

Friday morning the kids & I flew out for NM to drop the kids with their dad for the weekend. I had SUCH big plans....remember? Fiesta Yarn Outlet Store? Hand-dyed cashmere and fancy yarns....I was going to be the best secret pal EVER....but I had a retarded taxi driver. Got to the hotel in ok time, ran to my room, got a taxi (thinking I'd not need a car, stupid girl) and the guy could NOT find the street on his map book. no, that's not exactly right, he found four streets it could have been, at all different edges of the city. We couldn't get through to a person at Fiesta, so I settled for going to Village Wools, which was a very cool shop run by this WONDERFUL German lady. They told me how to get to Fiesta, but it was too late to make it before they closed. :( Ah well, saved me some serious dough. I got a cool book Exquisite Little Knits and the COOLEST NEW KNITTING MURDER MYSTERY SERIES book one Knit One, Kill Two, which I read straight through on the trip. I think I liked this book better than the other knitting/stitching series out there.

I got dropped off at the Sheraton in Old Town. oooohhh. I do love the ritzy hotels. Normally I'm more of a comfort inn kind of a girl, but the closest thing they had was the econolodge at only $30 less a night, so I thought what the heck and splurged. Mostly I ate ate ate and shopped and sat by the pool and knit in interesting places and drank a few margaritas and went out one night with some old girlfriends to the big country bar and two stepped and swing danced my little toes off (ok big toes) and Jose Cuervo was a friend of mine.....until the morning (or more like afternoon) after. I must be in serious lust with this new man of mine, as I was TOTALLY a good girl, just dancin and flirtin, no humpin or bumpin...

See little sockie on her magical journey of Old Town Albuquerque: Look closely to see the little bitty sock (just covering the toes) where she grew a couple of inches, near a pretty fountain in the sun, then at lunch with a Navaho Taco and margarita, heavenly food!, then finally on the way home, sockie is hanging out with metal sw bunny. My, how she has grown... I have my last class tomorrow night, and I did NO knitting on the FL trip, so I had some serious work to do this last weekend.

OK, nice boring little post, right? Are we done yawning? Wanna hear the worst part of the trip? I must admit to a slight MAJOR addiction to good guacamole. Combine that green goo at each meal with plenty of dark blue corn chips, and, well, there just isn't a delicate way to put this...I have been dropping FREAKISHLY BRIGHT GLOWING turquoise blue/green turds ever since. It actually freaked the heck out of me the first time...you know. As I shut the lid, I noticed a BRIGHT glowing blue/green color and thought I was dying of some strange imported New Mexican disease. I swear to God that it's the color of all the bright turquoise jewelry that I saw everywhere and could not afford. I really thought I was going to have to get my stomach pumped or something, until I reasoned out what I'd been eating non-stop for 3 days.

Turquose turds and sleeping in until noon for two days, it was great. More on the beach and my old Italian man and all the rest tomorrow I promise. For now, here's us...

Florida was AMAZING!!!!

I'm back, barely, doing laundry and packing for our next trip (tomorrow am) AND I've got to go see my honey tonight (he's making me dinner) also.... so no post today....I've got PICS and GOODIES and STORIES galore!

I also got my secret pal package in the mail and she is TOO FREAKING COOL...more details later, I promise!

My trip in a nutshell: beach every day, body board surfing, did you know sand dollars are hairy, dolphins, freaky Italian man that wouldn't leave us alone "verra verra bootiful woman...", STRING BIKINI baby, sand castles, sea shells, islands, gambling in interational waters (bucket of bolts on water in a storm with almost no view of land on the horizon), and I WANNA GO BACK!!!!!

That's it, I'm out of here people, I've got undies and swimsuits to wash & fold & repack!

I'm a figure 8 cast-on PRO baby

I'm not telling how many times I've cast on for this first stinking sock. It is more than 8. seriously. BUT NOW I HAVE THE START OF A CUTE LITTLE SOCK. ok a big sock as I have big ol' feet. :) I had to do a few extra increases to get over my toes. Thanks to Terri for getting me straightened out last night at the Yarn Shop! That baby's going on the plane with me.

2 freaking days, can you believe it??? We all need to think good thoughts that that damn storm gets its rain out of the way before we get there on Sunday. We also need to think smart thoughts for Christine as I need to drag my chitlins around Atlanta's airport to change planes with not a whole heck of a lot of time to do it in. I haven't been to Atlanta's airport, but I haven't heard very many good things about it. It'll be an adventure!

I realized last night I'm going to be missing my honey too. It's kind of odd, missing someone, but also comforting to have a sweet guy to miss. I know, it's sappy, but true. awwwwwww. He also wants socks. I said, buddy, I'm not even sure if I'm going to have socks here. I give him credit, he thought I was insane going to a girls night out to learn how to knit socks when you can "buy them at Target for $2.99" but when he saw my little start was interested in seeing how the colors pattern and the little stitches. No boyfriend sweater curse here as I barely even survive knitting MYSELF a sweater. He's fixing me a romantic lunch today as we have both been too busy to get together since Monday night and won't see each other till Thursday. Sweet guy. I think he's a keeper. for now at least. we'll see....

Who believes in bad signs????

Bad sign #1....when the part-time (aka ONLY OTHER EMPLOYEE) girl shows up to work in the same black pantsuit she interviewed in. The last two weeks she's worn flip-flops, tshirts and casual casual attire..... anyone else thinking HHHHHMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm interview maybe? If so, I just hope she waits to tell them until I'm on the BEACH.

holy poop on a stick (to steal from Stephanie), you just THOUGHT it was getting interesting around here. On that topic, Miss L. called Tuesday night and LOVES her new job. She's got a nice office near the front door and she can see ACTUAL SUNLIGHT through the front window. She said everyone is very nice and she just LOVES it. I was so excited for her. The funniest part was that she said she's looking out for me. I said "sure" but I really don't want to go full time corporate if I don't have to. She said, "But Christine, the lady in accounting is really old..." Let's not go there.

Bad sign #2...Arlene headed for Gulf Coast. How much will this piss me off? Arlene, the bitch, is headed for Florida's Gulf Coast Friday. Christine, the Knitting Virgin, and also a bitch, is headed for Florida's Gulf Coast Sunday. Who will win? I WILL be on a beach, dammit. Hurricane season my ass.

What else? No more sock knitting as the perfectionist-knitress in me cannot stand to have funky toe seams. I'm going to try to sneak over to the Yarn Shop in OP and see if I can't get Terri to see what the FUXX I'm doing wrong. I worked on my Clapotis last night and it's now through the first two sections. I'm to the "repeat rows 1-12 xxx number of times until xxx stitches on the needle" part. It wasn't making sense, but it was also almost midnight and I was sleepy so I'll bring that along tonight to ask about it as well. Does anyone else feel like a total dorky little kid wandering into a LYS with your little bag of stuff all screwed up held out in your hands saying "please, won't somebody help me?" I do it with big sad eyes and a pouty lip for the full helpless effect. I always feel retarded, although I'm not sure of the politically correct term here...pattern deficient? knitting challenged? mentally unstable? whatever, I feel it.

Everyone think happy thoughts that hurricane Arlene gets out of my damn way and doesn't cause any damage. Oh yeah, I guess I should be praying that all the people that LIVE in the path are safe and avoid the storm instead of just wanting me and my little family to have some fun in the sun and sand. oops. Well, we all know I'm a bit self-centered. I'm concerned for them, just also for me. WATCH OUT ARLENE...

UPDATE--> ok, so my little pout is mostly over. Apparently the projected path of the "unorganized tropical storm" is for the very top west part of FL and AL and LA, nowhere near Naples. I'm getting over it. really.

I almost forgot....my storypeople quote of the day...

Is willing to accept that she creates her own reality except for some of the parts where she can't help but wonder what the hell she was thinking
--www.storypeople.com

How could I forget my storypeople.com?

OK, I realized my little blog is almost one whole year old. Woo hoo. Yes, I'm a dork as that excites me. ANYWAY, I found an old entry with the storypeople little notes in it and I have TOTALLY forgotten about how much fun these are! Check them out if you're looking for random thoughts!

Storypeople thoughts for the day:

Angels of Mercy:
Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life.

Bad Witches:
This is a poison soup to kill all the bad witches, she said. How can you tell the difference? I asked. O, good witches are very polite & say no thank you. Bad witches just die.

My all-time favorite: All Hell
someone asked them to be quiet, so it's just a matter of time before all hell breaks loose

Do a little dance....buy a little yarn.....get down tonight...uh uh uh AND I'm A SOCK KNITTER NOW, sorta

OH yeah, I got it....I got my money....I got my money! Let's all do the happy dance!!!! I'm actually singing like a little kid in that na na na na NA na tune and our part-time college girl thinks I'm on crack. SO, ANYWAY,, we find out that YES southwest air got paid twice and they only issued one set of tickets, so the bank will need to get its money (no, make that MY money) back from SWAir. The process starts with signing a form of dispute at the bank, the research goes on, etc. The airlines will not work with people on this, only with the bank. The bank would most likely be reimbursed IMMEDIATELY but bank policy (you must oooooh and aaaaaah appropriately whenever you hear "bank policy" I know, I worked in banking for about 10 years) states that the bank will return the money to my account within 10 business days (aka 3 weeks) EVEN if they get reimbursed within the same day. Now, I was told, don't worry, SOMETIMES they even get it in there within a week. Sometimes. She said this with a big excited smile. wooo Aren't I the lucky one?

