All together now, "AAAAAAWWWWWWW"

Look what I got last night!

OK, so I was on the phone with yummy Jeff yesterday afternoon, and while talking to him was also trying to figure out how much yarn the new improved felted groove bag used by my crappy noddy or whatever they're called. I'd taped two dowels to the ends of a work table 3 feet apart and was wrapping yarn to see how much of the skein was left. BUT my dang yarn kept falling off or the dowel would wiggle and come loose, so a few curse words slipped out of my mouth (I know, it's hard to imagine that, isn't it?). Jeff asked what the heck I was trying to do over here and I told him I needed to get a 2 X 4 of wood and nail some big tall nails in it so I could wrap and measure my yarn. I also need it for the yarn I'm recycling from a few old sweaters I'm frogging. He said he had some big nails I could use, so if I wanted to stop at his house on my way home from knit club he'd get them out for me. He asked a few more questions about what I wanted to build and I told him I'd just run by Home Depot and pick up a piece of wood & have them cut it but would love his nails.

I got to his place and look what he had for me! It is all measured out exactly 3 feet between the nails and has all the edges sanded and beveled so it won't catch on the yarn. Is that sweet or what?!? He's hot and sweet AND HE MAKES ME STUFF FOR MY KNITTING????? yeah, baby. He felt bad as it was so simple, but I was LOVING it! I then got a beer, a backrub, a kiss goodnight (this one only lasted about 30 minutes) and sent on my way home.

I'm thinking I may have to keep this guy around for a little while.

I'm going to sew in ends of the groove bag, sew the little gusset thing on the bottom and FELT THIS BABY tonight. Keep your fingers crossed that it works out as I think I finally figured out what I did the first time!!!

Here's how my day at work is going so far...

AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

that is all. I'm going to knit club tonight. Chipotle, baby.

It's not the big bosses, they're all being lovely. It's that my assistant has become possessed by the haunting spirits of the horrible ones that used to be here...she's psycho today, WON'T STOP TALKING, GRUNTING, BITCHING, and isn't being very nice at training our new person. I'd help, but I can't keep up with my OWN crap that's majorly behind, so I just told the nice new lady that she's really a kind person, but just gets a bit pissy when she's stressed, so hang in there.

Where was I? OH yeah, AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I think I'm needing a glass or four of wine. get me mellow, nope, just get me outta here. Is it 2:45 yet?

OK, it's 12:35, everyone's at lunch, all is calm, the Smiths Ask is on my little internet radio station, I'm all mellow and much better. Funny how the Smiths singing about the bomb can put you in a better mood, but it works. calm calm calm thoughts. I was actually sitting here with my fingers in my ears as the new lady started talking as much as the asst. and it was chaos over in the corner of the dammed. 2 more hours....

By popular demand, the long post is back!

OK, OK, for those of you NOT interested in my personal dramas, please read the knitting bits and move on. For those of you sweet people who want "more details dammit" and I quote, I'll add a few details after the knit bits.

Knit bits: Here's the re-started-after-frogging-the-whole-damn-thing-because-I-can't-knit-in-pattern-while-flirting-TEMPTING sweater (color is actually golden tan with a hint of yellow, very summery cotton & cashmere blend and soft and should be cute if it ever gets done....what's that up top in the pic? a gauge square or rectangle actually? Yes, the knitting virgin is getting a bit wiser as she gets older. She is tired of making sweaters that DON'T FREAKING FIT! Here's the progress:

Here's the newest felted groove bag in fragglestone esperanza, I think it may turn out pretty cool when it gets done...HOPEFULLY I'll have a damn pattern posted soon, if this one works better than the felted turd, that is...


ENOUGH KNITTING, we want GOSSIP, dammit! OK, So first of all, I'm reading my chinese horoscope on yahoo, and see that at the end of April I'm supposed to fall in love at first sight. I thought, "whoa" (said like Grace on Will & Grace, two syllables, please), and realized though I won't go that far, I HAVE fallen in LUST-with-potential at first sight. I am LOVING this fun, flirty, beginning of relationship crap. I am just having too much fun. I've become so jaded and pessimistic in the romantic area lately that it's nice to just get those little "ooh, look who's calling" butterflies. Corny, I know it, but I love it anyway.

INAPPROPRIATE NON-KNITTING BORING DATE DETAILS FOLLOW, SO CLICK AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT...OK, so first kiss details...Sat. night we went to the comedy club with his best friend and her wife, who I LOVE and connect with immediately. It's like we're old souls, sarcastic yet cute ladies, much like us knit bloggers. Instant bonding. The boys were doomed. We had a blast. We laughed, we went for margaritas and chips at a mexican restaurant later and just laughed some more.

We went back to Jeff's house and suddenly they had to go home to check on the sitter...and then there were two... We go down to his tv room/living room thing (most of the house has no furniture as he just moved into a new house 2 weeks ago) and sit on the couch and listen to the stereo and start to chat about nothing in particular. He leans in, brushes my hair back from my face, takes my face in his hands and lays one on me. OH LORD I about died. I'm telling you, this guy can KISS, LORD LORD LORD. He even did the put his hands in the back of my hair and pull me to him thing that makes me melt like buttah.... I know, I know, the queen of sarcasm is turned into a 50's teenager here, but he's absolutely dreamy. I can't say it any other way. Oh, and there's the sexy mojo thing he's got working, combined with the sweetest and funniest personality too.

A couple hours of kissing, a little exploring, a lot of heavy breathing, I swear being a teenager was never this much fun. It took about ALL my willpower not to throw him on the ground and have my way with him, but I was a pretty good little lady. OK, I was a tramp, but I left with a few shreds of decency.

I will say that in our, shall we say, mash-session, I discovered (BY ACCIDENT--I was NOT groping him or anything, I just HAPPENED to bump up against him in just the right way) that he is quite well endowed. How wrong is it that I said a little silent prayer of thanks? I thought, hey, we're all God's creatures, right? I'm thinking SOMEONE up there decided I just deserved a little more than the average man to make up for some of the crap I've put up with in my life. Who says God's not a chic with a great sense of humor? She/He certainly deserve a little THANK YOU GOD for sending this great guy and his little bonus my way, right? I've actually been banking on the whole "God has a good sense of humor and weighs all the bad stuff I've done versus the good mom credits" for a while now, so one more grain of sand on the scales shouldn't tip me too far over, should it?

ANYWAY, what I like the most about this guy is he's the BEST father. He really puts his kids first and spends TIME with them on his weekends and evenings together, instead of just shuttling them around from place to place. They do the mad soccer practice/games thing with 2 boys, but they also spent Friday night sitting playing monopoly for 3 hours and made a pizza from scratch. He sent them to their mom's for Sat. night as it was Passover and his wife's family had a big celebration. I love that he respects my time with my kids as the most important thing in my life. It could work out to be something more, it might not. I think I'm going into this with the attitude that he's a neat, smart, funny, good dad of one of my son's friends who would be a great friend and if it happens to be something more, that's ok too. WOW, that's a serious step for the relationship-averse Christine I've become. Maybe I'm growing up. (probably not, don't worry)

Today I was on my way to work late this am after a meeting with Joey's doctor and the sad little "cf team" of 3 people (this time last year it was 20 medical professionals & nurses & dr's DAMN CUTBACKS) to convince them he REALLY DOES need oral antibiotics as though they don't entirely take care of his sinus infections, they do help. He's been having more sinus troubles that are starting the cycle of the big infection again. I was feeling kind of frustrated, almost teary and just generally worn out. Jeff called to say "good morning" and asked if I had time for a fast coffee break as I was driving right near where he was finishing up a meeting. We met for 20 min's at Starbucks and I left in the best mood. He listened to me ramble, reassured me and made me laugh. He held my hand on the way to the car and after shutting my door, kissed me genlty and sent me on my way. It was very sweet. I went on to work in a much better mood, then got the call that they approved Joey for his meds. It turned out to be a nice day even through the cold crappy weather.

OK, enough sappiness, it just seems so strange to me. It's messing with my natural bitchiness. Some crazy guy merged into my lane, actually tried to merge into my blazer, on the way to work, and after I swerved out of his way, he turns and flips ME off. I smiled at him. WTF? I've got to go pinch an old lady or kick a dog or something to equal things out. (don't worry, I really wouldn't do that, well, depending on the old lady and the dog.)

more felted stuff

I've found a skein of Esperanza in the colorway "Fragglestone" and am working up another Felted Groove bag. I think I finally figured out the problems. Because the yarn is hand-dyed, the number of stitches to cast on for the groovy pooling effect varies based on the colors of the yarn. I think taking a week away from all things felted helped clear my brain. I think focusing on the flutters & fun of a new date thing helped too as my little brain was just WORKING IT last night. I figured out all kinds of crap. I've only got about 3 inches of the new & improved bag, so I hope to have something constructive to post here soon.

