Friends don't let friends knit drunk, on a boat, in total darkness, while decreasing a toe, but apparently new husbands do

OK, so maybe not drunk, but seriously tipsy after two and a half strong pina coladas made with REAL coconut and lots of rum, yum! Yeah, I knit an ENTIRE toe of one sock in the dark while drinking and rocking on the boat in the dark. DARK dark. Only stars above dark. Impressed Jeff's aunt and uncle (the captain of the boat and his wife, also a captain) and impressed the hell out of myself as well. Until the next morning. Holy hell, I've never seen a more fugly piece of knitting in my LIFE! Entire two inches had to get ripped back out. But sitting on the boat watching the sunrise? Knitting on wollmeise? It doesn't get any better than that. I brought 2 skeins of wollmeise along for sock knitting and the best EVER knitting project bag from Carmen, aka Girley Purls. Oh and I was totally singing "Give me Two Pina Coladas....one for each hand..." the entire honeymoon. I know it. Yeah, I'm still singing that song.

The first night, before much limbo-ing and pina coladaing. I was actually carried under a LOW limbo pole by a large Bahama Man and I've got to say, that was something you don't see every day. Jeff's cousin has that pic on her camera, so I'll post it later.

My survivor-man, after throwing rocks up at the coconuts and gathering them as they fell. The man spent almost three hours beating these on sharp rocks until he got two of them peeled down to the final layer. We're going to use a drill to get to the coconut milk. I've heard the varieties out on that island either tasted like heaven or like stinky feet. Let's hope these are the angelic ones.


The sock that had two knitted toes. See what a little pina colada will get you?


A little deck walking. Can you believe the colors of the water?



OK, you KNOW he totally licked that thing, don't you? Claws and all. Jeff caught at least 4 crabs and almost pulled this giant crawfish out while we were snorkeling. He really IS Nature Boy. After a mild come-apart while snorkeling, I realized I truly am Nature-Over-There-Me-WAAAAAAYYYYYY-Over-Here Girl. My kind of snorkeling is where you float along, and say "Oh, how lovely, way down there, at least 50 feet away from me, is a beautiful creature. How about that?" THIS kind of snorkeling is more of the HOLY SHIT THESE THINGS ARE ALL TOUCHING ME!!!!! MAKE THEM STOP TOUCHING ME!!! Seriously, we were IN the fish. Beautiful fish, colorful fish but IN the freaking fish. INCHES from the damn reefs. I had the same freaking out feeling as when I was being eaten by the thousands of itty bitty ticks in the country last spring. Damn nature.


This starfish was left behind on a low tide, so apparently dead. It came home with us. It was also the color of my other pair of wollmeise socks that were completed on the honeymoon, therefore they will be called my Starfish Honeymoon Socks. It is now brown, still big and VERY smelly and will probably take 20 years to fully dry out.



These were knit while looking at this kind of a scene the ENTIRE week.


Are you tired of this long post and pictures yet? It's almost over, I promise. Stay with me, you HAVE to hear about the fishing! One morning we were anchored outside of a cut, where the Atlantic Ocean comes into the Sea of Abaco. I guess this means good fishing. Not being much of a fisherwoman, I figured I'd sit and knit and watch Jeff do his stuff like a good little wife. WELL, the man proceeded to set up some complicated crap on this super fishing pole, rigging up lures and smelly fish parts and the like. Then told me that after he got it all set up just so, I could HOLD THE POLE until something happened, where he, being the fisherman you see, would come and take the pole away. So I could be like a hook on a dock. Yeah, that'd be fun. After telling him just where and how he could put that fancy pole I walked up to the front of the boat.

I picked up this spool of fishing line that looked like a big spool of thread. It had two hooks on the ends and a sinker. I cut up some hotdog bits, dropped them into the water and BAM, BAM BAM BAM BAM! Every time it hit the water I was pulling out fish. Serious fish. Poor Jeff, his fancy pole and lures and funky floaty system didn't catch one damn thing. I caught over 18 fish. EIGHTEEN FISH! His uncle about wet himself laughing about it. Jeff would get to the other end of the boat, sit down with his pole and BAM I'd catch another one. Hell, I was even catching TWO AT A TIME! hotdog and hooks on a string, baby. High tech fishing. Jeff did catch a barracuda while we were sailing, but it dropped off before I could get a picture.

Jeff finally gave up the pole and figured I was catching dinner that night. After checking the book to see which ones were good for eating, we saw I was catching things called saucer eyed porgies, and grunts. About 6 different kinds of grunts. These things were beautiful, yellows and blues, stripes, polka dots, gorgeous. Oh, and why are they called grunts? They grunt like pigs while they're out of the water. I'm even holding Jeff's pole AND pulling fish out of the water at one point. Damn, that was fun.








Best. Trip. Ever.

Because there's nothing more romantic than saying "I do" under an antler gun rack

OK, seriously? There was a gun hanging on antlers over our heads? I had no idea until I saw the pictures. Dude, I just got married under an antler gun rack? Seriously? Oh and you KNOW it was loaded. You know what? Does that seem funny, yet perfectly fitting to anyone but me? The morning wedding was supposed to be outside but it was still freaking cold and so we had the ceremony in the "Cowboy Room", aka Jeff's folks' study/den/sitting room. It was just the immediate family and was wonderful. My old boss is now a minister so he and his wife came to town to perform the ceremony. It was very special and I am so happy!

Here's the new family:


The redneck wedding cake, which I think was one of the highlights of the day. Jeff's sister created this for us and used the wedding cake topper from her wedding ten years ago. We had a lovely place for it, but then the sun came out (thank GOD) and it would have melted anywhere we put it. This left us short of tables. What to do? Well, my inlaws rigged it up on a piece of plywood balanced on a kitchen stool. It doesn't get any more redneck than that, does it? My family rocks. Thankfully the sun came out, since at one point I counted over 40 children running around tearing up the backyard of my inlaws and that of their neighbor who graciously let us use their playground and basketball court to go with our badminton set.