I must admit, I have no shame whatsoever. I used to have a touch of class, but it died long long ago. Let's face it, life's much better this way. SO, little mommacita here is ready to take her kids on the FIRST real vacation EVER for our little family (even when married we went on bowling tournament trips, swear to God--someday I'll tell you about my honeymoon in OK City and Tulsa, just makes you tingle thinkin' on it, doesn't it?---NEVER marry a regional professional bowler. NEVER.) The bank tells me I can MAYBE have my money a week after we return from the trip. NOTWITSTANDING the fact that I have a date with a YARN OUTLET that sells factory seconds of some of the most luscious and exciting yarns on the planet. SO remember that as you read this and don't hate me because I'm resourceful....I played the sick little boy/single momma card and I played it good enough to be on Celebrity Poker baby. I didn't even have to cry. I explained that I'd worked in the bowels of "bookkeeping" as well as almost every other part of banks and I understood their hands were tied, but...poor little sick boy and his sister and single momma going on our first vacation after momma worked so hard for so long (no comments please) to save for this trip and now we'll go and have no money for the trip......BAM I had two ladies with watery eyes, pulled out the pic of my kids, BAM, they called their bossman over, and BAM BAM BAM I walked out at 2:30pm with my $$ in my account on yesterday's business that actually ended at 2:00. BAM I may have no shame, but I have my money.

One more dance for the road......I got my money....I got my money....uh uh uh uh

Ok, that's just creepy now.

LOOK WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT (now don't go getting all excited out there, I am still NOT a fan of the double pointed needles) Click the little pic to see my accomplishment in all its glory...

Don't get too excited, this was the FOURTH attempt. It's still screwed up and I'm not exactly sure why. I took the toe-up sock class from Terri at the Yarn Shop & More in OP. I have to say that figure 8 caston thing is the COOLEST thing I've ever done. Absolutely. cool. She also taught all these amazing tricks of recognizing and FIXING twisted stitches and other stuff. I am screwing up the left lifted increases on this sock. I have the toe "done", it has the right # of stitches on each of the needles and I'm to the just knit for 7" or so part, but I don't have the cool increase/decrease seam running up each side. I have this strange-looking thing wandering up the sides. just craptastic! (I'm stealing that from a blogger, but can't remember who, see, no shame!) If I do the little left lifted thing from the 3rd stitch down each time, I end up pulling the SAME freaking stitch every round. I don't know how to explain it other than when I get it done, it has the increase/decrease seam as well as this REALLY long pulled stitch just sticking out there the whole distance. So, I ripped that out and started over, and the same damn thing started AGAIN, so I started doing the lifted increase from the 2nd stitch from the needle and it kinda worked, but looked crappy. I'm sure it will be frogged yet again, I'm going to try to run out Thurs. night and see if she can show me the error of my ways. I am getting a lot of damn practice on those dpns though.

If I can finish this thing out, I could be persuaded to do some more sock knitting...there are some SERIOUSLY cute yarns out there just BEGGING to be made into sockies for me and my kiddo's. I enjoyed the ladies (and our collective cursing under our breath) from the class. I am going to have to do more of this stuff!

I MAY be shopping at the Fiesta Yarns Outlet Store!!!

NOT ONLY am I going to the BEACH in Florida in 5 days, but a few days after returning home from that trip, I'm flying with the kids to Albuquerque NM so Joey and Beth can see their Dad and all the family, Beth will stay for her 4 weeks of summer visit and Joey will return home with me after the weekend. BUT momma's staying near Old Town, Alb. and EATING and laying by the pool and SHOPPING, or I would be if the damn bank had not paid SW Airlines TWICE for our 3 tickets. Yes, twice. Of course everyone realizes it is a mistake, but no one knows who needs to start the dispute process to get little momma her $$$$ back. I have PLACES to go dammit and YARN TO BUY dammit dammit dammit! or is it damnit damnit damnit? Man, where's a good dictionary when you need one???

IF I get my freaking $$ refunded, here's where I'm going for an ENTIRE DAY I swear to all that is holy....Fiesta Yarns Outlet Store in Rio Rancho, NM. I may just DIE if I don't have any $$ to spend there.... Oh crap, I just realized they're only open M-F 10:00-4:30 and my flight doesn't get in until after noon. I think I'll have the ex-inlaws drop me at the store and make my way to the hotel afterwards. Yup,that's the plan! Man, I'm glad I saw that or I would've been REALLY pissed showing up Sat. am and looking through locked doors.

There's also a plethora of LYS's in Albuquerque I need to hit Saturday. I'm only going to be there from Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon, so it will be a MAJOR freaking shopping express. If I have no $$ then I'll be a sad sad woman knitting from my stash *sob* by the pool. reading. relaxing. taking in the whole SW experience but with no new yarn. so very sad. good food, though.

I've decided I'm bringing clapotis on the plane, but need to get my wooden circs for the trip to be all official.

Everyone's concerned, but no one's getting the bucks back in my bank account. I'm not stressed, nope, not me. I believe in the system......yeah freaking right. I'm TRYING to be patient. I was patient all day yesterday when I found the error. I was patient all night long while waiting for the business day to end and the errors to be corrected. I'm NOT VERY DAMN PATIENT any longer. NOW I'm waiting a bit pissily until noon. At one o'clock, somebody'd better be getting working on this. Heads will roll. Damn travel agents and bank customer service reps and major airlines that don't care anymore. damn damn damn

On the plus side, I'm having a very good hair day, amazing with our 90% humidity. Good hair doesn't buy the yarn, though.

This is just wrong wrong wrong

This is courtesy of my new VERY favorite spot to find free patterns and cool stuff all over the web......Purl Drops! You MUST check this out...

Martha's Poncho for your DOG

wrong wrong wrong but how cute would I be wearing Martha's poncho walking my little Miles wearing a matching poncho? NO NO NO NO NO. Don't worry. not going to happen.

Funniest post of the day..

OK, I almost wet myself on this one.....the pine trees, oh holy hell. go read. enjoy. smile. I don't feel so bad now.

Purlsb4swine's scrapbook adventure

OK, so I'm all excited about the trip to Florida to see my baby bro (Countdown = 6 days!) and I go check out things to do in their little town....I saw a cool wilderness tour and go read....If you wish to experience the thrill of meeting panthers, Florida cracker cattle, birds, and dozens of wild alligators face to face, then this tour is a must. All that is in a "specially built swamp buggy". OK, anyone else out there think this is a VERY BAD idea for me and the chitlins? I'm thinking strange enough stuff happens to us on our way through Target. I'm not heading out to become Panther and Gator Bait. PLUS you get to pay $17.50 apiece to be Gator Bait AND it doesn't include lunch. nope. not me.

Next on the list is bird watching, hiking and camping. I'm sure there's an abundant amount of birds in the swamplands but I think I'd rather buy a postcard and there's NO dawn hikes in this chic's itinerary.

The carribean gardens zoo actually looks better than our good ol' KC Zoo. That could be a good afternoon activity. PLUS you get to cruise past islands of lemurs, monkeys and apes. In a BOAT, not a "swamp buggy" how cool is that?

Shelling on Marco Island looks cool, but apparently if you walk out on a sandbar and don't time things right, you get stuck out there at high tide. I'm going to have to make sure to figure out when the hell to get my little family back on the damn beach. Can't you just see the rescue mission now? cripes.

OK, I am not sure if I am doing this thing or not, but I've at least got to buy the shirt...Jungle Erv's Airboat World, tours of the Everglades.... That just sounds cool.

SIX FREAKING DAYS until I'm on a beach. We're wearing our swimsuits onto the plane under our clothes and we're going DIRECTLY to the beach from the airport. I plan to have a margarita in my hand, sand in my suit and all will be good.

I think I skated by...

I just got smart and deleted my last post rambling on about how I apparently ruffled some feathers of the powers-that-be last Friday. Let's just say I'm still employed and am keeping my big fat mouth SHUT in the future. :)

I'm apparently an idiot. My clapotis is not progressing too quickly. OK, it's actually been restarted 4 times. One two three FOUR times and now it's maybe 3 inches long. WHY is it so hard for me to do a purl front & back? I don't know. I'm an idiot. I'm going to have to stop by a LYS and have some nice soul sitting knitting show me what the FUXX I'm doing wrong as I'm getting a bit pissy. I'm SO JEALOUS of Colleen as she made the dang thing for less than what I paid for ONE of my THREE skeins. See what happens when I get a bug up my butt and HAVE to make something IMMEDIATELY???? I need to learn patience....yeah right. I can dream anyway. I got frustrated and went back to knitting on the world's most boring colored bag instead. cripes.

I wanna make the xback tank too. I think that'd be a good vacation knit. I'm going to run by the LYS and see what kind of ribbon yarn I can find to make it too!

My honey's still sweet as can be. I can't believe I'm not freaking out and/or getting totally bored with this guy. My dad was so funny. Dad & I were driving the kids out for Beth's big soap box derby car inspection and practice day yesterday afternoon. Dad was talking about how he and mom really like Jeff and they think he's a very nice man. I said, Dad, don't worry, we're NOT going to rush into anything. (I have a history of an ex-husband PLUS a divorce from a mini-marriage of 6 months) I like him, he likes me, but we both like our lives and are not going to get into anything major for a LONG time. Dad said, "we just don't want any more D's, so if you decide to do something, just try it out for a while first." Daddy telling me to shack up in sin? LOVING that. You'd have to know my dad to see the humor in that. He's such a sweet and very Catholic man. He actually gave me "the talk" the night before my wedding that there's a lot of pressure on that first wedding night "If you kids are tired, you don't have to do anything. Your first time together as man and wife should be because you are ready to share yourselves, not because you think you have to do something...." Yes, my daddy thought I wore a white wedding gown for a reason. Sweet, isn't it? (Yes, I was actually a tramp. we all know that. my daddy doesn't. Let's leave it that way.)

me too, I want one too!

OK, so now that the ENTIRE blogging world has already created tons of these things, I've decided I must make a Clapotis. I must go shopping for yarn. I think I may mosey over today to Knitwits in Olate today on my lunch break.