I'm relaxed, casual and backing off the grand drama of my little date, sorry to you ladies, I was a BIT obsessed. Just a bit. But damn it was fun! Now we're playing it slightly casual, supposed to do lunch this week and maybe go out next weekend, depending on schedules with kids, etc. He's out of town this weekend and I've got lots of family stuff. Dating when you're divorced with kids adds all kinds of fun to the scheduling. I actually really like it as men without kids or men who aren't really involved with their kids seem to be pretty demanding of my time. This guy could be fun....and he's ever so yummy.... I'm actually enjoying the little phone calls I get from Jeff. I'm SO not a phone talking person normally. I had a "good morning" call this am that put me in a warm fuzzy mood... (I know, I'm a dork, can't help it.)

For those of you tired of the drama, I'm a drama queen. Going to the grocery store can set off a tirade. I'm sure I'll find something to get all bent out of shape and crazy about soon. Don't worry.

Work's interesting. The big bosses are in town for a few days, we have a new part-time employee and SHE KNITS!!!! She was wearing this COOL black poncho with a few stripes of color at the end of one of the panels, very stylish. We compared notes, she's pretty new to the obsession that is knitting, but is well on her way, knew all the LYS's, subsribes to a few magazines, but hasn't ever looked online for free patterns....Don't worry, I'm hooking her up with a LONG list of sites. Another knitter! We're EVERYWHERE....bwa ha ha ha haaaa.

I ended up having flowers waiting for me on my desk today as well as my assistant and the new employee. I said "huh?" and was told they were for administrative assistants' week. I thought, oh, maybe I got demoted without knowing, and then the local bossman came in and said he just didn't want me to be left out with everyone else here having flowers. That was pretty nice. The owners are all smiles & happy to see me. If you didn't know the history of this place, you'd think it was a normal office. It's a bit "twilight zone"ish here, but then, so am I. It's scary when you realize you fit in in a strange environment.

best first kiss ever

In the history of man, or the history of Christine (which has a long, long history) the evening ended with the most amazing kiss. I can't even describe it. Unfucxing believable. It never actually stopped until I left to go home and it had a few fringe benefits.

All in all, unfucxing believable.

Oh Lordy Lordy, the # of dates needed has now been changed to 2. Hey, I made it through one date. That is more than humanly possible after that kiss.... Did ANYONE actually expect me to make it home not tramped up? seriously?

Trying not to get some tonight....

OK, FAST post today, as it takes a LONG ASS TIME to get this slug of a person I've become back in dating-readiness. There's plucking, shaving, trimming, filing, primping, poofing, cussing, makeuping and all the rest. It's not too bad once you're in top form, then it's more just maintaining the good looking chic thing. But, once things have, well, lets's just say drifted away from the high maintenance thing, it takes a LOT OF FREAKING EFFORT. cripes.

I've now run into Jeff 3 times. 2 of the 3 I've been in good ol' Christine attire, ball cap pulled down low, cut-off jean/capri things with holes in them and some ugly shapeless shirt. He still seems intrigued by me, so I'm hoping to knock his socks off tonight....or any other item of clothing I can knock of....

Girls night out last night down in the hood with 4 little Asian girls and "white girl". Yup, sounds safe, no? East of 31st & Main is a wonderful part of town to go walking through at 11:30 at night. sure. We did some serious shots of foo foo crap at the Budha Bar and laughed and talked and everyone got stipper names for the night. I was Candi, there was also Bambi, Po (or Ho as she ended up), Laquitia and Honey. God I love these girls, they really adopted me into their little group and take good care of me. And they make me drink. :)

I'm off to go watch Scooby Doo with the kiddo's, I'm giving up on the girly thang. I got the toes happening, smooth legs, at sharp attitude, what else could I need? Oh a condom. (Just kidding San Antonio, I'm going to be a good girl for a while) My girls decided a 3 date minimum before I can unleash the tramp inside.....

OH, right, this is a KNITTING blog, I keep forgetting. Knitting info...I now have 6" on the damn sweater rib done yesterday and this am while recovering momma was sitting and two hyper kids were playing in the tubes at Burger King, a little KIP is always a good thing...AND Jeff's Grandmother knits and is always sad that no one in the family will learn from her. She's got rheumatoid arthritis but still works with little bitty needles doing doilies and tablecloths, afghans and the like. Just kind of a neat note.

Knitting and Phone Flirting do NOT mix for the Knitting Virgin

Well, last night I'm sitting watching tv, waiting for my Daily Show to start, kids are in bed, all is calm. Phone rings. Guess who? Yup, Jeff! He emailed his address for me earlier in the day and the subject line was "nice toes". THANK YOU SESSY TOES LADY! Plans have changed Sat. night from a casual get-together at his house that his friends organized previous to our date to now we're going to the comedy club with his best friend and his wife and then out for a few drinks afterwards. I am not normally a phone kind of person. I talk all the freaking time in person or blogging, but not so much on the phone. We talked for almost 2 hours.

As we're talking, I'm knitting away on my Tempting sweater, it's the easiest sweater on the face of the earth. You think I could do it, right? 2X2 rib, knit 2, purl 2, knit 2, purl 2, never ending cycle, knit on circs so there's not even any turns, just knit, purl, repeat. easy, huh? APPARENTLY NOT. I kept knitting 3 stitches by mistake, have to go back & frog and frogging rib is something I have to think about, as I kept ending up with twisted stitches. I'd get things straightened out, and a few minutes later, find another freaking twisted stitch. I'm trying not to say "MOTHER FUXXER" on the phone to the new prospective hunk as I'm sure that's a turn-off on the first few phone conversations to have the woman cussing like a drunk sailor.

We talked and talked and laughed and laughed...I'm telling you, this guy could be SERIOUSLY fun... and then I let fly a word or two quietly at a part of the conversation that it really wasn't appropriate...he got really REALLY quiet. I said, oh, um, I'm knitting and not doing a very good job of it, sorry... Once he realized I wasn't cussing at the fact that he is not a good dancer, but not afraid to try once he gets a couple of drinks in him, all was good. I ended up RIPPING the ENTIRE 6" of ribbing out and starting over. Had I learned my lesson? Did I pick up a simple garter stitch scarf? NO. I recast on and started over. What do we think happened??? Let's just say after two hours of talking the total knitting I'd accomplished on the sweater was NEGATIVE 7 INCHES I not only had to rip the original 5" done, but the 2" I'd done during the phone call. I am now the proud knitter with 144 stitches cast on and NOTHING done.

But, oh lord it was fun.... OK, so the skinny on the guy... He's only been divorced for 2 years (ugh), is a chemist, smart, funny, the best dad, SEXY (Oh LORD he's SEXY), and likes all kinds of music from country to rap to big band swing (he said that one before hearing about my strange musical tastes and love of the big band era), laid back, likes comedy shows, is very slightly uncomfortable around gay men, but not prejudiced as a lot of his ex-wife's friends were gay (actually a good thing as in my past I've attracted more than my share of not-quite-out-of-the-closet men so I had to rule that one out), and did I say he was yummy? I promised Jildo I would NOT say he's pretty, but he is.

I'm off to get my sessy toes did. I'm telling you, this dating crap is kind of fun...what to wear...little butterflies....all that crap. I'm all aflutter. I'm going to have to be on my good behavior as I have to remember he's a DAD at the same preschool as my son. You can't be a total tramp and jump the guy immediately and then show up for a sing & dance circle time with the kids. Can't you imagine how WEIRD it would be to have to do the hokey-pokey with the kids after doing the pokey-pokey with one of the other dads?

WOOOO FREAKING HOOOOO!!!!!

I HAVE A DATE!!!!!! Alert the presses!!!!! Holy CRAP!!!

Ok, I was worried about this guy being a bit too nice. Actually I was worried I'd snap him like a twig, (both emotionally and physically). BUT I just got off the phone with him on a 20 minute conversation that was SO MUCH FUN!!! He was even able to dish a little trash, very lightly, and I love his laugh! God, I've got to do this more often!

We're going out Sat. night, CAN'T FREAKING WAIT, can you tell I'm a tiny bit excited? OH LORD he's yummy too! I think my problem is the little dating I've done lately has all been on my terms, with no risk anywhere of real feelings, totally boring yet safe kind of stuff. I may have to live a little!

Ok, One more WOOOOO HOOOOOO for the road!
(no I have no life, yes I am too excited, no I don't really care!)

The Illustrated Daily Scribble

OH HOLY HELL, I have found my daily read.... You MUST GO HERE. First of all, I got official permission to post the comic below, it's copyrighted, etc. Click the cartoon for a larger, more legible read. Then click the link to go to my new FAVORITE SITE! I was cracking up going through the archives, there are some seriously funny drawings about the Condoleeza Rice thing, A little "Iraquiti Daquiti sat on a wall...." parody on a mug that I'm going to have to buy. I'm telling you, this stuff is FUNNY and intelligent and political and all that good stuff. GO THERE AND READ. :)

The Illustrated Daily Scribble

I met a boy.....and he's very nice....