Oh, and of course there was knitting...



The good pictures are coming later, including those with me in the gorgeous wedding shawl made by Cheri! My sister-in-law took amazing shots and I can't wait to get them!

The day was exactly like we wanted it, family and friends outside, grilling, eating, dancing, having a ball. The only sad part was that I wasn't organized enough to get my best friend here in town for the party. I owe her a really big girls' trip out somewhere soon. I'm thinking Vegas!

We're off for a week in the Bahamas! Woo Hoo! Much knitting of socks, sitting on beaches, drifting in the sailboat and doing absolutely nothing. Can't wait! Normal crazy knit blogging to come after I come back full of freckles. Between Jeff and my pale skin, I'm hoping we don't both burst into flames the minute we get off the plane.

Antler gun rack, knitters, big ass fire and monster charcoal grill? OH and some mike's hard limeades. You betcha. It doesn't get better than this.

Preppy much? Yes, thank you!

Pattern: Aleita Shell by Bonne Marie Burns in Interweave Knits Spring 2008 magazine
Yarn: Aslan Trends Artisenal 1.5 skeins, cotton, polyester and alpaca blend, heavenly cool
Needles: sz 3's for bottom border ribbing and 6's for the rest
Deviations from pattern: Realized my fronts were working up too long, so did faster increases at end and my shoulder seams are just over the back of my shoulders, I actually like the look better. I also said OH JUST FUXX IT when I was nearing the end and there was all this neck band knitting and grafting and sewing and finishing. I just seamed the shoulders to the back and put it on and wore it.

Wore it at work today with my khaki capri pants and little penny loafer slide shoes. I was flashing back to my preppy 80's days. Love the vest, did not love the way the pattern had to be written to save space for magazine article. Way too many "at the same times" for my taste.

Also, my daughter donated 10 inches of her hair to locks of love. She rocks. And looks quite cute in the shorter 'do. Here's the before and after:



And these pics show that I had no fun whatsoever at our knitting conference, right? Gwen, it was so much fun hanging out with you again! And of COURSE I didn't take my pic with Stefanie while WEARING one of the sweaters I've made that she designed. No, that would have made sense. Instead this is the 2nd day and I'm sporting my glee sweater which I'm thinking is absolutely a keeper. I'm going to calculate out the stitches to make a smaller one for Elizabeth next fall.

Man, is there anything sexier than tall knitting redheads in the midst of all that yarn?



Three days till I'm getting mallied. Mallied? Mallied! We've decided against all the organized kids' activites. No jumping thing, no organized games. We're apparently going for the bedlam approach. We've got a volleyball net, ONE volleyball (can't you just hear the fights already?), a ton of badmitton rackets and birdies, a bunch of balls for kickball, etc. I'm also getting a lot of little bubbles, jumpropes and other misc. crap for them to be put into a big bucket. I may be overly hopeful here, but I've also got extra bottles of sunscreen and non-toxic bugspray (Avon rocks). Even though it's forecasted to be rainy and cold tomorrow and part of Friday, I'm SURE it will be sunny and gorgeous Saturday.

Because nothing says "Here comes the bride!" like a giant goiter on her chin...

Holy crapamoly. I'm still here. I'm just not quite here. Better blogging next week, I promise! In the last week and a half, I've survived being part of the motley crew that put on the Knitting in the Heartland convention that SO SO SO rocked. OH man, there's something liberating about being among that many other yarn junkies and feeling totally normal! Ok, so not quite totally normal. I think I scared a few women when I was moaning and trying to decide which yarn to buy at that damn Textiles a Mano table. Damn I loved that yarn. So I ended up buying yarn there at least three times that I can remember. The last time I almost made it without buying anything. Almost....you see, when there was only one big-ass skein of gorgeous earthy brownish yarn in my hands the thinking was "what could this be?" I almost set it down and walked away. But then there were two. Yes, BUT THEN THERE WERE TWO! Two skeins of 800+ yards for $22 each and they were soft and did I say gorgeous? TWO SKEINS? 1600 YARDS? That could grow up to be anything. It was too much for this yarn junkie. It went home with me. Along with a crapload of other fibery goodness. I've not even piled it all up for pics for ravelry or blogland yet.

Stefanie Japel? You all know how much I love her designs. I think I'll ask to be buried in that sleeveless cascade 220 sweater if I've not worn it to bits. If you've not bought Fitted Knits yet, go get you one. The book has so many good patterns and just good common sense taught so you can make other things fit that way too. I'm still floored by the idea that you can convert any kind of a flat pattern sweater into a top-down or bottom-up raglan with simple math. That realization was magical for me, just like the time I turned my first sock heel. Pure knitting magic.

Joanna, Johanna, Teri, Sandra, Carmen, Holly, man we put on one hell of a fun show. Seriously. I had a blast. You guys rock. Thanks for dragging me along for the ride.

Let's just say I bought so much yarn that I wasn't even sad that I wasn't able to visit even one yarn shop when I went to Minneapolis right after the convention. I think it might even carry me over for the non-ability to purchase vacation/honeymoon yarn. I'm thinking there will probably not be very many yarn shops on the islands of the Bahamas. You never know, but I'm actually feeling like I've bought enough yarn lately. How scary is that? Yeah. There was a LOT of yarn bought. Pictures soon. OH and the knitting project bag I got from Carmen's table? Oh man. It's freaking amazing. It's black on the outside, quite respectable, with the lining that is so cool I find myself flashing people (mostly knitters so don't worry) with the inside lining peeking out. Again, pictures do better justice. I promise. Soon. It rocks.