Do you know how hard it is to be a hottie when you're a mom? Not just the belly pudge, the extra weight on the hips and thighs, the lack of sleep, the permanent bags under the eyes, the worry that turns your hair white, no none of that. When it's pouring rain and you leave your umbrella in the house at home, you are forced to use a tiny purple thing that has big elephant ears flopping off the sides and a trunk that's partially ripped off so it's hanging down off the edge (looking more like a different part of the elephant's anatomy actually). This umbrella does not actually protect you from the rain as it's so freaking small and weirdly shaped. The various bodyparts hanging off the sides actually drip rain down in little streams onto your back or sides or whatever was dry previously.

I'm going shopping for yarn dammit.

minty fresh

So, I'm all domestic last night. Doing laundry, cooking dinner (YES, cooking), kids are playing, everyone's happy. I sit down and knit on the most BORING bag in the world. What was I thinking getting dark brown and black yarn? BORING and hard to see at night. cripes. Anyway, watched my boys in blue SWEEP the Yankees. woo hoo Royals! The dream is alive! Apparently I was not paying enough attention and didn't check the pockets of my jean capri's and SOMEHOW one of those BRAND NEW pocket packs of listerine monster mint tabs that melt on your tongue went through the wash. Yup, my entire load of laundry is MINTY fresh and smelling STRONG....cripes. Of course, I didn't rewash them, nope. I'm not that domestic. So, this morning my breath smells like spicy breakfast burrito and my clothes smell like mint. God, I'm a dork.

I'm meeting Jeff's sister tonight. She's the protective little sister who is looking out for his best interests AND she's pregnant. Great. I've casually met his folks twice now and she thinks he's avoiding her as we haven't run into her yet. He said, "let's just stop by and have a few beers and she can meet you." She's a beer drinking woman that's PREGNANT and can't drink. So, she thinks we're avoiding her, she's pregnant and hormonal, AND we're going to drink beer in front of her that she can't have. Yup, it should be a nice evening. I told him we're at least bringing a fruit smoothie or shake or something for her. wish me luck.

Bigwigs didn't make it into the office yesterday, so things were pretty quiet. Miss L's last day. I'm really happy for her as she's found a great job at a stable company with a LOT more $$. Our new part-time college girl is having MAJOR stress as they hired her for a part-time answer the phone, file and do a few things job and now pretty much said, learn everything this full-time employee did in a week PLUS the job you were hired for. She was a bit stressed yesterday so we had a talk and I told her just do what she can and anything else she gives to me or just DOESN'T DO. period. Sure hope she stays.... I'm telling you, if she goes, I'm working from HOME.

Got my toes "did" yesterday and I'm feeling good. Thank GOD for pedicures. They are one of my favorite things in life. Got my sessy toes workin, looking good! Bella's in Olathe is the BEST! They have the GOOD chairs that vibrate AND do the rolling up & down your back thing and recline, people that KNOW what they're doing, they CLEAN everything, massage your legs & tootsies like a motherbugger, and do the BEST little flower decorations, every time is different, like little works of art on my big toes. Thank you Miss Teresa for sending me to them! Plus, my new honey likes my sessy toes and soft feet, I get good footrubs out of the deal...always a good thing.

Countdown to Florida: 9 days

They're baaaaaaaaack.....

You know, I ALWAYS look forward to the visits of our owners from Florida. always. Actually I stress for no reason what-so-ever, each time thinking I'm soon to be removed from my job and all crazy and then they get here, they do their thing, smile nicely at me and leave. Still, I stress. There is a history of them coming to town and people being out of jobs. A major history of that. I need to remember I'm ALL THAT'S FREAKING LEFT... Get over it Christine. What's the worst that could happen anyway???? More time off? a little unemployment? I could go back to school full time. Plus, I'm IT. I could probably dance nekkid on the tables and not get into too much trouble. Don't worry, no nekkid dancing down here. I'm behaving myself plus that's a little too much cellulite to be bouncin around in public. It's just a bit stressful anyway. I do like these people, they just stress me out.

No knitting news here. I am officially accepted into my little art fair and am all happy and SO behind on knitting stuff for it. Thanks Miss SanAntonio, the fuzzy wuzzy hairy bag was kind of a creation I was experimenting with. I think I like it too!

Welcome back to blogland, Miss Amanda and Miss Liz! We missed you ladies!

I think we need some motivational quotes today! Here's what came up on my little flippy calendar the last few days plus a couple of my old favorites. I apologize if I've posted them before. I'm a quote-ho, can't help it.

Late birds get worms while early birds get tired.
--Judith Viorst

You can be better dressed when you own a lot of stuff.
--Helen Gurley Brown

I feel sure that no girl would go to the altar if she knew all.
--Queen Victoria

I always want more. That's me. I'm a bitch.
--Madonna

Hair has always been important.
--Diana Ross

For her fifth wedding, the bride wore black and carried a scotch and soda.
--Journalist Phyllis Battelle, describing millionairess Barbara Hutton's marriage

I have GOT to find some fast knits...

I'm suffering from some SERIOUS "got-to-finish-something-itis" lately. I got about 3 rows past the BIG OL bottom of the knit project bag I started over the weekend. I was so antsy I was rummaging through my stash, checking out patterns, basically in a tither for no reason. aarrrggghhh. Finally sat my butt down and knit a few more rows, watched Dave Chappell's one-hour comedy special on Comedy Central (hysterical) and was all better. But I'm still wanting something to work on in addition to the never-ending boring brown/black stitches for the bag. maybe I'll do some more of the crocheted flower scarf/belt things. yeah, that's the ticket. some fast crochet projects will keep my crafter's soul pacified while stitching away forever on the bag. I'm wanting to find some more schaefer's esperanza for some more felted groove bags, those are so much fun to make as the color patterns do cool things right before your eyes. Maybe I'll go looking online.... That would be a fun project for the vacation in 2 weeks.

What? Vacation? YES, for the FIRST TIME EVER I am taking my little chitlins on a REAL vacation. Not to the lake. Not to Great-Grandma's house. Not to a family reunion. Nope. We're going to the BEACH BABY! My baby bro, remember, the cute one? He and his fiance are living a few blocks from the beach in Naples, Florida.....WOO HOO! We're going to slather on sunscreen, take my butt-white baby redheads to the beach each am and pm and in the afternoon prime-time cooking hours go to the zoo or a movie or something INDOORS. Can't freaking wait. 4 days in paradise. We are NOT going to anything resembling Disney as both children would not survive the trip. Their momma is entirely too pissy for that much excitement and only one adult vs 2 kids. Not gonna happen. We'll wait for a big family trip with granparents, uncles, etc.

A frightening thought...Senior Bush plugs Jeb for president 'someday' Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a bush-hater. Nope, but I am a BIT disappointed with the bully our country has become in this administration. I realize pappa bush didn't do too much damage, he's a nice old guy, but GEEZ LOUISE hasn't your family done enough for our country?????.... Now, I also realize with a name like "Jeb" how can you NOT be President? We've had the "G.W." nice little redneck initials, and Jeb would just be a continuation of the status quo.... scared you just thinking of it, now didn't it??????

What else was I thinkin' on today??? OH yeah, here's a NEAT site and for you knitters more talented than I am on the little dpns, REDSWEATER.ORG. This site has been written about in a couple of knitting magazines. She's not trying to change the world, but wants people to think about the ways the war is affecting our people., She is creating a work of art with a knitted or crocheted little red sweater representing each US soldier killed in Iraq. There are knitters across the nation submitting sweaters for the cause. It's kind of a cool site.

I'm slowly working on updating the old blog...but I'm too lazy today. Here's a few pics I submitted for the art sale I'm doing in the fall. (smaller versions here)

I also made me a new button, I'll post it over on the sidebar someday...


And just because this pic cracked me up...Elvis came to the CF walk and was singing and strumming his guitar as he rode around on one of the golf carts inspiring all the walkers....

OH MY GOD I think I love this man

I'm not kidding. L-bomb word. seriously. I KNOW I haven't known him long. I know all that stuff. But still, the potential for something pretty cool is there. seriously. I'm wigging out, but decided WTF I'm not going to muck this up worrying about anything. We lived through the weekend. All children were present and accounted for at the breakdown of camp and I still want to spend time with the man. For those of you that KNOW me, you know I get mighty pissy and mighty tired of men quite easily, throw in the great outdoors, sweat, bugs and smelly stuff, I could be a royal pain in the ass and run for the hills before he would know what hit him. It's so NOT me. We decided we both are feeling more than we need to, and were both stressing over it as we have our little lives, we have kids, we don't need further complications, etc. We are just going to spend time together when we can, jump each other's bodies at any available opportunity (can I blame myself??? He's HOT and thoughtful!) and not worry about futures or any relationship crap and if we feel a little extra love for each other, that's not such a terrible thing. If we end up as little old people walking down the lane holding hands, that's ok and if not, that's ok too.

SO, we had a BLAST! Jeff & his 2 boys, me and my 2 munchkins and two of Jeff's good friends from high school and their families, a big-ass pontoon boat, a sea-doo jet ski thing, a NICE motor-home camper (that one friend, his wife & baby stayed in), a beat-to-heck pop-up camper (that the rest of us crammed into), and a pup-tent of love (where Jeff & I escaped for a bit of snuggling late at night), a TON of food, HUGE bonfires (filled with actual tree trunks, not measly pieces of wood here, no, too much testosterone in the air... it all made for a wonderful weekend! PLUS did I say they rigged an air-conditioner onto the top of the pop-up camper? THAT made for one nice long nap on Sat. afternoon! woo baby! We were close enough to the FLUSHING toilets (love that) but not too close if you know what I mean, and Lake Perry has some SERIOUSLY cool clean showers as well. MY kind of camping! I don't have any pics of me yet as no one there was comfortable with a digital camera, but there's a few highlights below. Click the mini's to see our fun!