I'm in a good funky mood today! So, last night's function at my son's preschool was kind of fun. I knew there was one of the divorced dads who was interested in me and our little preschool teachers (crackup ladies in their late 50's with ATTITUDES) have been trying to play match-maker. I followed my munchkins in and this cute guy (let's call him Jeff) introduces himself (I'd had him pointed out to me before and he said "hi" the other day when I was in the midst of a bad-hair, bad-attitude, hat day) and shakes my hand and says "hi Christina". I actually do NOT like that name, but it sounded so nice I almost melted, I didn't even say anything about it. (How dorky am I?) My son runs up and hugs his son and decides he wants to sit next to "Bennie". Joey puts "ie" on the end of everyone's name. We sit with two noisy boys between us until they run off and are chased by my daughter. We're chatting away and he's SO STINKING CUTE and SWEET and NICE and then his ex-wife sits down at the end of the row, a few seats away from him. Apparently she's dating someone pretty seriously, but they still get together for family events and stuff. Both teachers have assured me that she wouldn't mind if Jeff dates someone, but it was still a bit uncomfortable for me. She's not one of those women that smile very often and she is a bit scary on a good day. After the beginning songs we went on into the classrooms and went to sit with our kids at different parts of the room. We did the occasional looking at one another and looking away thing like we were 12. It was FUN.

I was NOT my normal obnoxious OVERLY OUTGOING self. I was demure. really. it happens. once in a while. I have been told in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS from a few close friends that I need to rein in the personality a bit so I don't scare these poor boys off. I'm not changing who I am, I REFUSE to do that for a man as I learned that lesson LONG AGO and learned it well. I just was a bit more reserved. really. I can do that. Russell doesn't believe me, but I can.

ANYWAY, he's SO not my type of guy I've been dating off & on for the last few years. My normal type is Italian or with that manly, self-confident, overbearing personality, big physically like a high school athelete that has just started to go to chub, with an obnoxious sense of humor. I know, how is it that I've not been in a serious relationship lately? :) But it's been fun for dates. Jeff is a runner (crap!), which means he's REALLY in shape, but not all big & buff. He's got all his hair, the sweetest smile and gorgeous eyes. The only problem is I've turned to chub and am about 30 lbs from my ideal weight. I like a guy to be able to pick me up and carry me away. (OK, so I've got a cave-man problem here probably) and though he's not skinny by any means, I would NOT want to be going to the swimming pool with our kids together. nope, not me, not yet. He's a little taller than me (good for dancing) and just very yummy.

I figure I could use a new friend if nothing else. I'm going to see what happens, but OH HE'S CUTE! It could be fun. YES I'm a dork, NO I don't have much of a life that this little high school stuff is taking over my knitting posts, yes I'm inflicting my little details on you poor readers!

Knitting news, I went looking for more esperanza yarn and it's tough to come by. I found some at a LYS in Tennessee, and may order it there, but have a few more online sources to check first as they were pretty pricey. I now have 5 inches of the 2X2 rib for the tempting sweater from Knitty. It's taking FOREVER. NOW I know why I have not knitted any sweaters, no patience. The good thing about felted bags is they go SO FAST! GOD how do you people make socks with size 1 and size 0 needles?????????

I saw the CUTEST little newborn hat made of one skein of Lorna's laces on size 0 needles. I was tempted, but resisted. I may have to try some out. My brother's wife is expecting their first baby in September, so maybe I'll make one.

I'm NOT knitting any more bags for one week.

Remember the lovely felted groove pre-felted pic I posted yesterday? Cute, no? Well, the after 2 washed pic looks the SAME as somehow I made the thing out of non-felting wool. Yup, I'm very pleased with myself. The yarn I used for the GOOD felted groove bag was Schaefer Esperanza, but I got it from the discount basket at my LYS and it didn't have the color name still attached. It was a green & yellow mixture of a color, I'm guessing from one of the older colorways as it's not on the current Schaefer website. I went back to the LYS but the last bit of esperanza walked out the door a day before I got there. :( I tried to use the Schaefer Elaine (my bumpy yarn I use for cool scarves) but APPARENTLY it doesn't felt. It's 99% wool and 1% nylon and something happened to it so it didn't do anything but get a tiny bit fuzzy. I don't even know if I can frog it and make a scarf with it or not. I am walking away from anything resembling a purse for at least one week. I have a serious addiction to felting bags it seems. I just started the Tempting from the last issue of Knitty in a pretty light golden yellow cotton & cashmere blend and have about 2 inches of the ribbing done on sz 8 needles. I'm going to order some more Esperanza from an online store and work some more on my felted groove bag, but I'm guessing it'll be a week or two before I get it here. Anyone had good luck ordering online? Any stores to recommend? I love the pooling of the schaefer yarn and really want to make more and get my pattern completed.

Diaramas will be the death of me. I swear if my daughter's teacher assigns ONE MORE FREAKING DIARAMA to be "created at home" I may have to get violent. seriously. I'm running out of shoe boxes and have no more tape, construction paper, ink in the printer, or creativity left in my brain. It's so bad that I used up all my regular shoe boxes from Target or whatever this year and it's down to the good stuff. I'm NOT giving up my nice shoe boxes. I now have one-half of one closet organized. My nice winter shoes are in their little boxes on the bottom of each shelf with the summer nice shoes sitting on top of each shelf. It's a pretty sight. I even went out to Target to get ANOTHER pair of cute mule strappy things JUST to have a shoe box I will give up for this crap. We had to create a rainforest and the box had to be entirely green inside and out. We painted over a series of days so it'd dry for the next step. We had to use ACTUAL little rainforest animals, no colored and cutout papers allowed, so we went out to walmart and Michael's and WHERE do you find little animals that live in the rainforest? We found safari animals, farm animals, sharks, fish, but NO STINKING RAINFOREST ANIMALS. We settled for a tube full of frogs of many colors. Beth wasn't too happy, but it was either that or paint a bunch of cows and sharks to look like something else. I suppose we could have created them from play-doh, but we only had 3 days and my patience level was pretty damn low. Box completed, delivered today. So far, we've done boxes of the ocean, a lake, the African desert, the great plains, the solar system and now the rainforest. There shouldn't be any form of life we have yet to do and not much time remaining in school, so I'm crossing my fingers.

I was looking forward to coming to knitting group tonight, but CAN'T MAKE IT AGAIN. Joey's got a school function I thought was TOMORROW night, so I'll be there from 7-8:30, then home to put kiddos to bed. I have GOT to get back on my little Franklin planner thing, as I'm forgetting EVERYTHING lately. I used to live by it, now I'm living by the seat of my pants, but I've either lost my touch or I'm getting old fast.

BAD hair day, not very motivated to work. I think Colleen said it best, the scariest thing about our little Kansas Attny General is that the guy spells his name with 2 L's. How freaky is that? Phill ????

Beauty Tip of the Day

If you sneeze immediately after applying SERIOUSLY waterproof mascara in the car (at a stoplight, don't freak out people), LOOK IN A FREAKING MIRROR. I'm all cute today, good hair, wearing my new MS/babypoop green shoes with my sexy toes and a matching MS/babypoop green sweater over a white tank top, found my good lipgloss, I'm WORKING IT BABY...and kept getting all these looks from men this am on the way to work. I had a look or two in the car at stoplights, getting gas, pouring the am diet coke, and thought I was just too hot for KS. Then I get to work and my assistant asks me if I'm working on a new way to lenghten my eyelashes. I say huh? look in the mirror and I look like a damn film star from the silent movies. Both eyes had all these eyelash marks under my eye from the sneeze. Yup, too sexy for Kansas. I'm sure I've broken some religious law or something, better alert our attorney general to forward his personal views using our tax dollars to come & arrest me. Don't ask me how the fact that I'm looking like a freak can get me pissed at Phill Kline. Just breathing can get me pissed at Phill Kline.

ANYWAY, thanks for the idea Camille, I'm afraid the felted turd is too ugly for saving with flowers or embellishments unless I make something larger than the entire purse to put it into. I may felt it even more and then use it to cut up and make felted flowers out of. nah, I'll probably keep it as a testament to the uglier side of felting. It was so ugly I erased the pic the other day, so I'll take a pic to prove its ugliness. How do these desinging knitters do this??? I think this one is too fat and too short, but we'll see. I think I'm going back to the original design, except I can't remember what I did anymore and didn't write notes as I wenta long as I didn't expect it to work out so cool! Here's the newest pre-felted Felted Groove:

Here's what our little family has been up to lately:

building the soap box derby car with Grandpa

going down the hill


She likes to drive fast, just like her mama


We can't throw away any cardboard because my son has to make his "creations." We have cars, airplanes, rocketships, etc made out of boxes. This is his version of a boy/robot after he fell over:


Helping Grandpa in the backyard with his own little wheelbarrow:


So, now that I've decided I'm ready to date again, I have NO DATES. WTF? Men were coming out of the air before when I was in my "tired of men" phase and now NOTHING. Cripes. I'm too old for this crap. Actually, I'm not. I'm ready to be a 60 yr old woman dancing the hours away with the little old men hopped up on viagara. ANYWAY, one of the divorced dads at my son's preschool asked for my number and asked about me. I thought that was odd, and then when I saw one of Joey's teachers was blushing I said, WHAT???? and she admitted she's been working to set us up. Now I'm back to the "will he call? won't he call?" crap. OH MY GOD this SUCKS! I gave up on Dealership-man, never heard from him, if he tells me I smell nice when I bring in my car for the next oil change I'm either going to hit the man or ask him out MYSELF. I was always an assertive young woman who asked guys out when I was young (I know, it's hard to imagine me as assertive, isn't it?) but it doesn't feel right now. I either need to go on a date or go get drunk with my friends and dance all night and get this out of my system. Girls night out is this Friday night with my asian group and we're heading out to the clubs, so that may be my night.