What else? So Knitting Convention done. check. Trip to Minneapolis for a three day interview. check. Got home to a bullying issue with my daughter that freaked me out but she didn't seem too worried. Police and principal involved and took care of everything. check. Negotiation of job offer. check. Accepted job (I get to stay in KC). check. Wedding and family party in FOUR DAYS. OK, since it's almost midnight it's probably closer to THREE DAYS. crap crap crap. The fact that it was SNOWING here in the morning of last weekend didn't have me worried. It's Kansas, right? Weather changes. In fact it was gorgeous today and in the upper 60's. But then the weather forecast is calling for snow and rain at the end of the week. It's an outdoor barbeque and I am wearing my damn sundress one way or another. check.

Explanation of the giant goiter zit on my chin. And a few brewing on my right cheek. And at least 11 more across my entire face. Not worried because 14 zits must be lucky. You know, I could have 13. That would be bad. right? An almost forty year old bride should not have freaking zits on her chin. It's just not right. This one is so big that I may have to knit a cozy for it. A zit cozy? Oh yeah, I'm doing just fine here. No freaking out or losing my mind what-so-ever.

Glampyre is coming to town! And amazing Yarn Shopping in KC!

OK, I don't know whether I'm more excited to meet this designer whose patterns I freaking ADORE or to get to shop at the vendor market! Holy crapamoly. Anyone in the KC area, come out to the Radisson Hotel at 12601 W 95th Street in Lenexa. It's at I-35 and 95th Street.

The Sunflower Knitters Guild is putting on the Knitting in the Heartland fantabulous event this weekend! Saturday and Sunday, April 5th & 6th. There's still a few spots in some of the classes and they'll take last minute signups. There's also a Knitting 911 going on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. If you're registered for classes it's free, otherwise there's a $5 fee. Bring any projects you're having issues with for some great help!

For a class schedule and more info on the event, click on the Knitting in the Heartland link above and get yourself a printout of the brochure. Glampyre is also known as Stefanie Japel, one of my very favoritist designers around. Anyone that's seen me at a knitting event has seen my sleveless turtleneck from her book Fitted Knits, knit out of grey cascade 220. I'm also seen about town in the two-tone fitted shrug from her book, mine made with one tone of teal. I also made a teal shrug for my cousin as a Christmas present that was really hard to give away since hers was made with dream in color yarn. I think I've loved Stefani's designs since I made a couple of the one skein wonders from her website years ago.

The vendor market is going to get a LOT of my $$ this weekend. I've been holding myself back (mostly) at yarn shopping and plan to be a true yarn whore. There's going to be yarn, yarn, and more yarn, spinning stuff, fibers, bags, buttons, sheep cards, (you KNOW I'm leaving there with pictures of sheep people) and other amazing stuff. Click here to see the vendor list with links to their websites!

Stefanie will be signing and selling copies of her book Fitted Knits as well. The vendor market goes from 10am-5:30pm Saturday and 9am to 4pm on Sunday.

Just because I'm so excited about this, I'm going to revisit the pics of my favorite Stefanie Japel creations...

Introducing the Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy Sweater!

OH how this sweater amazes me. I amaze me. It amazes me that a couple of pointy sticks and a bunch of string, anyone can make something as happy as this. Knitting is freaking miraculous. TWO STITCHES. A simple knit stitch. A simple purl stitch. Sometimes I forget just how magical the whole thing is. Then a moment comes along and I just sigh. And then dance around the house with a sweater or a sock or just a little square of something. And totally freak out my children. God, being a knitting mom is awesome. A normal mom can just embarrass them the normal ways. We have SO MUCH MORE AMMUNITION. bwaa haa ha haaaa. But I digress, did I say how amazing this sweater is to me?

You know what? The whole seaming thing wasn't that bad. SSSShhhhhhh. I actually enjoyed that part. The whole set-in sleeve thing? not so much. But, I totally flashed back to my sewing days in jr. high home-ec where apparently my dislike for sleeves began. Flashed back to a VIBRANTLY colored cotton fitted dress with a full circle skirt, fitted bodice and SLEEVES FROM HELL that somehow became a SLEEVELESS dress. Imagine that. I'd totally forgotten until I was easing in the stupid sleeves into their stupid holes on this sweater. The sleeve hatred must have started when I was 13 years old.

SO, what did your children do on spring break? A cruise? Skiing? Rock Climbing? Mine were lucky enough to get a shovel and a hose. This is the three day "pond" experiment. A mom that dances around the house with her knitting, singing at the top of her lungs AND a hole in the ground? MAN don't you wish you could be my kids too? I'd better record these moments so when their therapists blame me for their issues in their mid-forties I can remind them of just how great it really was.


Sweater Details:
Pattern: Laced-Front Sweater in Lingerie Knits book by Joan McGowan Michael
Yarn: Cascade 220 Heathers (OH how I love Cascade 220, yeah, I sing about that, too)
Needles: sz 6 circs
Icord: sz 6 Three Stitch i-cord 60 inches
Worked exactly to pattern specs, only complaint was that the ribbing pattern didn't match up just right at the side seams.

mattress stitch, here I come...

I apologize for the lame picture of the sweater parts below, dark blue doesn't take well with my cruddy old digital camera. This will probably be the last sweater I ever make in pieces. I really like the whole cast off, sew in a few ends, and be DONE with it joy of finishing an in-the-round sweater. Do you know how many seams I've got to sew? A buttload. Wish me luck.



Oh, I also got about 5-6 inches chopped off my hair. So far I'm loving it. I feel like I look more like a normal woman instead of the biker-chic frizzed out nappy looking thing I usually resemble at the end of each day. This flippy, shorter version holds up to my life much better.


Hope the easter bunny brings yarn for you all! I know he will for me as I helped him shop. I'm guessing Jeff will get beef jerky, but am not quite sure yet. We'd better get our baskets out and ready. Cadbury eggs make me as happy as wollmeise yarn. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I don't honestly know which I'd rather have.

One week to knit, five months to sew on some damn hooks & eyes.