I was quite the cutie with a new shorter hair-cut and a wardrobe from the Eddie Bauer Outlet mall sale (I looked like a chubbier version of their sale catalog) and my kids lived in their swimsuits and white t-shirts that may have to be burned as they are permanently BROWN from that clear lake water (sludge).

I even got some knitting done, much to the amusement of all the campers round about. The camp next-door called me "Grandma Moses" all weekend, but since a lot of them looked like the cast of deliverance, I thought that may have been a compliment. I decided to take some wool along and started the My Constant Companion from the Knitter's Stash book and actually got the bottom done and the sides started. This will be one BIG felted bag, so it may take me some time to complete! I'm also putting a BAD pic of the Tempting sweater on here, but it looks like CRAP as I'm trying to teach my daughter to take digital pics and we compromised by mom squatting down and Beth pushing the button while it sat on a dresser. It doesn't actually look that bad in person, but I've still not gotten the ribbon for it yet. If I wear it, I'll make Jeff take a pic of me or something.

OH, snoring update....no drool and I slept on my tummy with my mouth closed, so no snoring either! Our pop-up camper was rocking with snores of Jeff, his friend Mike and a couple of the kids, so I don't think mine would have been noticed. score!

My BAD pic of tempting sweater (please don't NOT make this sweater due to my pudge and lumpiness...it could be cute if knit to fit!)

Pics of our weekend:


A pic of the happy couple before the camping trip:

I do apologize for all the sappiness of the blog lately!

Am I really going camping with a new boyfriend AND all our kids?????

Work goes on....Well, as Miss Amanda put it, I'm the last woman standing. The last of the originals. Still here. How sad. Cripes. Now we're back to the "we're fine....we're just fine....." over and over and over. I know I'm fine. I don't know how fine "we" are. Life goes on. So far, everyone's being nice to Miss L, which is good and the new chicadee is learning a lot very fast. work work work work work... Glad it's a 3 day weekend! woo hoo!

Now I have to decide what project to take on the big camping trip this weekend. I figured there could be a veritable invasion of pregnant moths, so no wool is going along. I need some ribbon yarn as I want to make the Ribbon Xback tank from Knitty. I still had some lion brand ribbon yarn left over from my incredible tank, so I swatched some up and it's just not going to work. I NEED to go buy yarn. Yup. Can't you just hear those threatening moths from Lake Perry already? I can. Nope, no existing yarn can be brought into the wilderness (I know it'll be a gravel parking lot with electric plug-ins at the campsite, but that's still wilderness to me). I must go buy new ribbon yarn. period.

In addition to yarn and a good ball-cap, every new-relationship-level Ms. Camper needs cute clothes, chocolate bars, marshmallows & graham crackers and BEER. Eddie Bauer's Outlet store at the great mall of the great plains in Olathe is having it's monster sale! Everything outside in the mall is 60% off and everything inside the store is 10-30% off. Let's just say I spent enough $$ that I should be the cutest little camper you ever saw. I got some CUTE shelf-bra tank tops for $7 each, a few sleeveless linen/cotton tops, shorts and other goodies. I already hit the liquor store, so my Michelob Ultra bottles are ready for putting into the cooler.

Now the only thing (besides bugs) I have to worry about is snoring. I even bought this spray from the drugstore. You can spray it in your throat and you're not supposed to snore. I was freaking out about this as I was told that I sometimes snore like a drunk truck driver. Miss Jildo was making me feel better about the whole snoring thing as last time she came to town she said I hardly made any noise at all. She said "Tina, don't worry, the worst I heard was once in a while you made a noise that lightly resembled a snore if you really used your imagination." I felt SO much better. AAAAhhhhh. Then, she said, "but what about drooling? Aren't you worried about waking up with a big pile of drool all over your pillow?" Thanks Jildo. Until now, I had NOT worried about that. Great. The plan is that we are all (Jeff & his 2 boys and me and my 2 munchkins) sleeping in a pop-up camper. Don't worry, his group on one side and mine on the other, no traumatizing the children with us two shacking up here, I do have SOME morals. But still, I would like the image of the sleeping me to be a peaceful, pretty little lady asleep, one that would make the man want to spend more time with me in the future, you know, the image of the princess asleep waiting for prince charming's first kiss....not one of a snoring drooling mess with funky hair, white trash trailer park queen. Everyone please think non-drooling, non-snoring thoughts for me!

Ok, this is totally inappropriate and not funny, but I just couldn't help it.....Remember the phrase "if you keep doing that, you'll go blind?" FDA probes blindness among Viagra users so so so inappropriate. sorry, couldn't help myself.

cf walk, my honey, and WORK STUFF

The man of the hour, JOEY!!! running at the end of our 3 mile walk!


Here's some pics from the end of our cf walk. The Kansas City Great Strides walk raised over $195,000 for research! WOO HOO! Thanks to everyone for good thoughts and donations! Here's some of the kids, me and half of my honey's face:



Here's a few more hightlights. The boys had a BLAST! My daughter finished so far ahead of us she was sitting down drinking a pop in the shade with my aunt while we were struggling up the hill...




Apparently the damn Tempting sweater is a bit BIT big. I'm tempted to rip out the tempting and reknit it with smaller needles.......but I'm going to do it LATER. I think I'll get the ribbon, wear it and just not bend over as the whole thing would probably gape atrociously and give a peep show.... My pics just wouldn't turn out. I had my daughter helping also, and we got pics of the floor, my elbow and a REALLY scary closeup of my face that made me feel SO old, so no pics yet. I'll see if Jeff will take one of me tonight.

DUNGEON UPDATE...And then threre were two (AGAIN)....but wait, there's more...Ms. L (my assistant) has accepted a position paying her $5 MORE an hour just down the road. It sounds like the company has been around a long time and the last time they had to hire someone was in 1994, the lady who's job L is taking had to relocate with her hubby. STABLE company with GOOD benefits paying HIGH wages. Who'd have thunk it? I'm very happy for her, but a bit sad for me. Though I did complain a bit (ok a lot but I'm a complainer you know) I did LOVE working with this lady. She's sweet and caring and DID HER JOB and a LOT of extra work to make my job easier. Ah well.....local bossman is traveling today and the other owners are in Mexico, so the crap has not yet hit the fan....Thank goodness we have a very bright part timer here or I'd have to run away home and work....and hide....

LATER!

Tempting sweater is DONE and it FITS!!!! well pretty-much

I finally was ready to take a pic last night at about midnight and my dang battery on the camera was dead. It's charging now, and I promise to post a pic tonight! I finally FINALLY finished that dang sweater and it is quite cute too! I bound off pretty loosely as everything else I normally bind off so tight it mucks everything up, but this one is a bit loose around the top. I think once I get the ribbon in around the little yo holes I'll be just cute as heck! YEAH FOR ME!!!! Ok, so I'm not totally done, I still need to sew in all the loose ends and tails. It also has 2 twisted stitches and a purl where a knit should be, but I don't freaking CARE. I'm loving it. I also am going to have to wash the dang thing before I wear it (I HATE that even though I know I should) as the yarn is smelling a bit icky. I think I'm picking up hints of the animal that cashmere came from in the cotton/cashmere blend. I probably shouldn't have been leaving it in its plastic yarn shop bag in the hot car each day, huh? Ah well. I'm going to pick up some wool wash and get it smelling better today and I may even wear it out Wed. night!

YES, I'm heading out Wed. night, NO I can't make it to knit club AGAIN......cripes. Hien (my friend Lili's hubby) is graduating from grad school Wed night, so I'm heading over to celebrate with the gang. I may take Jeff along to see what the girls think of him.

NOW I get to decide what I want to start next......ooooh of course I don't want to do something from the stash, no, that's not a real reward, I want NEW YARN!!!!! I have to go shopping for my secret pal anyway, so maybe something will jump out at me from the LYS!

I'm going to sign up for the toe up sock class at the Yarn Shop and More taught by TJStein! This lady can KNIT! WOO HOO baby, I'm crossing over to the dark side, can't you just hear the cash register ringing as my addiction to those pretty sock yarns is just beginning????? That's to say as long as I survive those dang short dpns... Anyone else in the KC area want to take it too?

Note to drivers in the industrial district of Olathe, KS: You may only drive 12 miles BELOW the speed limit if you are a school bus driver, a very old person or if your car is held together by duct tape and wire. Otherwise you need to get the HECK out of my way please. I am not a candidate for road rage, but I have been getting a bit pissy lately during my afternoon commute. My version of road rage is stewing and fuming and giving very dirty looks at the back of your vehicle. I have to down this curving long road with double yellow lines and lots of rr crossings before I get onto the highway. I am not a patient person. Avoid my evil eye and get the HELL out of my way. please.

hormones, hormones, everywhere

WOW, it's interesting working in a small office with mostly women. My lovely yet quite scary when PMS-ing co-worker has calmed down a bit this Monday. Good thing as my PMS-ing was kicking in as well and she was getting SCARY last Friday. I'm now moved from ready-to-cry-at-any-moment to MASSIVE chocolate cravings. MMMMMmmmmm. chocolate. Yes, while at Quick Trip for gas and the best diet coke in Olathe, I decided I NEEDED the king-sized Reese's Pnut butter cups. Needed. I did not inhale them immediately upon getting into the truck, no, I conscioulsy made myself wait until I picked up lunch and went back to the office and ate my little toasted subway sandwich. I lovingly set it out of the sun while in Subway, to protect it's fragile chocolatey goodness. I even turned two of the air conditioning vents directly onto the chocolate bar. I pull back into the dungeon's parking lot, looked over and realized I had tossed the TOASTED (aka hot as heck) sandwich DIRECTLY on top of the chocolate treat. PISSED ME OFF a tiny bit. My chocolate cravings were not to be denied. Did I do the smart thing and put it into the fridge? nope. I ate ALL FOUR cups. no, more like drank all four cups. They went from beyond melty but still resembling a round shape to pure thick liquid levels. I am sure even 5 minutes in refrigeration would have allowed the melted mess to solidify enough to actually be pulled from the ruffled edges of the thin paper, but no. I had to lick them clean immediately. I think I ate some of the paper in one instance and didn't really even care. I am feeling much better now. :)

Knitting news, I did get the 5" done on the yoke after joining the sleeves to the Tempting sweater, but being the organized lady that I am, had FAILED to realize I now need to do the yarn overs to make the little holes for the ribbon and THEN knit another 5 rounds. Someday soon I will finish this damn thing.....I am NOT letting myself start any other projects and I can hear them calling me at night.....listen carefully and you can hear yours too.....it could make a serious horror movie...all those UFO's calling from the bottom of the dresser, plastic tubs, dragging themselves along by their little wooden needles like wounded critters with broken legs.....KNIT US......KNIT US......