A learning experience

You know how with the magic of felting, the item goes into the washing machine looking like the ugly duckling, and emerges as the graceful swan? Not this time. Every change I made to the felted groove bag did not work. This combined with the BUTT UGLY color pattern of the esperanza yarn I used (Hermione--kids colorway) which would be perfectly nice for a scarf or kids hat or something, turned my lovely bag into a giant FELTED TURD WITH HANDLES. The beat goes on...I now am closer to the original pattern, went the opposite way on my fixes and hope to have the newest model into the washing machine tonight or tomorrow and a pattern posted here soon.

My daughter is now a soap box derby racer! She & Grandpa Joe built the car and we all went to the track yesterday and tried it out. I was a bit concerned about whether she'd go down the hill or not, but she jumped into the car and was off like a champ. She made it down the hill about 8 times for practice and LOVED it! I'll post some pics tonight hopefully. We had a BLAST! Our first race is in mid-May, so we'll see. Joey was just DYING to go down the hill, but the SBD is very safety-minded, so no go. They have a big car for adults they bring out on the big race day for fun, so Joey may get to go down with Grandpa then. He's counting the days until he turns 8 years old.

Gorgeous weekend here in KC. We spent most of it outdoors, playing 2 square, riding bikes, mowing the lawn, soap box building/testing, and I even snuck out for Mexican food with Mark & Russell to catch up on all the gossip. It was really a nice weekend.

True tales of preschool drama

First the knitting bit. My Felted Groove 2 is about the butt-ugliest thing I've seen. I'm NOT too pleased with the variageted yarn I am using, but want to test out my pattern changes & felt it and so I should have it ready for the washing machine tonight. Cross your fingers... I had a pic, but my laptop decided to not behave itself, so no pics today.

TRUE STORY....
Each child at my son's preschool gets a "me week" where parents, grandparents, siblings, dogs, etc. come to be shown off. The child gets a big boost of "YEAH YOU" kind of thing, very good for self esteem, etc, very difficult for parents to come up with enough crap for a week. On Thursday, my dad (Grandpa Joe) went and read a book called Diary of a Worm and handed out gummy worms for everyone to eat. Then he stayed for lunch. At lunch, there's three tables of 5 yr olds and two teachers, so the guest gets his/her own table to sit at on the little bitty chair with the rest of the kiddos. [My dad is a gentle soul, and blushes at the thought of any impropriety. (Don't really know how he's survived me all these years). He couldn't even tell me this story, mom had to tell me with dad sitting there blushing last night...] Well, at the little lunch table conversations go wild. Imagine 8 little 5 yr olds and one grownup. My dad's works in pharmaceudical research, and one of the little girls at the table said "I wanna be a scientist when I grow up"...another little girl said "I wanna get big boobs"...the next said "I have boobs, see?" and pulled up her little shirt to show her friends and my dad. In seconds, all the little kids (boys and girls) are showing their little boobs to each other and the discussion of do boys have boobs? started. Dad's dying now, trying his best to change the subject. He gets everyone to put their shirts back down and steers the conversation to cartoons. He relaxes a moment, then one little boy said "my mom has REALLY BIG BOOBS" and another girl said "my mom has REALLY REALLY BIG BOOBS" all the little kids are using hand gestures to show just how big their mommas are and Dad said he was afraid the teachers were going to think he was a perverted old man, so he's freaking out. I guess Dad about lost it when Joey (my boy) said "my mom's boobs are not very big" and used his hands right up against his shirt to show. Dad said his mind went blank and all he could think of was sports. sports. sports. no boobs. sports. Finally he got them talking about t-ball, soccer, and the like.

I was ROLLING on the ground at this point of the story, my mom had tears running down her face from laughing so hard and my dad was STILL blushing so bad his bald head was red too. I asked what the teachers said about all this and he said they never heard any of it, he finished lunch, thanked the teachers and ran for his truck in a cold sweat.

Funny thing is, a few of those mommas have had some help from plastic surgery, so the kids weren't far off in their estimations. Poor Grandpa Joe.

Vicki, for some reason my slow computer won't load your page today, and I wanted to say I've had that bare naked lady's song in my head ALL NIGHT and ALL DAY, but it's a good thing.....If I had a million dollars...if I had a million dollars....my fave part of the song is "I'd buy you some art.....a Picasso or a Garfunkel". Now realizing I only know maybe two lines of the whole song, repeat those two lines for 3 to 9 hours, and you'll be in my head too! GOOD TUNES!

I am officially living in crazytown USA

Maybe I'm the crazy one and everyone else is normal. If so, I don't wanna be normal.

First, the knitting part...Apparently not all the schaefer esperanza hand painted yarns do the cool funky color pooling thing. I started a new trial of my bag that I'm now calling the "Felted Groove" in a colorway in the kids colors called "Hermione" to test out the changes to make the bag easier and more sturdy. The yarn has a lot more colors, and shorter lengths of each color, and really does more of a mottled appearance. I was disappointed, but it still looks cool. Just not funky. I want to work out a few kinks so I'm going to finish it, photo it and then choose a color with fewer colors. I think that was the key. Hoping to have all the details on here by Monday. I'll also post the best colors to pick to get the groovy look.

Back to crazytown...a few of the things going on around me lately:

#1 the crazy ernie laugh is back. This is for the old dungeon dwellers to understand. creeps me out bigtime.

#2 my assistant is trying to convince me that "God wrote the Bible." I should know enough NOT TO TALK about things like this, but my mouth and my brain are not always connected. I said, "God picked up a pencil?" in a joking tone. She thought I was serious. Yes, apparently he possessed these men and wrote the Bible, every word, but she worded it differently. After mentioning that a belief in each and every word exactly as it is written doesn't work either as the Bible was not written in English and has been translated and modified. Oh Lord, that set her off on a strange tangent. My brain said "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP DAMMIT" to my mouth and I quit talking other than "uh huh" and "oh" and she went on for at least 45 minutes straight. Now she feels the need to save my soul. I agreed she was right (hey, I had to get some work done) and told her my soul's already doomed to purgatory as I'm Catholic, don't worry. I'll be there until enough little kids are forced to pray for me to bump my way out.

But now I'm screwed as little kids don't have to do all that scare & tactics the way I was raised. I don't even know if kids are taught about Purgatory now, do Catholics even believe that anymore? I've kind of created my own little religion where I just try to do more good than bad, accept and help others, and go to Mass once in a while just for the extras. Cripes even the confession is a piece of cake now. They all say their MODIFIED prayer of a few sentences that now MAKES SENSE instead of my old Act of Contrition that I STILL can't say without missing a step or two...and then they talk to a nice Priest about what they will do in the future to avoid wrong acts and you know what my daughter got as penance? Instead of coming out of "the box" and spending 45 minutes on my knees reciting Hail Mary's, Our Fathers and a couple other prayers I don't remember any more, my daughter had to help me with the dishes that night. WHAT?!!?? OK, I am all for the new, improved Catholicism and making religion accessible and understandable and more useful, but a little bit of me misses the good ol' doily-on-the-head days where you didn't understand a lot of what was going on, but the mystery and awesomeness was almost overwhelming....(Yes, I realize it is a stretch to think I'll end in purgatory instead of somewhere much worse --my brother always told me Dante'd have to create a special layer of Hell just for the things I've done-- but I still believe God has a sense of humor, and those extra points of Good Mom-dom will hopefully cancel a lot of the not-so-good stuff out, plus if God's a chick, I'm THERE BABY!)