Finished! Boy, I can knit fast, I just can't finish to save my butt. I did a little photographing in the company bathroom ala Crazy Aunt Purl. Ok, I just noticed you can actually see part of a toilet in the background. Sorry, everybody, that's just the kind of high-class blogging entertainment we provide here at the Knitting Virgin. Wore this today with a black skirt, black tank underneath and I think it's a keeper. I was so inspired by our big Sunflower Knitters' Guild turnout last night I went home and pulled out all my needing-a-little-something-projects and got to work. My accidentally felted picovoli has been hacked up and sewn up and generally tortured and will soon be felted a bit more into a unique felted bag. Pictures soon. I also unpicked and reknit the edging on my red sizzle sweater's armholes that were strangling my armpits. Yes, I have worn it anyway many, many times because I'm JUST that lazy.


I also was going through my new work clothes finds at the consignment shop nearby. I went stash-diving, damn I love stash-diving. Pulled out some green that just might work. I think I've made enough picovoli's for now, so I may just Zimmerman myself up a cap-sleeved summery top to wear underneath this one out of the *gasp* acrylic yarn there. It's not an exact match, but I think it'll work out. The design on the needles now is a start of a sweater that's not meant to be. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying acrylic is the devil or anything, in fact this stuff is pretty sweet for non-wool fiber. It just seems so wrong to me not to be using wool as the last, um, four or five summery patterns I've done have been out of pretty darn warm merinos and alpacas. I LOVE them as I can wear them all fall with no sleeves and be just warm enough but not to be so hot that I burst into flames as I often do in full wool sweaters. BUT I live in Kansas City, where it's at least 4000 degrees and often humid as hell so these won't make it for my summer under-jacket work attire. Yes, my office is cold as heck but I have to make it from the house into the truck and across the parking lot without melting entirely. So, cotton mixes and acrylics are on my to-do list.

I've also frogged the start to my wedding present socks for the hubby to be. They were working up too damn small. I did only have a few inches in before I decided it just wouldnt' work. I really knew it at about 2 inches, but kept going with the whole "this MAY just work....." crap. Back to the needles for those. If I could have found a thicker yarn than the trekking handpaints I bought that even looked remotely like deep sea waters I'd have bought it up.

Coming soon....the story of how nature boy was working on cleaning up the camper, damaged the boyfriend sweater, and fixed it himself. Oh lordy. It involves bleach and a sharpie marker. One that's supposed to be red, but looks much more lot hot pink. He was so proud, "look baby, you can't even tell!" yeah. I'd need about 6 more mike's hard limeades to not be able to tell. Just wear it backwards, ok?


Oh how I'm loving this camper. I know it won't entirely keep me away from the great outdoors, but it should sure make the great outdoors much more attractive as it's viewed through a layer of screen! PLUS it has airconditioning! Yeah, I'm so not going to get to use that, but it's there. Anything that puts another layer between the bugs and the dirt and me, I'm a big fan. This camper is so much bigger and cooler than the one my family had as kids. The side that has all the kitchen stuff and table even pushes out sideways with the two ends with the beds on each side. I'm thinking our outdoor adventures will be MUCH easier to take. Damn, I know I just totally jinxed myself.

Local woman injured in freak knit blogging accident...family walks away rolling eyes and showing no sympathy whatsoever...

OK, so I'm back to the matchy-matchy. (The shirt is actually more teal than the shot, it got bleached out by the flash.) Hey, there's not many perks to the whole losing all my knitting time going back to work in the corporate world, but getting to match my knitted socks to my shirts is one of the favorite parts of my days. Yes, I know I need to get out more. Back to the story... I am coordinated enough to take my own picture. And coordinated enough to hold my foot in front of my body. Apparently I'm not coordinated enough to do both of these actions at the same time. Notice that the picture above is taken with me sitting on the ground. WHY didn't I think of that first? I think the orange action photo the other day was a freak occurance, as when I tried this yesterday I fell over. ALL the way over. To the ground. Loudly.

Heard at my house yesterday afternoon...
"ooof, grunt, oops, AAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH, BOOM, grooooooaaaannnn"

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" stomp, stomp, stomp, (continue for a bunch of running up stairs, we live in the Weasley many-leveled split-level house, remember) stomp, stomp, stomp.... *Children and hubby-to-be arrive in a big crowd*

"Are you OK? What the heck happened? Why are you on the floor twisted up like that?"

"What? Oh, I just fell over." (hiding camera behind self)

"O....K...." *wanders off with the kids, everyone shanking their heads*

The scary thing? No one questions the fact that a grown woman just falls over in a big noisy explosion. I'm apparently so graceful that this seems like just another normal day around the Weasley house.

ANYWAY, I know I'm not the only one who does this kind of stuff (Matching my socks, not falling over in the attempt). I saw Grumperina showing photos not too long ago and there's enough of us 80's children that still have some glow-in-the-dark fingernail polish wearing, Modonna-look-alike or preppy collars and matching socks in our pasts, so fess up. Take a picture (much, much safer while sitting on the ground) or have a loved one take a picture and share.

And the shoes? Target for $29.99. Comfy and shows just a hint of crazy knitterly matching goodness at the end of long, boring black pants. They make me happy.


Cranked out some wrist warmers for my too-cool-to-wear-gloves preteen diva. She now wears the el capitan hat I made, her scarf of malabrigo she made on that crank-handled plastic knitting machine and these wristers. They qualified as "cool". Notice the sleeves are PUSHED up to the elbows? The sacrifices we make to be cool. Yarn: malabrigo, Needles: sz 6's, Pattern: wrist warmers in Last Minute Knitted Gifts, the man's pattern less 4 stitches. They worked up in just a couple of hours.

Introducing Picovoli the Third

OK, so let's hope that third time really IS the charm here. I truly LOVE the first picovoli I made which met with an unfortunate felting/shrinking episode that I've still not had the heart to chop and turn into something else. The second one? Well, that was the leaky boob sweater, shown on the sidebar as the cover pic for the fuglies. MAN, that is one funky looking sweater. ANYWAY, introducing the new and improved NOT GOING TO FELT THIS FUXXER Picovoli.....