Man, it's a good thing I'm back on the pill. Without it I used to get REALLY looney when good ol' Aunt Flo came for a visit. You think my posts get nutty, you should see my dreams...good thing for little white pills of hormones!

We had a cute-as-a-button new girl start today in the part-time position. I sure hope she comes back tomorrow. She's been put into filing-hell, I think it was level 8 of Dante's Inferno. Our filing system is it's own little crazy land. When I started here, we'd have to look under "The XXXX XXXX Company" or "City of XXXX XXXX" instead of the actual names of our clients. The system was set up by a retired librarian. I'm thinking maybe the old biotch wasn't "retired" but "tossed out on her arse". It still cracks me up to find one of these, you have to actually search for THE xxxxx, and cannot find the client by its actual name. She's young and idealistic, so she probably doesn't yet realize just how strange it really is in our little parallel universe.

My yummy boy brought me chocolate bars and rubbed my back when I said I didn't feel well this weekend. We had a major playdate/kids running around in the sprinkler and water gun fight in my backyard and we got to sit up on the deck watching and laughing and every so often he'd go join in. He only squirted me a couple of times, so he got to live another day. He can also grill like a motherbugger, which is both manly and labor-saving for me, so I liked.

sweet stuff

OK, is this the sweetest thing you've ever heard or what????? Jeff and I saw each other this morning before dropping off kids and he gave me a paper bag. I said "what the heck is this?" and he said he knew I was running late, so he made me a breakfast pack. I had a little brown bag filled with fresh washed and sliced strawberries, a pack of applesauce, a little bottle of orange juice and a spoon. I got all that with a little kiss as well. OK, so all together now, "AAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!" I know, I know, I really like this guy! I will admit I'm a bit smitten. I called to thank him as NO ONE has ever made me any form of breakfast before, and it was just so thoughtful. He said it wasn't just being sweet, he figures he'll piss me off good someday and wants to have enough sweet stuff in there that I take that into consideration. I still think he's sweet. Plus, the strawberries were HEAVENLY, that perfect blend of sweet & tart.

I am ITCHING seriously to start on a new project, but am forcing myself to NOT PICK UP ANY yarn or needles until that tempting sweater is DONE. I've gotten 4 inches past the joining of sleeves, so I only have one inch left. I WILL finish it tonight and will take pictures. I promise to post even if it's so tight that the little back chub around the bra strap shows or if it falls to the ground ending up too big. Yes, I did check the gauge, NO I have NOT tried it on, so it will be an adventure.

When I finish, I'm thinking I need to felt something, or work on a shawl. Oh, I think I MAY sign up for a damn sock knitting class so I won't be held back on all those cute hat & other patterns that need dpn's. I saw on Vicky's blog that she called it a "sacrifice to the knitting gods" when she snapped a needle, so maybe my little burnfest of the dpns in the grill was a sacrifice. Yeah, that's it, a sacrifice.

We survived the pre-school graduation. 16 songs. SIXTEEN SONGS plus 6 speeches, cake and moving yarn tassels from the right to the left of cardboard hats. Very cute. I even did a bit of chit chat with the ex-wife of yummy man. That was interesting as well. Very polite, very very polite, but a touch icky nonetheless. One of the other moms was unknowingly my buffer as I kept her in the conversation so it was us three. I thanked her afterwards quietly and let her know JUST how helpful she was. Jeff said he was cool with it, but his face was pure white when he looked over and saw us talking. I did laugh a bit at him. Also, Joey's class and the class next door donated their change to his CF Walk for this Saturday. Those little buggers brought in over $100 worth of change to donate and I didn't know anything until they handed me the checks. I swear, this world may have some problems, but there is still a great deal of kindness out there.

For a good time, call Angela...

Ok, you NEED to read Angela's post today on Knittus Interruptus, a disease affecting a great number of us knitters. Man, you Nashville knitters are some funny ladies!

HOORAY for the Olathe Kansas Police!

We had us a bit of excitement down here this morning. Olathe Police stop bank robbery suspect and save hostages

Way to go Olathe Police! Not too long ago the Leawood Police stopped a bank robbery suspect in the car right outside the bank by one of the policemen jumping into the moving car and pulling the guy out as he was dragged alongside. We make jokes about the police around here normally having nothing better to do than give tickets, but these men & women are ON TOP OF THINGS! Thanks for keeping us all safe!

Joey has his preschool graduation tonight, let the show begin. WOW these people need to get a life, as it's a larger production than most people experience with high school graduations. Ah well, should be fun. (Plus Jeff's ex-wife will be in attendance, that has to make for an interesting evening of people-watching!)

That damn sweater is only about 3 inches from completion, I'm on the final few rounds of the yoke. I was actually hoping to have it done in time to wear tonight, but that ship has sailed.

On the camping scene (Memorial Day weekend) apparently Jeff realized I was not the only nutty woman concerned with wearing shorts and/or a bathing suit in public. He said his friend Mike was complaining about "these damn women" as his wife was saying "I am NOT wearing a swimsuit!" and the other wives/gf's were doing the same thing and all the men were shaking their heads drinking their beer while talking about fixing up the motors on the boats they've got. I think this scene has been repeated since the dawn of time. Very Tim-the-tool-man-Taylor meets the Men are from Mars, women from Venus kind of thing. cracked me up. I am actually bringing a swimsuit, but also some cut-off shorts to help hide the cellulite. :)

I'm not feeling too motivated to work today....

Yes, it's time for some good old motivation to get us pumped up for the workforce today! Yeah Yeah Yeah Go Team woo hoo and all that crap...

It's too pretty outdoors to be stuck in a basement. I wanna play hookie, dammit! Ah well. STILL knitting that damn sweater, I think I may actually finish it tomorrow and will put pictures on then. I think I am going to cross over to the dark side and take a sock knitting class to try to master those damn short double pointed sticks of torture. I actually had a dream about it last night. I had to hold the world together with my dpns and if my stitches would only be straight and even we'd be able to leave Iraq. There were bullets racing by and I heard this ticking sound and I had to knit knit knit...I woke up all sweaty and heart racing and thought this is ridiculous. I either need to conquer the dpns or have more sex. I vote for both.

OK, I just cracked up. I said to my coworker, "Man, it's 10:15, I guess I should try to get started on some work now." She laughed and said, "I was just thinking I'd put in 2 hours, it was time to stop working now." Yes, the general attitude is one of "go company go" down here in dungeonland. OK, so it was much funnier down here with bad air quality, no sunlight and too much work to do. It still somehow put me in a better mood.

Knitting Needles are not good fire starters

How do I know this? Long story (hard to imagine, I know). My tempting sweater has sleeves now. I don't think they're going to fit. I don't particularly care any longer. I am NOT taking it off the circs to try it on. If it doesn't fit, I'm going to hack off the sleeves with a hachet and wear the body as a tube top or wear it with tight sleeves that cut off the flow of blood to my fingers. I swear to all that is holy that I WILL wear this sweater one way or another. My vendetta to finish this damn sweater is way beyond personal now. It has gone to vandalism.

I swear this is an easy pattern. I made five, count them one, two, three, four, five little sleeves for this freaking sweater. Yes, I only have two arms. I LEARNED a few things in the making of this bad boy:

#1 -- If the only double pointed needles available in your LYS are SHORT needles and you'll be putting a lot of stitches on them DON'T FREAKING BUY THEM. WAIT and find the normal length dpns. please.
#2 -- If you are stubborn and/or stupid enough to buy 2 sets of the short dpns for this anyway (the pattern needed a spare set) then FIND SOME DAMN point protector things for the ends of your needles.
#3 -- If you are too STUPID or LAZY to find the dang point protectors, get very VERY good at picking up dropped stitches without twisting threads. Of course, I did NOT have a crochet hook with me, nope, I had to use a knitting needle to do the dirty work of going up through 3 or 4 rows each dropped stitch. I actually DID get very VERY good at this, so in a small way I probably learned something and grew as a knitter.
#4 -- Once you finally decide you could teach a class at picking up knit and purl stitches and think, HMMMMM, maybe I should try to keep the stitches ON the needles instead of picking them up at EACH FREAKING TURN OF THE dpn's, get enough to actually cover all ends of the needles. I only could find 3 and so it added about twice the time & work to stop, move, knit, stop move knit, repeat. Giant pain in the ass, but much better than picking up more stitches.
#5 -- I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but if I work on dpns and leave the needles where they are, I end up with freakishly mutated stitches once the needles are removed. I had pretty rib for about 18 stitches, FUNKY UGLY BIG start to the next rib, then repeat for the rest. I know there's got to be a way to knit on dpns without the funky stitch mutations, but the only way I found to get these done was to stitch an extra 2 stitches into the next needle at each go-round. This way, instead of having all my ugly stretched stitches in a row, they are spread out all over the sleeves, giving it a more wholesome mucked-up appearance. I may have to take a sock kniting class to learn how to actually use these damn needles.
#6 -- Clover wooden knitting needles do not burn readily on their own. I had a ceremonial burning of the short needles in our grill. Yes, I know that was stupid, throwing money away (I think they cost $7.50), No, I don't particularly care. It was quite healing and invigorating. I did save one set of the damn things because who knows when I may need these instruments of tortue again, but the other set I put into a pretty little tee-pee formation just like they teach you back in girl scouts. I ended up having to add crumpled newspaper and a LOT of matches. I didn't do the lighter fluid thing only because we were out. In the back of my head was a beavis & butthead voice doing the "fire! fire! fire! heh heh heh" but I restrained myself after a little bit of maniacal laughter.