#3 My daughter is all excited about her field trip to the local high school's science lab. She is going to pet bunnies, hold snakes and let a big fuzzy tarantula crawl on her hand and arm. On Saturday, while driving Jill's van down the road a spider the size of a straight pin's head landed on my son's leg and he let out a scream the likes of which I haven't heard in 25+ years. Many tears, screams, sobs later my daughter smooshed the thing, we stayed on the road barely and I had tears streaming down my face as it was the funniest thing I'd heard since my little brother (the tall, dark, quiet, dignified one) let out a scream of such a high pitch when we went down the big hill at the end of the log ride at Six Flags or somewhere when he was about 6 years old. In all my years and all the screams I've heard, nothing has ever come close to these two. I almost wet myself I laughed so hard. (Yes, I know a good mom probably wouldn't be laughing at her own child's fear, but oh Lord, you didn't hear it.) Since then we've talked about how spiders are actually good as they eat bugs, etc. But then he asked "mommy, then why do you squish spiders?" We determined spiders INSIDE get squished by Mom, while spiders OUTSIDE are good. Then his school read that book "be nice to spiders" or something. damn schools, I was just getting past the "mom, my teachers said yellow lights mean slow down" crap.

#4 I think I'm going camping and canoe-ing three times now this summer. Yes, I like air conditioning, yes my boy screams like a girl around spiders, yes I'm lazy, no I really don't know what I was thinking at the time, but beer was involved in the planning each time. Maybe that had something to do with it.

#5 I got a phone call from an old metrosexual friend/boyfriend wannabe I hadn't heard from in about 2 years. I'd gotten a new phone since the last time I talked with him and didn't put the number in my new phone. He's got the same first name as the guy I was HOPING would call me from the dealership/flirty/thing last week. I started talking thinking it was the guy I WANTED to talk to and ended up setting up a lunch date before realizing IT WAS THE WRONG GUY!!! I ended up tactfully getting out of it, but cripes. THEN it got me thinking, why hasn't my flirty guy called? and I really REALLY hate all that will he/won't he crap of dating.

#6 I'm now officially adddicted to the new Little House on the Prairie on Disney on ABC Sat. nights. I was all excited to watch the 3rd night (from 4/9) and realized it didn't record on our Time Warner I-control thing (tivo wannabe system) and it ruined my whole afternoon. Yes, I'm a grown woman and Yes I was all pissed off for a few hours.

#7 I'm all alone in this big ass basement building. My aunt is sure I'm going to be abducted or something because I write "personal details of your life for psycho's to read" on a blog. She does not have access to my blog, so it's all good. Just the idea that I write about living in the kc area freaked her out so that conversation ended right there. Just for the potential psycho's out there, I'm not actually ALONE, as the office upstairs is full of people and all that. But, still, it's quite creepy down here. I think I heard an echo...echo...echo... Ok, I'm a dork, dork, dork.

back to work. all by my lonesome.

Googlism

WOW! I'm so glad you guys liked the bag! I am loving it, but there's some problems and I'm working on a new & improved "hippy chic bag". I think I'll have an actual pattern up here by Monday, at least that's my goal. If I can figure out how to have the pdf file downloadable I'll do that, if not, I'll do it the old fashioned way. The yarn I used was some Schaefer Esperanza yarn. It's 70% lambswool and 30% alpaca and SO SOFT to use, I almost felt bad felting it, but OH I LOVE THE LOOK! It pools so cool and felts FAST. I am not sure of the color as I got it from the clearance baskets at Knit Wits in Olathe. They have all these cool color combinations. I've got two more skeins at home. The skeins are 8 oz and have about 280 yards in them, so I'd like to figure out how to make 2 bags from one skein. My first bag I posted yesterday was too flimsy, it doesn't hold shape when you put things in it and the buttton holes were a bit too big to work as a purse. It looks great sitting there, but needs some adjustments. I have really had fun thinking how to solve my little problems and the next version will hopefully be closer to a good bag. I am so obsessed with felting, it's like Christmas morning every time I get to open the washing machine!

Have you done this yet? Googlism Search for your name and it compiles a list of items with your name is.... When compiled together, it becomes almost poetic. I found this on David's blog Upsidedown Hippo, where he said he was behind the times as he just found out about it. Well, I'm my usual 4 years behind on fashion and all things hip, so don't feel bad. Here's my favorites from the list:

Christine is...
christine is a beautiful vintage purse with roses
christine is here to stay
christine is my favorite
christine is now a complete wreck but arnie sets about restoring her
christine is no ordinary car
christine is definitely obsessed
christine is a kind and caring with a heart full of love
christine is far more worthy of praise than most other representatives of its genre
christine is the war bride of leonard vole
christine is going to have a lot to answer for to be sufficiently frightening
christine is a femme fatale with a throaty roar
christine is pretty much saying that she knows he loves her
christine is not limited to obscure and goofy nickelodeon shows
christine is a latent witch
christine is keeping a personal diary to record meaningful events and thoughts
christine is a myth buster
christine is the one on the left
christine is a spontaneous girl
christine is an underrated classic

My mutated buttonhole bag

Here's what I finished at my son's soccer game last night. My daughter brought her knitting along and now her friend (another red-haired Elizabeth) is wanting to learn. Her mother is left-handed and knits, but asked if I could teach her daughter next week at the game, so it looks like I've got another little student. I think it would be cool to have a mothers & daughters knitting group, wouldn't it? Oh, crap, then I'd have to organize it, clean the house and all that crap. Maybe I could do a Panera or Borders thing. LATER, maybe this summer we'll start something. Heck, I can't even get to the groups I want to go to NOW. I think I'll just bring DD to the Yarn Store & More on a Thursday evening every so often for now.

Anyway, here's the bag with before & after shots. I am LOVING the psychedelic pattern the schaefer elaine yarn patterned up. Cool! I have about half the skein left, so I'm wanting to make a few changes to the pattern and see how it turns out. If I get something do-able, I'll put the pattern on the blog.

OH I was so proud of my little self! I used a mitered bottom (sounds so scary to novice knitters, but is just decreases on each side of markers) AND I did the three needle bind-off for the middle of the bottom. I was freaking out, put it off, went online and checked the knitting help sites I've got on my blog and it was SO not a big deal. I think I need to learn cables as everyone says they're easy as well. OH I was feeling like a real knitter last night. QUEEN OF THE NEEDLES! Modifying patterns, not afraid to try new things, who is this woman???

LOTS of work to do today, better get busy. dammit.

Today is a bluegrass kind of a day. Misty, cloudy, I'm feeling exceptionally mellow. Here's what I'm listening to if you're feeling bluegrass too.
DeskTopGrass is one of the free online radio stations at live365 where I have my free swing station the Dirty Martini Lounge. Cripes, it's no wonder I never get anything done around here...besides knitting....and eating...

A little knitter

Check it out.....Beth's a knitter....here's her start:

My daughter had a little bit of a rough start, but picked up the knitting stitch FAST! We still have a little problem with a double wrap of yarn once in a while, but the girl was cranking right along! That old rhyme and the Lion Brand kid's needles really helped out!

The rhyme we used was
In through the front door,
run around the back,
peek through the window,
and off jumps Jack

I thought it went pretty well for a first attempt. Joey sat on my lap and did the "run around the back" part for me for a few minutes, but got bored and went back to finger knitting, made a scarf and boots for his little stuffed dog and then went back to batman and spiderman action figures (they're NOT DOLLS, MOM, they're ACTION FIGURES).

The weekend was GREAT! Jildo and I caught up, had fun, talked ourselves blue, laughed, ate and all the rest. We consumed an entire 12 pack of diet coke, and last night played that card game with the president, vice president, beer bitch and asshole with her friends from camp years ago. I can't remember the name, but OH it's a fun old drinking game. Four of us in our late 30's putting away the beer & vodka & pizza & chips, man, it was like the good ol' days! I was just drinking beer, so my head didn't hurt too badly this morning. That game is set up that the president can make up rules as they go along and if you break a rule, you drink. They did the usual ones, can't use anyone's actual name, you have to wave your fingers before picking up your glass, etc. But then JUST TO PICK ON ME, no one could say "pretty". Doesn't sound too tough, does it? Except apparently I've been spending a little too much time talking with Russell lately as every hot man I see is now "ooohhhh, he's pretty." Let's just say it was a tough habit to break. Everyone needs some girl time! I did drink something called a purple Jesus or something like that. It was yummy, but I figured I'd be hurting if I had any more. My rule of thumb, if I drink more than one pretty-colored drink or shot, I'll be barfing a rainbow for the next 2 days. Just good to know.

I did NO knitting WHATSOEVER and did not make it to the yarn shop for the sale. Ah well, I was a good girl, saving my little pennies, making myself use a bit of my stash. But just wait until that tax refund gets here.....tote bags filled with yarn as far as the eye can see? Wouldn't that be a pretty sight? I couldn't find a good Martha Stewart/Clinique green yarn around here, think I'll do some looking online. I don't actually know what I'd make with it, I just think I need some. I'd love to do a spring sweater or something, who knows.

Cute guy from the flirty thing Friday hasn't called yet, but he said "next week sometime." Oh holy hell, am I really sitting here thinking "will he call?" What kind of BS is that? I'm too old for this crap.

Dating again, I guess, maybe, who knows

First of all, the Yarn Shop and More is having a BIG SALE with everything in the store 25% off. You can't use your punch cards during the sale this weekend but it's a heck of a good deal.