Pattern: Picovoli by Grumperina
Yarn: 3 balls charcoal Lavish 100% superfine alpaca in light worsted, 1 ball indigo Lavish light worsted
This yarn? A divine, luscious, soft, loverly thing to work with. If the grey wasn't just a little bit hairy I'd have licked it. So, ok, I did actually lick it when I was doing the spit splicing, so there you go. Bought at MisKnits. LOVE this stuff. Once I find the two lost balls, I may need to get some more and figure out a striped hat or something.
Needles: size 6 I think, I've already lost my memory. Yes, I just took it off the needles a couple of days ago, but *poof* it's gone.

Can you see the itty bitty purple stripe at the bottom just above the garter bottom edge? I actually had 4 skeins of the charcoal in my stash. I know this because I'd originally entered it into ravelry like a good little organized knitter. Then I proceeded to take out one ball of charcoal and one of the purple to swatch for something and *poof* who the heck knows where they are now. The stashmonster has outgrown his pretty cedar chest. And the four drawers of my dresser. And the plastic tubs under the bed. I do know they're somewhere in the house. I'd normally never have put these two colors together, but it's growing on me. There's not enough of a contrast and I was really wanting something warm but soft and knitterly to wear under my boring black jacket at work. This pattern is my all-time favorite thing to knit. Entirely knit in the round with NOT ONE BIT of finishing other than weaving in ends. How much does that rock? I'll probably add a little crocheted slipstitch or single crocheted edge in purple along the top edge and armholes if I ever find that other ball of purple. If not, I think it's entirely wearable and lovable as is.

OK, so that "quiet little simple ceremony" I was thinking of for April 19th? Well, it's quickly morphed into a big-arse blowout party. We're in need of some ideas of how to keep approximately 25-30 kids entertained. I'm thinking one of those rented blow up jumping things you see at school carnivals. Jeff thought a clown. Nope. Not after poltergeist. Not gonna happen. They freak me out. Do any kids actually LIKE clowns? Kids that don't grow up to be serial killers, that is? ANYWAY, if you've got any ideas for mid-April in Kansas, which means there could be snow, there could be rain, or there could be beautiful sunshine and happiness. We're going to rent a tent, for cripes sake. It's gone HUGE. Ah well. I'm not walking down any damn aisles and I'm not being escorted. Not. Gonna. Happen. I've been there, done that and so has Jeff.

Ah well. I'm sure it will get thrown together in time. The current plan is for my two brothers and Jeff's brother-in-law to bring over their grills and to be in charge of hotdogs and hamburgers. Yes, HOTDOGS and HAMBURGERS. We're going high class here. No dressing up, people will be in casual party mode. Jeff will wear a hawaiian shirt and his wedding socks (as long as those get done in time) and I will wear a fabulous sundress (thank you Teri for helping me find a damn pattern!) with an absolutely stunning knitted shawl (thank you Chery!) that will make me look like a million bucks but will not make it SEEM like I'm trying to look like a million bucks. I will be that magical 15 lbs lighter. What dream world? It could all happen. In less than six weeks. While I'm learning a new job. And doing the supermom run-around crap that we all have to do. sure. It could happen.

Did I mention this sweater was made with luscious yarn for under $20? $4.80/skein and I used almost all of 4 skeins for the size S but added about 3 inches in length. Seriously, how much does that rock? Go on and make you one.

At least I have a rockin' new sweater, huh? OH, and the whole promising no more pitt shots while I learn to use the timer function on my camera? Did anyone actually think that would happen? Yeah. That's the risk you take reading this blog. There. May. Be. Pitts. But there'll be lots of yummy yarn to equalize the whole ick factor.

Mini post....I have news!

Ok, so started and finished another picovoli sweater out of luscious alpaca that I got at MisKnits. Pictures soon.....

But I HAVE AN ACTUAL WEDDING DATE NOW!!! AND honeymoon dates. AND the plane tickets are purchased. The marriage license is applied for. All systems are GO, people! This damn wedding and trip has been set up and cancelled for one reason or another at least four freaking times. Now, it's legit. ....too legit...too legit to quit....too legit....too legit to quit...heeeeeyyyyyyy How sad is it that I'm still stuck in 80's music mode for every major life decision? It's like my life has a little sound track. Remember Ally McBeal? or whatever that show was? She had little dancing babies and Al Green's voiceovers in her head. I'm not quite to that point yet. not quite.

More details later, I promise. We're getting married in a little bitty ceremony here in KC and the week later heading for the Bahamas! Wedding date is April 19th. Guess I'd better get my butt moving on knitting up those wedding socks for the groom, huh?

You know they're good socks when they give you flashbacks

First, the cute stuff. Free pattern: Capitan by Rosie G.. Yarn: Galway chunky 100% wool. Needles: 10's. I made three of these puppies. I saw them on Tiennie's blog and fell in love with this pattern. Lizzie thinks it's a keeper. The other two are going to her cousins. The pattern has this cute little tab across the brim with two big buttons on it, but being that a) I'm lazy; and b) I want INSTANT gratification; theses were made sans cute tab.

Yes, I do realize those don't quite match my shirt. But I like them anyway. This pair of socks has really got me thinking. Remembering. I haven't matched my socks to my outfits since the mid 80's and early 90's. I wouldn't just match my socks to the polo shirt I wore, with collar flipped up, of course. Oh no, I'd match TWO pairs of socks one folded "just so" on top of the other one so they both showed with my penny loafers and denim mini to the TWO polo shirts I wore on top of the other with the collars flipped up to show both in all their matchingness glory.

This little trip down memory lane took me to the day when orange became my personal superpower color. My aunt took me for the weekend. We'd had our colors done (very 80's, no?) and it turned out this bright, obnoxious orange color was my "personal best" shade. I thought I would barf. Then my aunt found a little shop in Prairie Village that sold clothes based on your colors, or seasons or whatever the heck it was. So, three hours later I was the proud owner of 5 new outfits, one of whom I detested. It was an obnoxiously bright orange cotton short sleeved cabled sweater with a white full cotton skirt with an orange print of some kind. It appeared to be a package deal, the orange monstrosity and the other cool clothes or nothing at all. So, the orange outfit came home with me.

I'd be reminded to pull it out for special events. I'd put it on grudgingly, but then it turned out that whenever I wore it, good things happened. I'd get an A in the presentation I had to do at school. I'd beat my arch-enemy/rival for the flute first chair challenge. I'd get asked out by whatever boy I dreamed was the coolest that week. Because I believed I was unstoppable in that damn sweater, I really was. I think I wore it to shreds. I think this is why my subconscious went insane and decided to order orange and green glasses a few months ago. Seriously? Who gets ORANGE glasses? I know, they look "coppery" on me in just the right light. They're still orange. I finally realized THAT's why I lost my mind that day. It was the sweater all over again. They must not have inherited the super powers as I was wearing them when I backed into the neighbor's car last month. Damn prius. Just wrote a check for $925 to get that fixed.

Then, when knitting with my dear friend Chery, she mentioned that she had some bright orange cascade 220 that just wasn't working out in the sweater she'd planned and did I think I'd want it? Oh yeah. Come to me orange yarn, come to me!

OK, so last flashback now, I promise. I remembered how I could stand on one foot and lift the other foot behind my head. I thought hey, how cute of a picture would it be to hold my foot up in front of my shirt? Yeah. Well, I'm a few months of 40 now, and it almost killed me to get my foot to my damn waist.

So the real world hasn't killed me yet...

Survived my first official day on the new job. Temporary job, but new job. Good people, good work, hope it lasts a while longer. What better way to reward myself than a trip to the local yarn shop? Oh, and a call to another yarn shop? HEY, that's what I do.

First, some progress on yet another pair of socks. I'm re-falling in love with my socks that rock sock club yarn from last year. Yes, this is the first skein that's actually been knit, I'm working on it. I have totally lost my freaking sock knitting ability. I've screwed up the last 3 socks I've made and then while knitting along on the 2nd sock, making sure to decrease to the same screwed-up number as I did on the first sock of the pair, somehow decided to start a heel flap. Not a problem, except I'd ALREADY TURNED THE DAMN HEEL on this sock about half an inch before. Don't you think I'd notice something like TWO HEELS on a sock? OK, I did notice, but it took me about 6 rows into the heel flap before thinking, hmmmmmm something doesn't seem quite right here. Nice knitting, dumbass.

Did you know they now give a burgandy tote when you buy $100 at Knit Wit? Wanna know how I know that? Like I said, rewarding myself. I picked up a cool pattern booklet, an amazingly adorable knitted sheep pattern, 5 skeins of heaven, 2 skeins of Cascade 220 in a light grey to do some colorwork on a few hats. Yes, COLORWORK. When discussing this new idea with the Jo's (Jo Minor and Jo Major), it turns out that when they last brought up the idea to me long ago I had a yelling hissy fit over the futility of me ever, ever, EVER knitting with more than one color at one time. I remembered it as more of a quiet reluctance, but ah well. I'm swatching and practicing and it hasn't killed me yet. Pictures soon.

The 5 skeins of heaven? Only the most amazingly cool stuff I picked up today. It looks a bit like natural silk and feels as close to heaven as I think cotton can ever aspire to. Artesanal yarns from Aslan Trends. 40% cotton, 30% alpaca and 30% polyamid. Each skein has 218 yards and works up at 4 stitches/inch on 8-10 US needles. Oh my holy hell. When I fondled the swatch, I HAD to have it. It doesn't look nearly as amazing as it is in person, just take my word for it. It will become some form of a lacy tank for summer.


OH and the call was to MisKnits for a cone of wool to make up a sweater. It's a lighter version of navy blue and it's going to have to let me know which of 4 sweaters it's wanting to become. Much swatching ahead. While there a few weeks ago as a reward for getting the job I picked up some reaaaaaaaaaaaly pretty sock yarn. Apparently I am the queen of rationalization....yarn reward for getting a job....yarn reward for going to the job....I'm afraid I see yarn reward for when the job is over coming as well. Trekking Hand Art in beautiful blues and deep dark colors. I think they'll become a pair of wedding socks for my hubby-to-be. I can't see him actually WEARING the wool socks on the boat in Abaco (Bahamas) but I figure they look like how he's described the colors of the ocean once you get out to the really deep parts. Looks like the wedding on the boat thing is getting closer to actually happening! We've narrowed it down to the end of April. Anyone else freaking out that it's only 2 months until I'd be wearing a bikini and TAKING PICTURES???? No? Well, I'm freaking out for the both of us. Not working-out-constantly-and-dieting freaking out, but still-eating-brownies-for-breakfast-occasionally and freaking out in my head. Maybe I'll just make sure everyone knows that pictures will be from the waist up. Or I could be in the water (with the sharks and lion fish and barracudas) the whole time. Giving up the brownies might be less painful.

Who needs chocolates and roses?

Jeff called and said he hoped I wasn't expecting a dinner out and flowers (I wasn't since we've got his boys and my two kids and NO ONE'S getting anything romantic with all that going on), because he's got a special Valentine's Day present for me....

OK, so this is a picture of another version of our new (very used and slightly smelly) 1998 Starcraft Venture. Ours is sitting in storage down in the Ozarks. Pictures of ours will come in the spring when this bad boy gets put on the road. See how the name is SOOOOOOOOOO much cooler than the actual object? I'm totally going to say "Make it SO, Number One" and "Engage!" every freaking time we leave town with this thing. (Yes, I'm a total Star Trek dork) Besides, I'm marrying a man who is, in fact, NATURE MAN and this piece of metal and canvas puts that one more layer between me and all that great outdoors crap. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for it. The last few times we went camping we survived horrid winds, floods and bug infestations. I can be a couple of steps ABOVE the dirt and creepy crawlies in this thing. I like the great outdoors, I just really, REALLY like coming back INSIDE from it as well.

In my mind I'll be Elizabeth Zimmermanningly knitting as we camp our way across the USA (or across parts of Kansas and Missouri anyway). Yes, I know she spent her camping jaunts with a piece of canvas and cooking on a fire on a rock. This is about as nature-girl as I get. Since we're getting closer to buying our land in the middle of tick-hell country, this will allow me to stay in something where the thousands of critters trying to eat me alive will have a little more obstacles to get through while we stay over on the weekends working on our land. I'd buy stock in a bug spray company soon, people. The sales are going to SKYROCKET.

I've totally lost my sock knitting ability. NOT ONLY did I knit one smooshy sock on 64 stitches in my normal pattern but then knit the 2nd one on 60 stitches and only realized this AFTER turning the heel, but I totally screwed up the sock I picked up to make myself feel better about the first screw up. Cripes! I knit socks as my "when the world is getting too hard and I need something to knit without thinking" projects. Now I can't even think my way through them? Nice. So, it's nothing any NORMAL knitter would worry about. Just us entirely-too-anal ones. Yes, I KNOW the smooshy pair are only one rib off (K3,P1) but it makes my brain bleed to see how big the size difference is. I'm going to frog the 2nd one and reknit it. Put it away for later, picked up the fun and bright and cheery STR yarn and cranked out a sock on 64 stitches in 3X1 rib, just like usual. Then apparently, I forgot that half of 64 is actually 32 stitches, knit the entire foot with 32 pattern 3X1 rib top and 36 stockinette stitches on the bottom. Then knit most of the toe as if I knew how to count, saw I somehow had 4 stitches more on the top than the bottom. Frogged it back to the starts of the decreases thinking surely I must have over-decreased on the top EVEN THOUGH the pretty line of decreases looked just right and KNIT IT AGAIN and ended up with 4 extra stitches. At least this time I figured it out while trying to get the stitches lined up back on the needles. I frogged back a little farther, reorganized the stitches so they're evenly placed around and knit up the toe. It looks just fine and fits loverly. I've even written down notes to tell me when to do the "pattern element" aka "screw-up-fixer" so the 2nd one matches the first.

I think I'm going to get going on a colorwork hat. Maybe something complicated will be easier than my usually easy stuff.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

PS--I avoided all barf, Joey got better very quickly and I even sat down next to Jeff's ex at one of the basketball games last weekend and explained that, shoot, with having to get a real job now I just won't be able to take care of her sick boys every time she needs to dump them and run let us spend extra quality time with them. Shoot. I think I was blunt enough that she got the picture. I have no problem with helping out, but it was getting a bit much.

You know what? I'm totally excited about my V-Day present. I'm gonna ROCK the camping out thing now.

Dodging the barf

First of all, the knitting news. I have been cranking along on my laced-front ribbed sweater. It's very pretty. I just noticed as I laid it out that I've very smartly made mirrored increases and decreases and all the like, but TOTALLY FUXXED UP the bind off shoulder edge on one of the fronts. damn. Ah well, I've already frogged this damn thing back 3 times to screw with the non-mirrored-looking neckline so what's one more time? At least it's just about 6 rows on not much stitches. I've got to make up the sleeves, put it all together and hold my breath to see if it actually fits. NOW I'm seeing why I'm such a fan of in-the-round knitting. You can try it on as you go. Ah well, if it's too small it'll go to my daughter.

You know those cutesy little games at baby showers where they ask you to give a piece of advice to the new mom-to-be? I used to say something stupid like take a nap when your baby naps. Yeah, from now on, I'm giving her a barf bucket with the following instructions...Keep this barf bucket within easy reach next to your bed at all times. Do not get comfortable thinking your children are in 2nd grade (or 5th grade) and can make it to the bathroom and take care of themselves. ALWAYS have a barf bucket ready to grab and run and thrust in front of a child's face in a matter of seconds. A small plastic trash can works best. BUT not to be used as a trash can, that slows down the whole getting-it-into position. Put TWO plastic grocery bags inside. Trust me, use both. You don't wanna be cleaning up anything that may soak through one bag. Then put in a couple of paper towels. DO THIS. I used to do this. I even kept a barf bucket handy until about a year ago but then got lazy. Let me tell you, the things that come out of children over the age of 8 stain a lot worse than things that come out of little babies.

SO, back to the barf dodging. Earlier in the week, Jeff's ex was leaving their oldest boy home from school with a "low fever" of around 102-103. I'd hate to see what a high fever is. I said, OK, bring him over. I quarantined him in an area with the tv remote and seven-up. He got picked up later that day and apparently barfed the night away. I cloroxed the crap out of the house and hoped for the best. Then had to go visit the new job's office and got the OTHER stepson dropped off also with "just a low fever" but he began barfing upon entering the house. Nice. I LITERALLY had to jump out of the way of flying nastiness in order to make it to the new job without wearing puke. Nothing like a nice, calm entry back into the business world, huh? Well, guess what? The little barfing bug is working its way through the family. Joey's school called and he's got the barfs too. Damn. At least my kids and I've gotten the flu shot each year, so when Jeff's boys bring it over (just like twice last year and once already this year) it hits my kids with usually just one night of ickiness instead of the 2-3 days of crap his boys get. I keep trying to point out to his ex that if they got the flu shots, they may not be getting this crap in the first place, let alone bringing it into my house. She just said, "OK, Thanks, Christine, got to get to work now, bye" when her youngest starting heaving the other morning THIRTY SECONDS after they opened the door. After coordinating with Jeff on caring for these sickies I pointed out that since I'm no longer going to be working from home, this kind of stuff needs to find another way of working itself out. Man, if you hear the words "my stomach..." don't wait for the rest of the "hurts", it'll be too late and you'll be out buying carpet cleaner. Trust me.

ICK! I'm off to re-wash my hands and frog the top of the right front piece of my sweater. And prepare more barf buckets.

Able to yell again

Well, last time we talked, I had lost my job, backed into the neighbor's car and set myself on fire. Good times. Since then things have settled down a bit. I lost my voice, got a temporary job that could maybe turn into something longer, got my voice back, lost my voice again and found out that something is munching away in my sock drawer.

I was so stressed out last week that I didn't even KNIT for three whole days. I don't think I've gone three days without knitting since back in 2004 when I learned how. It amazed me. Three days. Then I started thinking, wow, is that NORMAL? Do you guys knit that much? I don't mean all day, every day, but a little in the evenings or when waiting for kids at basketball practice and as a little break after the day at work is over? Do you guys have the local yarn shops saved on your cell phones too? Or is it just me?

I'm normally a pretty shiny, happy kind of a person. Life doesn't often get me down. But when stress gets too much for me, my body just kind of picks some strange thing to do and goes crazy with it. Bad divorce and sick baby? Hives from head to toe that WON'T GO AWAY, tons of allergy meds, steriods, and relaxation techniques. Crazy white-van-with-no-windows-driving Stalker Man? Hair fell out in clumps and put on 40 lbs in 2 months. Lose comfy job and have to go back to the real world? Throat closes the hell up. I couldn't hardly breathe. I finally was able to massage my muscles and give myself a talking to and relax things enough to breathe and swallow again, but my voice was gone. Whisper with an occasional croak. Whenever the heart rate got pumping and that freakout feeling came back I'd have to stop to rub my throat to be able to just breathe normally. Seriously freaked me out as this lasted for almost a week.

That's when I got the call back and had to do some negotiating for the temporary independent contractor gig. Yup, I sounded like a damn frog that was going through puberty. Long story short, I got the job. I've got funds coming in soon and I'll just see where this takes me. The BEST part is that I've got a little flexibility and can still be home in the afternoons with the kids most of the time. sweet. This will help me get through to the spring (hopefully) and then I'll figure out what to do for the summer and beyond.

I also survived a weekend with all four children with NO VOICE. I always knew I was a yelling mom. I don't yell often, but when I do, it's LOUD and it WORKS. I'm fine with that. The only problem is I yell a LOT more when we've got all four here. Sometimes this house is so freaking loud that a good HEY! is about all that will cut through the noise to get anyone's attention. I needed an air horn. Next time I freak out and can't talk I'm getting me an air horn.

The voice was just starting to come to a low whisper level when I took 3 of the 4 monsters out for a day at Shawnee Mission Park last Sunday. It was so beautiful outdoors, in the upper 40's and low 50's that it felt like summer after that week of temps in the teens. Jeff had taken his youngest boy to ski up near Weston, MO so it was just me and the rest of the gang. David (Jeff's oldest) asked if he and Joey could hike down from the playground to see the ice on the lake and I said "Yes, but make sure you look out for Joey." It was a good LONG way down to the lake. I went off to get our picnic lunch carried down from the truck and was setting it up in the shelter. Elizabeth yelled out, "MOM, I think you'd better come see this!" I go running over to the top of the hill and the two boys are in the MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING LAKE ON THE ICE! OH my holy hell. I had NO VOICE. (and apparently no mind working to tell me to have Elizabeth yell for me). I scream-whispered GET OFF THE ICE! NOW! GET OFF THE ICE! It was this freaky horror movie sound effect thing that echoed through the hills. The boys looked up and saw me and apparently the mom-eye works from afar as they boogied themselves to the edge of the ice again. When Elizabeth and I hiked down there (a big-ass brush and tree covered hill) I asked David what part of "look out for Joey" didn't he understand. He said, "What? We had sticks." Yes, they were tapping the ice with the sticks. Then came a lesson in what happens when little boys are in the middle of the ice over a 30 foot deep lake by themselves with only a stick and the temperatures are WARMING UP. We all promised that none of us would go out onto frozen ice without a grown up with them to help pull them out and get help should something happen. cripes almighty. I did let the kids slide around for about another half hour but made everyone stay within 10 feet of the shore. Voice was officially gone once again. I also learned that I need to be a bit more detailed than "look out for Joey" to include "don't place my boy in mortal danger please." kids. Yes, I've TOTALLY gone sliding around on a frozen lake with a few cousins and no parents involved when I was a kid too, but it's a whole lot different from the mom-side of things.

Also in the last week I've now found holes in FOUR of my knitted socks. Of course, it's one sock each from FOUR PAIR of socks. grrrrrrrrr.... Now, being a woman who takes care of her feet, I'm thinking it's not just a coincidence that each of these socks suddenly sprang new holes. damn damn damn. I've microwaved all my socks and am finding a new place to keep them to see if I can quit feeding the yarn munching bastards, whatever they may be.

I'm back to knitting and even decided it was safe to crank out on a sweater again and give the freaky sock knitting a break. Ok, I'm still knitting socks, just not with every moment of my time. I finished the back and half the right front on the ribbed lace-front sweater from that Lingerie Style book in cascade 220 heathery blue. I'm LOVING this yarn. It's turning out spot on for gauge, but sure looks long and skinny. really skinny. I keep stretching it out and holding it up to me and it seems to look ok, but damn this thing will be form-fitting. I made one of the larger sizes and it's still really skinny. Guess this is why I should be knitting it in the damn round so I could be trying it on. Yeah. I know. Good thing I'm a process knitter and love the getting-there and don't mind frogging big projects, huh? I'm interested to see how this one turns out.