My daughter had a blast at soap box this weekend. Actually, we all really had a great family fun weekend. I'm tired and have burnt ears. BURNT TO A CRISP ears. I was the queen of sunscreen. My little butt-white red-headed munchkins came home not burned, feeling good. I forgot my ears. Lived in the ball cap, FRIED ears with little blisters along the edges. owww.

My girl was the only 8 yr old rookie racer at the rally this weekend, and she did great. We did not hit any walls or other cars and never crossed the yellow line in the center. There were some pretty good wrecks we saw (no one gets hurt, but the cars take some damage.) One little girl Beth raced against had her brake line snap and she went FLYING past the slow down uphill part into the pea gravel at about 32 mph. Beth said it was "COOL!" to see and the little girl was a bit shaken but not hurt at all. We also did not win any races until the end of the second day. She was close so many times, and really held up well with the whole learning-to-drive-competively thing, but it's still hard not to EVER win even one heat down the hill. She ended up winning two straight heats in the consolation bracket and it was like she won the world championship. I mean, this quiet little girl was SHINING from the inside out. She made great friends, we all had fun, lots of good outdoor time, ate hotdogs and breakfast burritos, laughed, played, and all the rest. Joey spent most of his time polishing Beth's car or in the lego tent with the older boys creating cars and racing them down wooden ramps.

Ended my weekend with a visit from Jeff last night. He went to the lake and did the dad thing with soccer games and such this weekend, then came over after I had the kids in bed with a movie and a bottle of wine. We hung out with my folks for a while, shared the wine with dad and chatted. Then went downstairs to my little basement hide-a-way and snuggled and talked and all that good stuff. Apparently I now have a boyfriend. Little Miss Relationship-phobia with a bf? I figured screw it. I'm liking the guy, why worry about all that crap. If it works for a while, great. If not, no biggie. Why am I hiding away from true feelings all the time? OK, enough rambling.

I'm going to finish that damn sweater one way or another in the next couple of days. If it's not wearable, I'm burning more than just the dpns. No frogging and reusing the yarn. no being environmentally conscious. Nope, it had better damn well be wearable. Maybe I should buy some of those Denise interchangeable METAL needles. safer for me. safer for the needles.

Crazy rants plus I LOVE THE YARN STORE IN OVERLAND PARK, KS!!!!

WARNING, this post is a bit of a LONG schitzophrenic rant of what's buzzing around in my head...

How much do I love these women???? Not only do they have a BIG store full of yummy yummy yarn and patterns galore, they're CLOSE to everything in the southern part of the city, but they are helping raise money to fight cystic fibrosis. They are hosting the $1 donation cards for our TEAM JOEY CF walk and EVEN put it in their newsletter emailed out to clients!!!! YEAH FOR THE YARN STORE!!! Here's the Yarn Store's latest newsletter and here's their Spring Class Schedule.

So far our little TEAM JOEY has raised $952 for our big Great Strides walk on May 21, 2005 at Shawnee Mission Park Shelter #8 in Shawnee, Kansas. It's SO MUCH FUN and really does help. A lot of the medicine that helps keep my little guy healthy was only approved in the last few years, so I feel this $$ donations really work! Thank you to all who are helping out! If you'd like to donate, feel free to join our team!

Absolutely NO knitting news whatsoever, other than realizing I will AGAIN not be able to get to knit club next Wed. as Joey's graduating from Pre-K. Yes, I know he's 5 1/2 years old and this is a silly little thing, but the other parents there do NOT accept or share this opinion. This is a MAJOR dress-up, 2 1/2 hour stage production complete with little blue hats, TONS of cameras and family members crammed into an auditorium, tears, hysterics and cake. I showed up for my daughter's graduation from this place a couple of years ago wearing jeans and a sweater set and was SO out of place as the rest of the world was in suits, furs, and *gasp* PANTYHOSE (yes I know it's like 90 degrees outside, but apparently when you've got fur coats you wear them to these things). It was like a college function. freaky. The kids have fun, the parents are a bit over the edge, all in all it's a GREAT people watching event. This year also has the added bonus of having my new man of interest AND his ex-wife there as well. Could the night BE any weirder? yes, yes, it could.

Mr. Rumsfeld proposes closing 100 military institutions including 30 major bases and cutting 29,000 military and civilian jobs to save $50 billion over the next 20 years. Call me crazy, but how about if we quit invading other countries and spending money we don't have and lives we can't afford to lose instead of cutting jobs????? Just my little opinion.

What am I doing on Saturday, June 25th? Why, petting baby calves, going on a hayride, playing games and winning drawings at the FREE Family Day on the Farm at my FAVORITE local milk producing family farm, the Shatto Milk Company in Cameron, MO, just north of KC off I-35. OH MY GOD I love their chocolate milk. The knitting virgin admits to a BIT of an addiction to the 2% choc. stuff. LIKE HEAVEN. OK, how cool is this place? They have a Moosletter with more details. Talk about creative people, check out pg 3 for details on the family fun event and also their Bovine Employee of the Month. I cracked up reading that. Yes, I am a dork. No, I don't care and YES I'm going to pet a baby calf.

OK, the BEST part of my day so far is seeing that I had a comment from Pope Joe. Check it out: What a good little Catholic girl am I!

Miss Susie, thanks for the ideas on surviving the camping! I LIVE in my Elizabeth Arden Red Door perfume, so thanks for the reminder that perfume is OFF LIMITS outdoors. I'll be radiating the smell of Bug Spray. oooh baby. Vicki, I'll email you and see if we can't say HOWDY some time during the big weekend!

Dungeon update, we may or may not be replacing the part-time position recently vacated by CRAZY LADY. I may or may not go entirely insane down here drowning in paperwork and pencil-through-the-eye frustration. I have learned NOT to ask for things, though. It took me long enough. Now I've scheduled my vacation time to take the kids to FL to see Will & Raegan in June and have heard so SO so many little comments about how hard it is to have time off then.....no one has said ok, but no one has said no. I bought the tickets and WILL be on the plane one way or another, so it's just work as usual again. It used to drive me crazy not having approval for things I wanted to do. Now I guess I just do them. I get my work done (ok, not so much lately, as I'm drowning in detail-land) keep my mouth shut (YES I can do that occasionally) and run for the sunshine at the end of my days.

Ask the Pope

OK, from Stephanie's blog, this one is SO stinking funny, it's my new daily read:

Ask the Pope Blog

Ethics test from Miss Amanda

OK, I normally don't care for all those forwarded emails that go around, but this one was sent to me special from Miss Amanda and I immediately thought of my bloggin friends...

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.



You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer . . .

Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under, forever.



You have two options -- you can save the life of G.W.Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:



Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

Who would've thought getting involved is so involved?

Soap box, soap box, soap box! That dang car is HEAVY! The car and driver in the stock (beginning) levels need to weigh 200 lbs. together. My daughter only weighs around 60 lbs, so that is one HEAVY-ASS CAR to be loading in and out of the back of a pickup truck! We're practicing again tonight and tomorrow and the race is all weekend. I will be one tired momma come Sunday night. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the fact that my daughter has finally found something to get involved with, but I'm a lazy momma and get tired. :) Ah well. Motherhood's tough and I've got lots of good helpers around.

No knit club, I'm TRYING to get back there someday! I did NOT make it to the LYS for dpns last night, so my tempting sweater is still tempting me and waiting not so patiently for its sleeves. I did start up a baby felted groove bar/bag type thing, but not sure how it'll turn out. I've been missing my felting days. MUST FELT SOMETHING.....MUST FELT.....

I should not be allowed to make important decisions when I'm all cuddly and kissin' on a man. Nope, not allowed. SOMEHOW I'm going CAMPING over Memorial Day weekend WITH MY CHILDREN and this guy and HIS CHILDREN and some friends and their children. WTF? I have camped, I can camp, but I am not what you would call a camping lady. I would not pick it out as something I'd do on purpose ESPECIALLY with a new beaux. I still curl my hair for a bike riding date when I know I'll have to put on a helmet anyway. WHAT WAS I THINKING????? Sweating, fishing and minimum electricity? It's a state park, so there'll be plug-ins so Joey can do his nebulizer and shaking vest in the evenings, but I don't think I'll be able to get away with using a hair dryer and hot rollers and not looking out of place. cripes. At least it's just a few days.

I've got my sister-in-law-to-be's bachelorette party Friday night, so I'm driving the kids out to Lake Perry on Saturday. Last night when talking with Jeff, I must have sounded a little timid when I asked if the plan was to stay out there the entire weekend or what the plans were and he said we'd just plan on staying through Sunday for now and we could decide as we go. He said that way if I wanted to run away screaming from him & all the testosterone of the camping men & boys I could do so gracefully. All I know is I'm bringing YARN and BEER. Good combination.

Quote for the day:

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
--humorist/playwright Jean Kerr

Free Frosties from Wendy's this weekend!

Wendy's is giving away junior sized FREE frosties with no purchase required from this Friday through Sunday as a thank-you to customers who stood by them during the finger scare. Here's more info: Wendy's free frosties

I LOVE LOVE LOVE dipping their fries in those frosties....yummmmmmmmm

We're all so proud...

Joey has learned to burp on demand. He is quite proud of himself. It is getting WAY beyond annoying, but I'm trying to pick my battles. No burping at the table or in the car with mom. Other than that, pretty much it's Burpfest 2005.