WELL CRAP. I guess I'm back in the dating realm of life again. I haven't exactly decided yet. I've been "thinkin on it" for a while now, and it's weird, like the thinking itself just started balls rolling. I said GOODBYE, NO MORE FLIRTING WITH ME PLEASE to both metrosexual men I keep running into in our circle of friends. I am NO LONGER dating men who want me to see how they decorated their condo's, how the couches match, only drinking coffee from beans they let air and then ground themselves exactly 20 minutes before, clothes prettier than mine, ick. If I want to go shopping with a man, I'll take my gay dear friend. It's a lot more fun anyway. That man could put any rich girl to SHAME in the way he can cover a mall, no make that 4-5 malls, targets, shoe warehouses, LORD HELP YOU if you tag along to a doll show....anyway. Metrosexuals, just say NO.

Yesterday my blazer needed a new part and the dealership's services manager that handles my family's stuff and I have flirted casually for about 2 years now. Always before he's not quite asked me out and I've not quite encouraged him. Until now....(scary music kicks in here...bam bam bbbaaaammmm) I was always dating Italian Stallion or Young Boi or in my latest phase of NO DATING WHATSOEVER, until I thought to myself, self, this man is yummy. He's got a good job, he's fun to be around, he's manly (can fix stuff, likes racing, tools and other manly stuff), but looks good in his business casual outfits, and has nice manners, hmmmm. WTF? Why not? SO, long story short (who am I kidding, I can't tell a short story to save my life, sorry readers) when I drop off the truck yesterday am, he leans in and tells me I smell nice. (Gotta love that Elizabeth Arden Red Door, I've worn it for years, but it still gets me the men...) I smile demurely (YES I can do that once in a while, I'm not always a rude, opinionated, agressive woman I appear--ok, I really am, I can just fake it once in a while, what good girl can't?) ANYWAY, he gets me the shuttle guy to drive me home, tells him to take good care of me, we flirt and a little light laughter later, I'm off to home, feeling good.

The long part of the story comes in that I needed to be back at the dealership picking up the truck by 2:30pm to get my kids picked up in time to avoid lost, little red-headed chitlins crying by the side of the road...ok, they probably would have taken them back into the school, but still I always go to the dramatic side of things... Shuttle man has an emergency..."Miss Christine....I'm so sorry, but I can't get back to get you in time..." well crap. Call my flirty friend at the dealership to see what options there are as all my neighbors are GONE and I've got no way there as KC has the WORST taxi system on the face of the earth and I'm basically screwed. This all happens at 2:00, so I'm a bit stressed. Get ready to call other moms to see who can pick up the kids, but John says stay home, I'll be right there. (superhero music now...da da da DA..). John gets someone to cover for him, picks me up, I tell him he's the best, he tells me I'm the best....GOD I LOVE flirting. I should get paid for that, oh right, that sort of thing's illegal and I'd have to have sex with icky men, ok scratch that. Anyway, I have to run (literally) to get to the school on time, he gets everything ready, runs next to me to the car, shuts the door and gives my arm that little lingering touch thing, (GOD I LOVE FLIRTING) I give him my business card with my cell # on it (I'm smooth, baby) and tell him I owe him a beer or four. He says, only if he can buy me a beer or four..... :) What a fun time that is. I'm thinking I need to head out with this guy just for fun, who knows?

This guy is divorced, has a son who's around 15, and he's about 8-10 yrs older than I am, all good. I like the divorced men. The good ones (those that no longer either hate or love their ex-wifes excessively) are normally much more appreciative of women and treat you very nicely... ANYWAY, he's got a bit of country in him mixed with his city boy manners. I noticed that the yuppified men say "my son....." while the country boys say "my boy..." when talking about their kids. I don't know why it struck me as interesting. It just did.

So if I start dating, I'll have to start shaving my legs on a more regular basis. Cripes I hate that. For now, the queen of capri pants only has to shave to the tops of her knees once every couple of days, just to avoid the appearance of becoming a wookie. Dating means shaving to "touch", or every stinking time you have a date. I'm not actually the laziest leg shaver in the area, my hairdressing guru Allegra has me beat on that one. She went through a phase of not really wanting to date, so she lightly dated, ended up getting to the stage where she really needed to either sleep with the guy or break up. She thought it over, told me "girl, I said "I just wasn't ready.....and I meant I just wasn't ready to shave my legs for him!" HAH! It's so nice to know I'm not the only quirky one around. Working all this time in a basement with recycled air can mess with the brain.

Such is life. I'm off to go get pick up my best friend Jildo! She's spending the weekend with me and we're going to drink diet coke, eat chocolate and gossip till the sun goes down. Also a casino may or may not be in the plans, who knows???? Sounds like fun, huh? Girl time, nothing better!

Knitty

The Spring 05 Knitty is here!! woo hoo!

Let the knit-a-longs begin, I've got about 8 patterns picked out...have you seen the knitted flowers yet? cute!

An Actual Knitting Post, can you believe it?

First of all, I received a lovely email from a lady in Lawrence, KS that they are organizing a knitting group and inviting all levels of knitters to come and knit! HOW cool is that? Here's the link: Knit Lawrence. They're meeting on Sat. afternoons at Milton's Coffee on Mass. street. Check their site for the exact date & times. I am SO excited! I know I almost never make it to the local group here in town, so who knows how often I can get there, but it excites me nonetheless...kind of a "for the love of knitting" kind of feeling. Lawrence is SUCH an artsy-fartsy town, I LOVE that city! Also a great excuse to head to the Yarn Barn!

Picture time, picture time! My battery was dying on the camera, so I had to combine 2 shots in one and put off the pic of a shirt I found at Target last year and never wore that I found in the back of my closet while battling the scary tote bags and piles of shoe boxes that is threatening my survival each time I pull open the closet doors...The SAME baby poop green as my new shoes...coincidence, I think not. I DO need some yarn in this same color to complete the ensemble. The more "appropriate" among us may call it "lime green" but I have never seen a lime this color and I have seen more than my share of baby poop. The current craze is for baby poop green. end of story.

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I am so very proud of myself! These balls are the yarn that has given its life as an ugly mans sweater to be almost never worn...and will become a lovely sweater, yes, my FIRST sweater...those tank tops just don't count as there were no sleeves or a collar. I haven't decided what it will be yet, but the drape was beautiful and it yielded a serious buttload of yarn. I need to make one of those measuring stick things that show 3 yards so I can tell just how much yarn is in a buttload. Notice the TINY pile of little pieces. That is ALL that I couldn't save. I was a freaking frogging QUEEN baby. I was tempted to start hacking it to pieces, but this silk & wool combo was begging me to be patient. And look what I did! I may or may not have the patience to live through the measuring, washing and winding into skeins and all that, but we'll see. I did the "happy dance" tonight. The last time I was happy dancing was when the craps table was sending serious CASH my way. Momma likes being happy. All this yarn for $3.98 and it's SILK & WOOL...I'm just too too excited.

The ugly colorful thing in the right of the pic is my start on the mutated buttonhole bag. I'm not exactly sure how dense the fabric will turn out, if it will hold shape, but I'm kind of starting to like the color pools. It could turn out very cool, it could turn out to be a turd with handles. It's the magic of felting.

One non-knitting comment (you know I HAD to, didn't you?) I realized this last weekend that beauty schools on the wrong side of the tracks (in our case LITERALLY on the wrong side of the train tracks) are the day spas for the trailer park community. I have nothing against the trailer park communities, heck I lived in one in New Mexico for two years with no phone service (too far into the country so we had no phones for 6 months), a black widow infestation in the storage shed, and rattlesnakes everywhere slithering over to sun themselves at "tireman's trailer". Tireman was saving tires so he could build an adobe home using them as the base. He never got any further with the idea than digging a big hole for the foundation and accumulating over 2000 tires stacked up to the sky, kind of like disneyworld for snakes. Where was I? Ah yes. My assistant at work suggested I take my daughter to the local beauty college for her haircut ($6 shampoo & cut) and since my little girl has long straight hair that just needed a trim, I thought, cool. good idea. She did get a good cut, but that place was CRAZYTOWN. I am not even exaggerating here when I say it was like the cast of Deliverance came to get pedicures and shampoos & sets. I saw an old bag griping at the poor little girl trying to saw off the nasty growths on her feet because the counter girl wouldn't let her use a 25% off coupon that expired last month. Those poor things were massaging the feet of nasty old women AND MEN that you couldn't have paid me ANY amount of money (and I'm easily bought) to touch. What those poor girls and men must do to earn their certificates. OH LORD I'm thankful for my job in the basement with just the few of us.

Tried to start teaching my daughter to knit. It was a start, neither of us ended up in tears, but that was because I was trying SO FREAKING hard to have patience. My mother walked by and sagely said, "Patience is a virtue, dear." I told her "Purity is a virtue as well, but that boat sailed long ago and took all my patience with it." :) I do like making the old broad smile. HAH. She's the true source of a majority of my sarcasm, so I think we're good for each other. We didn't get along too well from the time I was 15 until oh about my mid-20's or so. We never yelled at each other, or anything like that, we'd just be polite and quiet and bug the holy crap out of each other, quietly...that uncomfortable quiet that no one wants to be around kind of thing. I think we were just so damn similar and that woman backs down to NO ONE, so it was a quiet few years. I love that we can hang out now and enjoy each other. I am really blessed. While on my knitting break earlier, I heard an old country song from a passing car...that one that goes...."You can bet that I'm ok.....except for Monday, which was never good anyway, Tuesday something something, Wednesday I feel better just for spite, Thursday and Friday take too long, before you know it, Saturday's gone, but it's Sunday now and you can bet that I'm all right..." It brought back the best little memory. Mom & I were for some reason doing the 6 hour car-ride out to Grandma's house together, can't remember why, and we weren't pissy or anything, just quiet almost the whole way and this song came on when we were about an hour from home. Both of us were quietly humming along and then we ended up singing together the whole song, laughing and it just kind of broke all the tension. Ever since then we've been all right. Isn't it funny how knitting frees up the mind and lets these forgotton things come out?

the Pope, Peace, Religion and all that happy stuff

OK, this is the visual that goes with last night's post. Tell me you don't see it too...

On a more serious note, I drove past the Jewish Community Center and their American and Israel flags were both at half-mast. It really seemed to sum things up that though there are major differences between the Jewish and Catholic belief systems, both religions (and most of the others I've encountered) agree that people should be kind, helpful, thankful and love each other. period. I am trying to raise my children with an understanding that people are different all over the world, and even right here in our own hometown. Different does not mean bad, different does not mean we need to make them conform to our beliefs. Different means they have something to teach us and maybe they'd like to learn about us as well. if they want to.

Off to pick up my daughter from school. I usually end up in the line of cars about 10 minutes early and get a little knitting done while listening to music. I think it's a Violent Femme's day today....

a little bit of attitude, and VOTING IN KANSAS

LOOK what I found at the local Hallmark store on the sale aisle??? Now I'm all pissy as most of the stock is GONE and it is SO ME!!!! Here's my new favorite things (yes, they are napkins, I am going to have to find somewhere to order a couple of framed prints, but until then, I think I'm going to find some square mats for my little napkins....

These are made by the same company that had the desperate wives cute tank tops done..."It's not me, it's you" etc. Mary Phillips Designs. CUTE STUFF, I just love that "put your big girl panties on!" HAH!

Well, here comes Kansas, leading the way for the conservative movement to take over the country... Kansas has a vote tomorrow for amending the state constitution to state that marriage is between a man and a woman only. I was actually NOT surprised to see our neighbors ("the Mary's", good little Catholics with the standard blue Virgin Mary statue in the backyard, and wife and both girls with some form of Mary in their names, I can never keep them straight...one's a Mary Elizabeth, one's a something something Mary and so on) and quite a few other houses with the little blue signs with a white brides dress and white tux and VOTE YES all over their yards. I was pleasantly surprised today. While driving down our road, I saw four, count em FOUR red VOTE NO signs, in the heart of conservative-land. Then, when I picked up Joey from my very favorite two ladies in the WORLD (his preschool teachers) they asked me if I was voting tomorrow. I said yes, not really thinking to go into anything major as these women are pretty conservative Jewish older ladies, and it just didn't seem the moment for a major political discussion. They both said they'd voted early and voted NO. Three or four other teachers in the area also voiced their opinion that no matter what their individual beliefs on marriage, a constitutional amendment is just one step closer to legalizing discrimination. Our country has fought too long and too hard to repeat its history. We need to move FORWARD and I was just very inspired that even in the heart of conservative-land, there are little buds of flowers pushing their way to see the light of EVERYONE having valuable ideas, opinions and rights. There is so much money pouring into this area through "committees" and "small groups" to further this well organized conservative agenda that it is frightening. I am noticing more people, even normally staunch conservatives getting uncomfortable with the levels of discrimination and government involvement in our personal lives. I am afraid it's a losing battle, but I am still standing in my little corner squawking like a crow in the midst of the robin revolution. Ok, it's late, I'm on some strange bird tangent and going to bed. ANYWAY, please vote tomorrow.

On a knitting-related note, I'm working on a strange mutated version of a buttonhole bag, that may or may not turn out cool in my esperanza yarn. I also wandered around the local goodwill shop for sale sweaters to recycle into nice things for me me me me me without spending all that $$ on yarn. I realized that we women either donate cheapo sweaters, or we wear the holy crap out of the nicer fibre ones first. I went through the men's sweaters, lost in a sea of thin cotton yarns and acrylic acrylic acrylic and then I got to the XL section. The few nice sweaters here had almost NO WEAR as big guys are usually hot blooded and not likely to hang out in heavy sweaters, and since the sweaters are big, I should end up with a butt-load of yarn, maybe enough for a sweater and matching scarf. I found ONE sweater in like-new condition, with good seams and it's in this heathery creme-brown tone that I think would look good on me. It's 55% silk, 15% wool, 15% nylon and 15% acrylic. It is size L, with cables all over the dang place and the yarn seems not too thin, we shall see. I am going to triumph over the unraveling of this sweater. One way or another, it will be reborn as a Knitting Virgin CREATION...

I actually wore COLOR today. (my closet is a sea of whites, blacks, and browns) I promise to take pics soon. In the mad mall rush of Saturday night (hence the reason for spending $3.98 on a sweater for yarn instead of online purchasing), I picked up this adorable little turtleneck cap-sleeved ORANGE-ISH sweater that apparently is my color for $10. I paired it with a pair of denim capri's (after serious duck-walking to stretch them to decent levels) and matching orangish wooden shoes and a fabulous hair day thanks to Miss Allegra's newest cut. I was all hot & happenin' and working in a basement with one other woman. woo baby. Ah well, at least the mojo's slowly coming back to me, if I ever get a life, I'll have a few things to wear to it.

OK, I've got to say it. You know someone out there was thinking it...I am a good little Catholic girl, (ok, so I was raised Catholic and I'm a girl--let's just leave it at they haven't kicked my little opinionated self out yet), so I preface this by saying these comments are NOT meant to be disrespectful, but seriously....didn't any of you think some of those pictures of the Pope in his red outfit laying there looked a bit like Santa Claus had just died? creeped me out, seriously.

Why I have to pack my lunches for the next two weeks, a LONG post of my weekend crap

OK, first, I apologize, as I'm sure my feet were not the first thing you wanted to see when clicking onto a knitting blog....Are those not the CUTEST damn lime green shoes for spring you've ever seen? Actually, if they had more of a low kitten heel, I'd have bought 3 pair for when they wear out. But they have this 1/2" heel and are just so freaking cute, I was actually wiping drool from my chin. yes. I really was. creepy, I know. CHECK out the "sessy toes", they're bbbaaaaaaacccccckkkk. It just really vives up the mojo to have sessy toes peeking out. Nothing better, I could be queen of the trailer park with these. Yes, I do have freakishly long toes, and no, I don't really care. They were cheap, but thank God they were in a color just off from all the 9 west bags that were on clearance. I wouldn't get 2 different shades of lime green, because then I'd have to get more shoes to match the other bags, so my money lasted a bit longer. I am taking my new shoes to the LYS to buy some yarn in the same shade. Don't you think I need a felted lime bag? I do too.

The funky pin & earrings are just trashy & tacky enough to be my new favorite things. Loving them.

AND ALL THINGS HOLY, I've made a new friend. Not a nice, normal friend, someone to laugh with, cry with, share stories with, no.... a very special friend, one with UNBELIEVABLE POWERS.....YES, A MAKEUP COUNTER GIRL FRIEND!!!!! bwaaa ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA! (I'm a bit excited, can you tell?) Now, I often have makeup counter girls try to befriend me (I must put out that secret scent of desperation and addiction that just says "I WILL SPEND ALL MY MONEY HERE IF YOU'RE NICE TO ME", I'm marked like the Scarlet woman but my sign is $ instead of the big S. ANYWAY, I have not had a makeup counter friend since my REAL friend Miss Alison left for Denver. She used to moonlight at Lancome's and I'd make a SERIOUS haul at bonus time. Russell and I would each buy one little thing and end up walking out with a trash-bag size each crammed with 3 or 4 of every free bag imaginable and this little tiny size zero Asian beauty scream-whispering "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT NOW!!!!". Those were the good ol' days, free gifts as far as the eye could see. Since then, the ladies of the makeup have tried to lure me, to be nice, to tempt me with a free sample of some crappy perfume, they have paled in comparison. UNTIL NOW.....I won't use her name so she doesn't get in trouble, but this pretty little thing not only got me just the right cream lotion & wrinkle fighting combo thing I needed, but didn't try to push it when I said I wasn't interested in some other thing, and then she gave TWO free gifts so I could have both color schemes, without me even asking, or begging, or pouting or ANYTHING! It was a good night.

The makeup is actually stuff I will use, imagine that? and I'm all happy. I may even wear eye shadow tomorrow. The makeup bag is being modeled in the shot in front of my other stupid purchase, the home-office collection at Target in Martha Stewart Green, LOVING that too!

Early Mother's Day wishes from my children...For those of you that don't know me well, this won't be too funny. For those that do, you may wet yourself on this one. We were shopping in Hallmark picking up some cards & other must-haves and while I'm waiting for the little blue-haired grandma to ring me up (not exaggerating, I think I have some yarn in that same color of sky blue), the kids were browsing through the cards. Joey comes up to me and says "Mom, on Mother's Day, I'm going to give you this card." and hugged me. It was some momma kitten with her little kitties, all the little old ladies working there went "aawwwww". It was touching. Beth then pulls out a card with an apron and a tray of cookies and said, "Mom, if you were a cooking mom, I would get you this card." No sarcasm, just totally honest and to the point. The grandmas all gasped and I hugged her and said "thanks honey." Since making cookies together has become a semi-annual event, and the last few meals we ate consisted of hotdogs and pork-n-beans, this wasn't too far from the truth. Once my latest order from Pampered Chef comes in, we'll be making more cookies, banana bread and pizza. NO I don't cook and YES I still buy things from Pampered Chef. Later Friday night I asked Beth, "if I'm not a cooking mom, what kind of a mom am I?" After thinking a bit, she replied, "a knitting mom, a reading mom, a snuggling mom and sometimes a yelling mom." I figured I could work on the yelling along with the cooking, but pretty much it was a right-on analysis.

My assistant was freaking out the other day that I don't color eggs with my kids for Easter each year. I finally told her we don't because I don't actually know how to hard-boil eggs. I know it has something about cold water, and they either sit in the water from the start or you leave them in afterwards, or something. I need to just sit down with a betty crocker cookbook and figure this out. I can pick a hell of a restaurant, though. The scary thing? I ordered one of those cool transmorgification-kind of things from Pampered Chef last year that has one side set up for a veggie tray and the other side for holding deviled eggs and it all sits on a frozen tray thing. I thought to myself, I could make a ton of eggs for one of our get-togethers and bring them in this amazing tray. Said tray is still in its original box. It's really not my fault. I don't remember eating anything other than grilled food my dad made, macaroni & cheese (which I despise to this day) and grilled cheese sandwiches growing up. In 7th & 8th grade, in home-ec class, the group I was in somehow blew up the stove. It actually caught fire and the teacher was all mad at me anyway as I stirred the bisquit batter too many times and it turned out hard as a rock. I was pretty much given the option of taking 2 sets of sewing/needle crafts and bypassing the cooking. Look what happened? I can sew all my own clothes (but I'm lazy and love shopping), cross stitch, plastic canvas, croche, knit, embroider, needlepoint and anything else having to do with fibres, but I just never learned to put food together without burning things down. I do know not to put aluminum foil in the microwave, but I'm not telling how I found that one out. Peeps are fun in microwaves too, but only if they're not your responsibility to clean.

On the previous day's note, I do remember the little "hat" thing they use in hospitals to catch urine & poo samples, and I can't remember what it was called. Man, that would have been easier than trying to balance a bowl from the rim while keeping my fingers out of the line of fire! It's a small, small world!

Bagaholics anonymous and a bowl of poo

Hello, my name is Christine, and I'm a bagaholic.

I have more tote bags than a woman should be allowed to have. I have a closet full of "free bonus gift" bags. In my continuing saga of cleaning out my clutter-crammed bedroom and my quest to stay OFF the Oprah show as one of those freaky ladies who end up having to have some professional come and hose down their house, I started on closet #2. Closet #2 is filled with shoe boxes, yarn, books, magazines and those lovely piles of "things to look at now" and "things to file" and "things I should have burned five years ago, but I might need one tiny detail..." etc. This closet is also filled with the tote bags. Not any tote bags, that would be much less scary. No, this series of tote bags is a pretty good version of my life. When I'm out and about, I come across papers, books, magazines, makeup, WHATEVER it is I need to deal with. Instead of taking the 18 seconds it would take to make a quick decision I put it in the tote bag of the day. This tote bag is carried with me on a daily basis as I may have a few minutes of extra time in which to go through said crap. I may actually need something in this crap. So, the bag gets heavier and fuller (yes I KNOW that's not a word, I don't care, more full doesn't seem to have the same flow) and eventually the bag's too crammed full of crap to possibly get one more thing in it. A normal person would probably at this point go through the bag. Actually, a normal person wouldn't have the damn bag in the first place. Nope, mine goes in the closet and another bag comes out. What a joy an almost empty tote bag is. It's clean, it's trendy, it's cute, it's hip, it's full of crap in about 3 days and the vicious cycle repeats itself. I get to where I see tote bags, or large purses or GOD FORBID when Elizabeth Arden, queen of all free gift bags from makeup counters, has their big bag special...if you spend $25, you get some measly little thing, but if you spend $50, you get the grandmamma purse AND the free little bag. Now, what's a bagaholic to do? YES! BABY! BUY THEM ALL.....bwa ha ha haaaaaaa.... Actually, I do have the world's cutest large purse/tote thing from EA. It's pink, with black handles, can carry the world, and has pretty little black & white polkadots on the inside lining. AND zippered pockets inside. If I didn't have it full of crap right now, it'd be a great yarn project bag.

Anyway, I made it through closet #1. It is ORGANIZED and only has 2 piles, crap to put downstairs and crap to file. I actually have a hanging file system now. But nothing's in it, but it's such a pretty little thing.

Closet #2 was attacked last night, but I'm afraid it won. I did make it through the very top shelf (since I can't hardly get up there, not too much crap accumulates there so this is really a babystep of an accomplishment) AND shelf #2. Shelf #2 now has my pretty little (normal sized) purses lined up all stuffed with tissue paper to keep their shape. They look like a trendy little army of pink, lime green, orange, brown & black sylish little things all standing at attention. Don't look down past shelf #2. I have one of those not-really organized systems, but there's shelves on one side and clothes racks on the other. I got distracted (I know, that's hard to believe) by making a swatch of my esperanza and did succeed in putting all my printed free copy patterns I keep printing off in little plastic sleeves and in binders. Can you freaking believe it? The rest of the closet is owned by the tote bags and they frightened me, so I went to bed.

I made a solid resolution to quit buying "free bonus bag" crap at the makeup counter. I mean, I pretty much don't wear hardly any makeup other than mascara and the mineral stuff as a base (bare escentuals stuff ROCKS) and lip gloss. What is this need to buy crap I won't use for mini sizes of stuff I won't use? Then I heard Lancome has their bonus buy going now....I am almost out of the mini mascara I've been using, so I could actually use some of it...I think I'd better head to Dillard's just to be sure.....

On to the bowl of poo.... Well, Joey's tummy decided to quit reacting to his pills that he takes with each meal. CF kids have lots of tummy troubles, part of the fun. We got him a stronger prescription and an extra med to help let the pills get to where they need to be. They needed to make sure he wasn't having some other bacteria cause problems, in there as well.

I must have been having one of those "dense days" as I was talking with the practical nurse that gets the fun duty of dealing with Joey's mom (lucky girl) and she was explaining she needed to get "a sample." I said, sure. I'll bring him by. She was so polite and using technical talk and I was being exceptionally ditzy and didn't make the connection for a few minutes. We are always coughing crud into sterlie containers and running down to Children's Mercy, getting blood taken, etc, so I just was doing the "yeah yeah sure" thing until she finally said in a very exasperated and almost yelling tone, "Christine, I need your child to poop into a plastic bowl and you to bring it to me." OK, so this isn't as funny here, but the conversation that should have gone "Christine, I need a stool sample" and I respond, "of course, I'll bring one right down" was going on and on and on for like 15 minutes of confusion until this poor thing was almost in tears of frustration. I am an idiot.

Joey thought it was the coolest thing he'd ever done. "I get to poop in a BOWL? really? In a bowl? Can I poop in a blue bowl, no a green bowl, no I want to poop in the birthday McDonalds bowl......" and on and on. I finally found a disposable thing (where ARE those damn lids when you need one) and the deed was done and delivered. We walk through the grocery store later, and my little guy is a friendly little bugger, just strikes up conversations all the time with complete confidence. We are in line with a little old lady and Joey starts talking about his school.....you know "I'm 5 years old.....I can write my name....You're a really old lady, are you a grandma?....." and on and on. I'm not really paying too close of attention until this lady looks at me like I'm a freak of nature. I suddenly come to attention and realize he's telling all the little old ladies in line that he just pooped into a bowl and his mom put a lid on it. yup. I didn't even try to explain, just smiled and paid my $$ and headed out. We had a little discussion about what we should and should not tallk about with strangers. Poop in a bowl goes in the "better not" category.