Beth's getting excited about her first soap box derby race, she and my dad put flame racing stripes down the side of the car and little flame decals behind each wheel. She was out there polishing it until it shined. We have practice Thursday and Friday evening and the race is ALL day Sat. & Sunday. We have to be out at the track by 7:15am both days. ugh. Being a mom sure comes with a LOT of early mornings, doesn't it?? The cool news is NASCAR is now a sponsor of soap box racing, so we get to have a race in August at Kansas Speedway. Very cool. Somehow I never pictured my little red-headed all things pink/purple and fluffy girl as a nascar racer chic. I told her we'd find some nascar removable tatoos or something for her, Joey and my arms so we'll look the part.

I'm FINALLY ready to start on the sleeves of the Tempting sweater but I have to go buy double-pointed sz 8 needles first, so I've got to get to the LYS. BORING BORING BORING knitting posts lately, sorry! Not much excitement goes into this one. It's beginning to actually resemble a garmet, so that's good.

Still talking with Jeff each day. Still loving that, but it's funny. As a divorced woman dating a divorced man, you can't help but try to figure out what's wrong with the other person. That naive "he's perfect" way of thinking died long ago in us old divorced women. Now it's "what's wrong with this one" and determining if the faults are things you can live with or not. It sounds pretty morbid, but that's the way the world works. I've only seen kind & thoughtful & fun stuff. He's been on his good behavior so far. I'm not trying to pick him apart, don't worry, I'm just quietly observing.

I'm so boring when I'm happy.

I haven't even had any good old fashioned hissy fits/rants lately. Ah well.

I had a WONDERFUL weekend, happy Mother's Day to all you momma's out there. I made a HAUL this year. Seriously. The day began with the ceremonial "mom is staying in bed until 9am" accompanied by the ceremonial "threat of a butt-whoopin' if mom is disturbed one more time before 9am". We ended up opening a ton of presents in my bed at 9:01am with the kids so excited and bouncing around that all hope of rest was dashed. Beth had made this beautiful detailed bird sitting on a nest with 2 eggs in it out of clay for me and Joey had made one of those neat tissue-paper pieces painted over with glue on a jar for a vase and the COOLEST little notecards he'd painted in school. My folks had gone overboard with goodies for the kids to give me so I also ended up with "the worlds softest socks" which REALLY are for hanging out in the house and a natural sunlight lamp for my little corner office in the bedroom. It should be SO GREAT for seeing true colors on cross stitching and for knitting too.

We planted petunias along the sidewalk for my mom's present and the kids made cool planters at Home Depot Sat. am for her also and were very proud of all their work.

Friday night was Beth's school carnival where the highlight for my kids is getting their hair spray painted in wild colors. Beth's has mostly washed out, the tub was ringed with pink & purple and was a PAIN to scrub out, but she just has a touch of pink highlighting remaining, it actually looks pretty cool. Joey, on the other hand, with his short spiky hair, shows a lot of scalp and it is STILL stained with a red stripe down the middle and blue & green on the other sides of his head. I washed and washed and finally just gave up. He also decided that just because it's going to be upper 70's low 80's today, he's wearing his own favorite outfit anyway. He took off what I'd set out and showed up ready to go in his KC Chiefs sweatsuit from 2 years ago. Ratty threadbare sweatshirt & sweatpants with belly showing, ankles and wrists hanging out along with the funky hair, yes, he's my little white-trash boy today. I figured I'd pick my battles and just packed some shorts and a tshirt if he gets too hot. Stylin.

I am FINALLY ready to start on the sleeves for my Tempting sweater, am getting quite tired of the dang thing, so would like it DONE please. I have normally been more of an instant-gratification kind of knitter, but am starting to enjoy the process as much as the finished result. It is comforting and soothing to my frazzled mind to pick up the needles and just knit knit knit when I have a few spare minutes. Maybe I'm growing as a knitter. Probably not.

We're back to 3 at work again. Local owner, the asst, and me. The lady we hired for the part-time position turned out to be such a lulu that she made Loonie Leslie look normal. (or whatever her dang name was, I could never remember anything except "Loonie"--you remember, the one who sat on the heating pad every day and talked to the ceiling tiles???) WOW it was like that movie Groundhog day. Every day it was a brand new employee with NO FREAKING IDEA of what you'd taught her the day before (which was the SAME DAMN THING you taught the day before that). She couldn't even answer the phone and it doesn't even ring very often. I think the conference room conversation where she was let go was one of the strangest situations I've been in, and I have found myself in some strage situations in my life. hard to imagine, but true.

That's all, I'm still all aglow and happy and crap like that.

Lion Brands Ecards are pretty cool!

Have you seen this yet? I am loving the artwork on these pics! Click to see the Lion Brand's kniting ecards stuff:

A little more knitting yesterday, I don't think I'm EVER going to finish that damn sweater, it's my mission to start the sleeves this weekend.

We got Miss Amanda moved last night, well she still has some stuff to do today, but I think we made a major dent in things. The "big ugly" truck was packed to the hilt. I swear, is there anything sexier than a man that can pack a truck? I am going to HAVE to take a picture soon. It's hard to say, hey, we've only dated a few weeks, but I have these friends who want to see you and check you out so can I take your picture??? I'll work on having someone take one of the both of us. Might not be so weird that way! :)

I don't mean to get all sappy here, but I had the BEST night ever. ever. It was like a lot of details all came together and it was wonderful. We hung out as flirty-friend-type people, moved Amanda, did "normal stuff", we went to dinner at a dive Mexican restaurant and talked and talked and talked (I actually listened more than I talked, so I KNOW that means something), we went back to my house, sent my cousin home and watched tv, snuggled, and OH LORDY lets just say went exploring and then snuggled and snuggled and I ended up with a backrub that pretty much covered every sore muscle in my body. I also met his folks early in the evening as he had to drop off something at their house. They are very nice, normal people.

This weekend Jeff's got his boys, so he's doing Dad-stuff and I'm concentrating on Mom-stuff and knitting and all that. We are meeting at Home Depot for the kids' craft project Sat. late morning and both bringing the kids for a play date. I may have to head out to the casino and see if I still remember how to play poker or throw some dice. My cousin's apparently poor and/or hungry as he offered to come over and babysit Sat. night. Seeing as I don't get too many breaks with my ex living in NM, I take every chance I get to get out of the house!

Ladies, have a great weekend, enjoy the weather and happy knitting! I am at peace with the world and in the best warm fuzzy mood. I'm absolutely obnoxiously happy. NOT GOING TO JUMP INTO ANYTHING RELATIONSHIPWISE, but am SO enjoying the day-to-day little happy things. the birds are singing...the sun is shining...the Knitting Virgin's gettin' good lovin'....all is well.

FREAKING @#$&!@$$% Blogger

BLOGGER JUST ATE MY LONG DAMN POST and I have to leave now. DAMMIT!

Nutshell version, I'm helping Miss Amanda move tonight and Yummy Boy offered to bring "the big ugly" aka his big old Suburban farm truck and is helping. I asked him why when most people do anything to get out of moving friends and he said he thought he'd get major brownie points from me. I told Miss A. her job is to check him out to make sure I'm not imagining how cute & sweet he is. She's supposed to report back here in blogland.

Knitting--> still working on the tempting sweater, have 13" of tube done and think I'm going to do another inch or two before starting the sleeves.

Ran into FOUR women KIP at different places in the last 2 days, very cool. Also saw 3 older women wearing versions of the Lion Brand Martha's Coming Home poncho in Michaels yesterday.

Missed knit club last night, hope you all had a great birthday dinner!

I'm off for a playdate with Joey's friend Mya and then hop in the shower to prettify myself a bit before Jeff comes to get me.

I lost my freaking voice

Last weekend I freakishly lost my voice. All of it, it's gone. I never felt bad, but I just can't sing in the car, or at church, or TALK normally. The dr. put me on allergy meds thinking it was an allergic reaction and then asked me NOT TO TALK for a few days. For those of you that know me well, you should get a special kick out of that one. I think it's physically impossible for me to not talk. I once had a teacher in high school bet me $10 that I couldn't make it for the 50 minute period without making any noise. I made it 48 minutes and lost the bet. It's now been 7 days with a crappy voice. I tried to not talk very much for a few days, no improvement, gave up and now I just sound like a frog. ribbit. ribbit.

I started out having a crappy morning. Curling iron (aka weapon torture) slipped out of my sleepy fingers, and fell in that slow-motion action where you can almost hear the "na na na na na" like on the million dollar man show and you would THINK I could get out of the damn way, landed right on my forearm, giving me a lovely red singed stripe down my butt-white arm. nice. I was so pissed I yanked the plug out, tossed it down in the cabinet and stuck my arm under cold water for a few minutes while creating new versions of curse word strings. I could've been a poet. After I finally calm down, I realize, oh crap, the darn thing was COLD and we had to leave to take the kids to school so I had flat funky bangs ANYWAY and burned myself for no apparent reason. nice.

Driving down I-35 south to Olate, I realized that someone must have hidden major magnets in the sides of my blazer as THREE, count them ONE TWO THREE people decided to merge into me within the space of two exits. The first one startled me, the 2nd one pissed me off, after the 3rd one I started laughing insanely. It's not like I'm driving some tiny little car, it's a good sized RED blazer. cripes. No wrecks, no real cussing, got my heart going.

Get to work, fill my arms with all the files of crap I was supposed to do last night but fell asleep on the couch instead, requisite ceremonial first diet coke of the day, purse, tennies and other misc. crap, have ONE finger available to click the lock on the truck and realized the damn thing is out of battery power. MY CLICKIE IS DEAD..... that almost made me cry. How sad is that? I had to put down all my stuff, actually PUSH THE AUTOMATIC LOCK button and pick up all the crap and go again. How lazy have I gotten that I was pissed about that? How did our mothers actually push down the LOCKS on each door? Oh, yeah, we didn't have crazy carjacking people then, so we normally didn't lock doors. But still, it was like I'd lost the remote and had to actually walk across the room to change the channel, I felt like a freaking pioneer.

Knitting news, I'm joining the xback tank knitalong to make the CUTE, sexy tank from Knitty. Anyone want to make this with me? It calls for ribbon yarn, and I have a BUTTLOAD of the lion brand stuff left over from my first tank, but it's pretty itchy stuff. I think I need to go shopping. It sounds like a lot of ladies really liked the results of the Crystal Palace Deco Ribbon, I think I need a trip to the LYS!

How's the weather? Why, it's raining men!

All right, enough actual knitting posts. We want some SMUT, right? The possessed Knitting Virgin, blogger with 2 entries per day, has been a bit distracted by her new interest and has been seriously lax in typing away...

OK, so my absent mojo is apparently back in overdrive. There are men just falling from the sky in southern Johnson County. Yummy sweet boy Jeff is calling about once or twice a day to say hi, very sweet, and is so very VERY yummy. More details on him later.

Guess who called me yesterday afternoon? Yes, it was dealershipman, that cute guy I was flirting with THREE WEEKS ago. SO now that I'm getting to know my yummy boy, I'm not so interested in dealershipman, but I turned the poor guy down 12 months ago when he asked me out last time, so I thought I'd better be gentle. I mean, I'm just getting started in this dating again thing. So we chatted a little bit, it turns out he's actually still dating another lady, but is getting ready to break up...so I had the perfect out. I said, you know, I'm just not wanting to get into anything complicated right now. I said since he is the one in charge of my truck when I bring it in for oil changes anyway, so he should know he'll see me every couple of months at least. He seemed very happy, am I smooth or what?

THEN late last week I get a major pickup from one of the divorced dads at my daughter's elementary school skating party. I'm telling you, I may not be a hottie or graceful on land, but get me in those old-time roller skates and I'm a man magnet. woo hoo, it must be the way I almost knock children over and wobble my arms in the air. Big butted momma wobbling around on wheels, sounds irrisistible, doesn't it? I harmlessly flirted a bit, told him I was just starting to date someone, but to keep me in mind. I also ran into the wall in the bathroom (no witnesses other than my embarrased children). Remember those skating parties, WHY do they make the bumpy SLICK floors always slant downhill???? Basically it sounded like this, "bumpa bumpa bumpa bumpa OH CRAP! bumpa bumpa bumpa WHAM owwwwwww DAMMIT!"

SO, where was all this when I was wanting a date all last month? Ah well, I have been rewarded for my patience (ok, so I wasn't patient I just didn't give a crap any longer.)

BACK to yummyboyland. Ok, that needs another name, it gives me an image of Michael Jackson and his Neverland, ick. YUMMY JEFF, oh Lordy Lordy Lordy. Well, we have talked each evening or day since I met him. I am normally NOT a phone person. I barely EVER talk on the phone even to my dearest friends longer than a few minutes. I just don't do it. I'm enjoying learning about this guy. I had a million things going on this last weekend, so he asked me out for dinner Sunday night. We went to J. Alexanders for steak and wine and it was WONDERFUL! It was weird being on an "actual date" instead of just meeting somewhere casually. It was nice though. We ended up back at his house, sitting on the couch listening to music and talking. I gotta say, this man sets my blood afire. Last time, the big kiss started with the hand in the hair at the back of my neck. This time I got the TWO HANDED combo kiss as the start to our evening...the one hand in my hair at the back of my neck and the other hand cradling my face along the jaw line pulling me into him......OH LORD, how do you resist that????

The other day we met for about an hour at a Panera's and I was knitting as I was waiting for him to show up. He said not to put it away as he thought it was sexy. So we sat & chatted & drank our drinks (green tea for me, BLACK coffee for him--none of that fat-free double latte crap, no, just the manly plain old coffee) and I knitted on the tempting sweater and he put my feet in his lap and massaged them while we talked. HEAVEN is actually here on earth, apparently. Since this is the SAME sweater with the easy 2X2 rib that I had to frog the ENTIRE thing back when we were having one of our first long phone conversations, you would have thought I learned my lesson, wouldn't you???? Nope. Apparently I am not able to knit ANYTHING harder than straight knit on circs as I realized last night that somehow I flipped the ribbed tube I'd knitted inside out and now have the first loose threads from joining the 2nd ball on the outside and the 3rd ball join threads on the inside. There's also a lovely twisted stitch only about 6" down from where I'm now at. I think it's fixable, I'm leaving the damn twisted stitch and its little hole it created and will put it in the back or under an arm or something.

My new theory on men...You used to be able to tell how a man was in bed by the way he danced. Since I'm a few years past the old college days of bar-hopping, that info just isn't as helpful to us women of today. Now that I'm in my late 30's, I need to find a new way to go hmmmmmm. So, I think that the way men drive should be an indicator of how they are in bed.

So far here's my ideas....
Those guys driving the pimped-up hotrods that rev at the stoplight and then go screaming off only to slam on the brakes for the next light--I'm guessing all talk and no walk, wham-bam, thank you ma'am and done before the lady gets her engine revved.

The careful drivers, those men that keep 2 hands on the wheel, drive right under the speed limit, follow all the rules--I'm guessing the careful and dutiful husband-type, sex on Wed. and Sat. nights, not bad in bed, but very predictable.

Jeff drives with one hand on the wheel, wide range of music in the mp3 player, and takes the scenic route wherever he goes just to see different sites. Makes me think, hmmmmmm scenic routes are good. We'll see.

The theory makes sense, though, doesn't it?

Felted Groove Bag

THIS IS NOT A REAL PATTERN, this is the mutation of an existing idea created by another knitter, linked below to Mason-Dixon Knitting. I just had lots of bloggers wanting to know how I made my little version of the mutated buttonhole bag. Knit at your own peril. I love the Schaefer Esperanza for its color pooling, but you really have to mess around to get the right effects. If you don't like how it looks pre-felting, you won't like it post-felting, so feel free to frog & try again until you like the look. (I learned this the hard way and created the Felted Turd by mistake). Esperanza is really more of a wintertime yarn, perfect for scarves & hats, so you either have to call your LYS and see if they have any in their sale bins, or order online. Let me know if you get stuck and I'll see what I can do for you. :)

OK, here it is, FINALLY...actually here it isn't, this is the unofficial how-to on the Felted Groove Bag. I'll have an actual pattern you can print out with specs and everything soon. I was just so stinking excited it finally worked, I wanted to get the idea down here first. This bag came about as I was consumed by the cool buttonhole bag from Mason-Dixon Knitting, and I just started playing around and created this fun bag and have had lots of requests for how I did it.

There is an easy way to do this and a more difficult way. I promise to get better details up here soon. To get this amazing effect, I used Schaefer Esperanza hand painted yarn and 16" circular needles sized 13. Knit with one strand throughout. This yarn is a chunky weight alpaca and is VERY fuzzy/hairy and felts very well. I used about 250 yds, and the Schaefer yarn comes in 300 yd skeins.

Cast on between 76 and 100 stitches but make sure it's an even number. To get the cool color pooling, you need to have the last stitch you cast on be the same color as the first stitch. join, place marker and knit for 12 rounds. During the 12th row, you need to place an additional marker half-way through the round. (Equal number of stitches on each half.)

You will need to bind off 18 stitches exactly in the center of each half of the next round. (For example, on my yellow & purple diagonal striped bag, I had 76 stitches. This meant I knit 10, bound off 18, knit 10, moved marker, knit 10, bound off 18, knit 10, moved marker.)

The next round you will cast on (long-tail thumb wrap method works best) the 18 stitches where you had bound them off on the previous round. (my example of 76 original stitches makes this round: knit 10, cast on 18, knit 10, move marker, knit 10, cast on 18, knit 10, move marker)

Knit for about 12-13 more inches, then create bottom.

You can either do 9 rounds of purl & knit or you can do a mitered bottom. I'll have the pattern specs show instructions for both. Here, I'll show what I did on the yellow & purple bag:
Bottom:
round 1 purl
round 2 knit
round 3 purl
round 4 knit
round 5 purl
round 6 knit
round 7 purl
round 8 knit
round 9 purl

TURN BAG INSIDE OUT, then do a 3 needle bind-off to give a smooth and strong finish. If you made the bottom as listed above, you'll need to sew the gussets on the bottom corners of the bag. Sew in loose yarn strands, then fold the outer edges of the bottom of the bag into little triangles and sew along the first purl edge (about 3" from point) on each side. Tack this down and you're ready to felt. Turn it right side out, toss it in the washing machine and have fun!

Felt by normal methods but I STRONGLY RECOMMEND using a zippered pillow case as opposed to a lingerie bag as there's some SERIOUS fuzzies coming off this felting process. FELT THE CRAP out of the bag to give it more structure. I find that felting to where you cannot see stitches any longer gives it much better shape. It is important to find a box that stretches the bottom a bit while it is sitting drying. This helps give a more stable bottom for the bag. Feel free to pull and stretch bag into whatever shape works best for you. To help keep the shape, give it a good dose of steam to set things up once it's dry.

The Schaefer Esperanza does a really cool pooling effect, but if you want to shake thigs up a bit feel free to pull parts of the yarn and knot it to mess up the color scheme a little. This can make for some FUN effects. You'll have to sew in these loose ends once the bag is done as well. The yellow & purple diagonal striped bag was just knitted with no messing around with the yarn. The wild bag I made by snipping & restarting yarn at different points, just where I thought it would look interesting.

Again, I apologize for the messiness of this non-pattern, and hope to have something more readable and printable soon. PLEASE send me pics of any bags you make, as I'd love to post them here in a little Felted Groove Bag Gallery!

Pre-Felted Groove Bag:


After Felting: