Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Is it Friday yet?

"If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people."
--Jim Eason

Bad hair day, bad attitude day.

Man, that was the longest day at work. I was like a little ADHD kid, ok a big ADHD kid, just bouncing off the walls. I must have gone up the long stairs to the sunlight 5 times just to be able to breathe. The last time I got this feeling like I was being held in a dungeon and if you look way, way up you can see the tiny window with sunlight filtering down...that basement thing is getting to me. I also think the place is riddled with mold above the ceiling tiles and around the walls...everyone's ALWAYS sick...but then I think some take advantage of the fact that everyone's calling in sick...who would do such a thing????

I'm too excited that my daughter wants a matching poncho for each of us. She's just barely young enough to still want to match and dress like her mom. OK, I'm a dork, but I think it's cute. I have a picture somewhere of me & my mom in matching (swear to God) lime green bell-bottom pantsuits in the wild wild 70's. I've got to find it somewhere. I'm surprised I didn't destroy it when I was a snotty teenager.

Worked a little on Joey's camo scarf, but my mind is on getting started on Beth & my ponchos. I'm going to complete hers before I even get the pattern for the adult version or start to think about my yarn.....must resist....making myself finish some of the ongoing projects before spending any more $$ on yarn.

Monday, August 30, 2004

My mojo's back!

"The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around."
--Herb Caen

Don't get me wrong, I'm not an atheist. I'm a good little Catholic girl (learned to drink and gamble with the best of them). BUT I'm a little tired of hypocritical holier-than-thou-while-I'm-actually-a-snake-when-I-think-no-one's looking crap I'm having to put up with on an almost daily basis. Don't want to go into too much detail there, but I'll just call him Preacher-Man for now. We've crossed the line from slightly unethical to downright NOT right. I just shake my head and get out of the way.

Signs that my myteriously-GONE mojo is back......

#1--> My hair was Fabulous today. Nowhere to go, no one to see, but the hair was workin' again.

#2--> Got pulled over by the KS Highway patrol and did NOT get a ticket. Didn't even try to get out of it, just thank God for large black men who like Sinatra and a sassy sense of humor. There can't be too many of them out there, and I'm lucky to be pulled over by one. I was stuck in the construction traffic on I435....lots of cones, no activity WHATSOEVER...and after waiting an eternity, when it opened up, one foot past the last cone I hit the gas, slipped to the far left lane and boogied. Almost got blown off the road by a woman I swear was 90 yrs old --couldn't see much but the top of her head as she BLEW past half-way in MY lane. Cruised on I35, got pulled over by the really tall officer. I asked him, "are you sure you can pull me over here? Is this your jurisdiction?" And he responded "is this a Kansas Highway you're on?" guess that answered that. I also asked why he didn't pull over the grandma that went flying by and he said because he liked my music better. I laughed at him and asked, "then what was I listening to?" and he said "sinatra". He also said he couldn't have known what I was cruising along to if I didn't have every window open and the music up and wasn't I hot in the 85 degree sun? I told him, no, because I also had the air conditioning on. He rolled his eyes and went back to see if I was an axe-murderer with a warrant out for my arrest. I must have passed muster as he gave me a paper to sign but NOT a ticket. woo hoo...

#3--> Had a young thing come on to me in the grocery store at 10pm tonight. It's been so freaking long since I've been flirting anywhere that it took me a while to figure out this cute little guy was following me in the grocery store. He asked some question about the organic section of the store (we have a sad little shelf, not a section at the local Price Chopper), then later at the milk dept. he opened the door for me and scooted my basket over for me to put the milk into. I smiled, then figured out, OH... Then at checkout time he ended up right behind me asking which school I go to...he's home for the weekend from KU law school. I said, oh honey, I'm old old old but thanks for making me feel young again. On the way to my car I thought what the heck, then figured great hair, mojo back, AND the little case of teenage acne zits on my chin must have really worked together to give me the "young" look. Who needs wrinkle cream to look young when you get a zit on your chin?

Did absolutely NO knitting today, and was jonesin' for it. Missed the olympics, as I got some serious work done in front of the old tv with the needles. Packed up the new yarn I bought this weekend to take back tomorrow, tried again to make the strange combo work, and it's not an enjoyable thing.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

I give up--yarn's going BACK to the shop

Well, I can't stand it any longer. I've started 5 times now on the stupid yarn combo of the slick and the knotty. Made it through almost 6 rows of the ribbing, can't see the damn stitches because the black is so dark, even in great light, concentrating my little heart out. I've found a store online that has the original Pixel yarn used in the pattern, and I'm going to return the unused skeins to the yarn shop and see if she'll order the yarn in for me. If not, I'll order online. I dropped a stitch and couldn't catch it and the dang thing slipped so fast it was scary.

In the meantime, I was so in a knitting mood that I pulled out Joey's camouflage looking scarf to be and worked a few more inches on it.

We took the library by storm today, I'm afraid. Good thing they have the kids' part down in the basement. We ran by Aunt Angie's playground (across the street from my aunt's house) and the kids ran off some serious energy.

Back to the basement of doom tomorrow....

This tank top is going to be the death of me

I swear, it's a good thing I'm exceptionally stubborn, or this tank top might just start pissing me off. SO, went to the new shiny happy yarn store in OP, KS. Love it there, it's open, friendly, lots of good magazines & books and pretty yarns, but no one there can make suggestions for yarn substitutions or give much help beyond very basic needs. Maybe they are there, but the few times I've needed help and been ready to spend $$ I left there with empty hands and a frustrated attitude. Went to the old tiny Knit Wit in Olathe, and the owner, shop employees and customers were amazing. I ended up with a ton of choices for the gauge and look of the sexy tank I want to stitch. I was also warned by both the owner and one of the customers that I should really think about starting something a little less complicated, but then the customer helped me find a combination of yarns that I could at least see the stitches of....

That said, I'm going INSANE. But, I'm on the 3rd start now. This stuff is a combo of the slickest fibers I've ever touched and a knotted little skinny yarn as well. Trendsetter yarns in Sunshine (shiny black) and Tahki Yarns Pansy which when rolled up in a little ball, is a gorgeous mix of greens and neutrals, when unstrung, is a skinny, knotted MESS, but still looks good. The gauge swatches I scanned don't do justice to this, it looks pretty cool when worked up. The other fun part of this is it is impossible for me to rip out and start up again, I just give up, slip it off the kneedles, cut it and toss it. Good thing I got extra yarn.

I also picked up some yarn and a kids' poncho pattern for when I get too frustrated to deal with the tank (like NOW) to make for Beth.

Didn't do much this weekend, went to Barbie Man & Tool-Man's house to hang out and watch a movie, ate too much, exercised too little, and spent a lot of time hanging with the kids. Today we're off to the library and the park. Should be a good time. I'm bringing the poncho along, leaving the tank-to-be in the closet.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Survived the week, well almost

"Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain."
--Billie Holiday

So, still have the job, just a little more work to go with the same old pay. Life goes on. I've got to start doing eBay again or I'm going to be beyond poor.

GOT my double-pointed needles for the I-cord on the felted purse last night. I sat down, watched the US men get booed forever before their race finally started and i-corded my little heart out. It was amazing! I now have the 50" strap and the little closure strap done. I've just got to sew it together and then I get to FELT! I'm too excited. I've also got to figure out my washing machine. It's one of those things with buttons and computer chips and crap. I'm not sure how to get it to agitate over & over, but I guess I'll find out.

Spent an hour in the new Yarn Store in OP. Wandered around and fell in love with this amazing poncho that has long cuffs and a ribbed neckline. The yarn to make it would be $96 plus tax plus needles. I've found a million more reasonable poncho's that would take a lot less yarn, but this one has STYLE. I tried to get the mystic & mystique yarn used in the easy tank in the Girlfriend's book, but they hadn't even heard of it, let alone stock it. Have to check in Olathe and on the web. I'm sure I could substitute, but I thought until I learned what the heck I was doing, it would be good to use the yarn it was designed in. Still think I have to have the cool poncho...can't decide. They also didn't have any angora. I wanted to make up one of the keyhole scarves to see how they turned out for xmas presents, but will have to try to find that elsewhere as well.

Going to work out and get measured. UGH. This should be motivational, as I've been a lazy ass these last 2 weeks...

Jildo's coming to visit this weekend! woo hoo! Can't wait to see her. Also can't find a damn babysitter, so it'll probably be a slow night, but we can stay up late talking and eating and all that good girl-stuff.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Dead bugs

"It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up."
--Somerset Maughan

Man, I was asleep by 10pm last night, got up at 6:15 this am, and felt good. I could have slept all freaking day, but then I would have missed out on this exciting day at work. I realized I average about 5 hours of sleep a night, which can't be good for the bod or the soul. I don't think I could get to bed before 10pm on a normal schedule, maybe I should aim for midnight and take baby steps towards 11.

Our kitchen here at work is covered in dead bugs. Kind of gross, actually. Apparently someone else is a good bug squisher, but they left the little carcasses on the floor....A children's song came to mind...

one little, two little, three dead roly polies,
four little, five little, six dead roly polies,
seven little, eight little, nine dead roly polies,
ten dead roly polies on the kitchen floor.

Yup, gotta get out of here and get a life.

The hateful one also does the office cleaning, no actually she gets PAID to do the cleaning, but there's the same little spots on the bathroom floor (I think they're poo but I'm not getting closer to investigate) have been there for over a month now. The owners are in town this week, you think that would inspire her to at least clean the poo and the dead bugs, but I'm not in charge, thank god.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

I felt like a red-headed step-child

"The computer is down. I hope it's something serious."
--Stanton Delaplane

Man, today was just wierd at work. If I were a paranoid person I'd start working on the old resume, yeah, right, I'm paranoid about everything at work and I'm lazy, so will probably get fired and then have to scramble to find something... Man, everyone was touchy touchy touchy today. I quietly hid in my little coner office away from everyone and everything. The big bosses are stressed, the crabby people are seriously BITCHY and the crazies are crazier, and the hateful one was in rare form. I left to take my daughter to the dr. to make sure her head was ok after her little head injury incident and REALLY didn't want to come back. I started thinking they were going to fire me because not one of the owners would make eye contact or conversation with me, then I realized they're stressing all over and I'm too busy to fire now. They'd be smart enough to make me work my ass off first, THEN get rid of me when things settle down. Then I thought, who else would take this job at this pay???? no one. just little old me.

I'm stealing a pic from Steph's blog as I almost peed my pants when I was checking out this chic's drawings:http://www.nataliedee.com/

I am a dork, I'll admit it. I decided I want to keep a swatch of each of the items I knit along with my journal. Then I started looking at these boring little squares, thinking, I should make a miniature scarf of the pattern & yarn of each of the scarves I've made so far. Then I thought, how cute would it be to make a tiny little felted purse?? It would probably make me go insane creating it, but anyway the tiny little scarves are looking cute. I'll attach a pic later. I had an absolute blast and now my little girl wants Barbie scarves and my son wants a scarf for his stuffed Scooby Doo and "Cheetah" who is actually a leopard. I was just killing time as I didn't want to start up a new project while the kids were up and running around, so now our little stuffed animals will be ready for the big winter weather.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Knitting Decisions -- Tank Tops

"Moral victories don't count."
--Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower

I can't decide what I want to do for my first tank top. I'm impatient. No, really. I want to make the sexy, shaped, classy tank I scanned earlier from the magazine, but there's a lot of shaping and expensive yarn and all that. I am trying to convince myself to do the smart thing and start with a simple tank that knits quickly and easily to learn on, but I want the good stuff NOW. Oh well, maybe I'll start with this one from The Yarn Girls' Guide to Simple Knits book:

I also am going to make a bunch of these quick angora one-skein button-hole scarves for the more conservative ladies in the family for Xmas presents:

OK, I'll do the conservative, easier tank now and then do the sexy thing later. I've GOT to have this one to go out in before my group gets together for its Xmas party/Westport/Downtown pub crawl:

Nope, I'm not one of those knitters who only knits for others or for charity or some such nonsense. I want it ALL. I enjoy making funky scarves for friends and my kids, but man, there are TOO many cute things out there that I want for me me me. Selfish, maybe. That's me.

They haven't fired me yet...

"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament."
--Florynce Kennedy

Isn't that the damn truth? That about sums it up. I'm now the evil one at work as I'm the rebel "liberal" (Democrat) baby-killing (pro-choice, gasp) woman who's put the sanctity of marriage on the line (nope, not by being twice divorced, but by having gay friends). Gasp again. I've GOT to learn to keep my mouth SHUT at work. One little comment turns into this snowball rolling down the hill that will demolish whole settlements at the bottom of the cliff.

Also spoke up at the wrong time in a meeting and almost kicked myself as I did it. SHUT SHUT SHUT the mouth. Nothing changes and I just end up with more work.

Update on the big tournament. I started off hot and looked like I knew what I was doing. I had all these people coming up to me thinking I was from out of town and asking ME for tips. Ha ha ha. THEN 3 games to go, bowled a stinking 159 and watched all those pretty bonus pins I'd earned go down the drain. Couldn't come back from that and finished out of the finals. Oh well. Good thing was I was apparently in better shape than I've been in for years as I was able to still throw the ball and wasn't dying by the 5th game. I was proud of myself anyway, I won a couple of brackets and beat the KC chics I wanted to finish ahead of. Yup, I'm petty. That's part of my charm.

Friday, August 20, 2004

White Girl Lucky Monkey Necklace Powers

"It's okay if you don't know what you're doing, no one else does either. At least you look better doing it."
--Simply She Journal

Got out the "White Girl Lucky Monkey Necklace" from the Chicago trip adventures in Chicago. Hope the luck works here in KC. It apparently doesn't work for birds, as I tagged one on the way home from the practice session. I tried to slow down, but there was heavy traffic and I mean feathers went EVERYWHERE. It wasn't pretty. A four-door Blazer vs a black bird at about 45 miles an hour, I'm betting on the Blazer.

If I make money, no, make that WHEN I make money this weekend, I'm going SHOPPING at the new OP shop for YARN YARN YARN and some new needles. Can't wait!! I spent about 3 hours last night when I should have been sleeping looking on eBay and on all these great yarn company sites, just drooling on my little laptop.

Gotta try to look like I know what I'm doing and maybe faking it will work tomorrow too, who knows?

Breakfast of Champions

"The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it's the opposition."
--Nick Seitz

SO, loved the olympics last night. Is that little American gymnast Patterson the cutest thing ever? OMG I was so into her flips and smile and all that. Hope she gets lots of commercials out of it. That Russian stick of a girl was KILLING me. Each time she flipped I cringed, sure she would just snap in half. I kept waiting for a bony leg or arm to go flying off and the judges to talk about the style with which she lost her limbs. I couldn't stand it. Then the chick would suck in her cheeks before a big jump/flip thing and it just gave me the willies. I had to eat 2 damn cinnamon rolls to make up for it. I know it didn't help her skinny, anorexic ass, but it made me feel much better.

Went out for my little practice session and sign in and all that at Gladstone, MO. Threw the new bowling ball as well as my fave Hammer. Actually looked like I knew what I was doing, could get a little cocky if I'm not careful. I just want to make finals SO bad. The evil little competitor comes out in me in those occasions. They had ME signed up to bowl the Pro-Am with some poor little bowlers who wanted to bowl with a real professional lady bowler. I got out of it barely by playing the single-mom card. You know, a lot of things suck about being a single momma, but you can really work it when you need it! Thank God, otherwise I would have had to stay out there at Gladstone Bowl till almost 8pm bowling and try not to get beat by the yahoos there and look like a no-talent fool.

I'm going to combine my knit blog and this blog. I'm tired of typing things twice.

Russell & Mark are going out Sat. night to Missy B's and then out on the town with Russell's grad school group. I can't go because I have to be supermom. My folks are home so I'd get "the look" if I went out and left my children with my cousin. SO, I needed some extra rest anyway, but Mark almost never gets out with Russell anymore and I WANNA GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE. I've been stuck at home a few weekends too many.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Bad Hair/Attitude Day

"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."
--Charles Schultz

So, woke up with a not stellar attitude. Took a shower, decided my hair wasn't all that bad, but I wasn't going to do a damn thing to it other than brush it. Got out the KC Royals hat. The best thing about wearing a hat is you can totally be antisocial and no one notices. It's like an invisibility cloak, you dip your head ever so slightly, no eye contact. Just right for me today. Except for the candle incident. I can't start a lighter without burning my stupid thumb, and I can't strike a match the normal way. I've got to fold the book over backwards and pull the match out and it lights. I got ahold of a super match or something because the thing flared up and almost lit the brim of my hat on fire. Scared the crap out of me and I almost dropped the thing in my lap. That'll wake you up.

Got the new pretty bowling ball all ready to go. Hope it won't fall off my thumb. we'll see. I'm so poor this week, I'm going to have to make money at the tournament this weekend, extra incentive. School supplies, clothes, school fees, book fees, lunch fees, CHILD CARE fees...I'm getting tired of eating sandwiches from home. I know, I know "Smart Women Finish First" book says you need to resist temptation to spend a few dollars here and there so you don't live perpetually poor (as I do). I was very proud of myself for driving PAST the Subway next to the bowl pro shop today. BUT proud doesn't taste nearly as good as a stufft burrito from Taco Bell or a grilled chicken sandwich from Subway.

Jildo's Keyhole Scarf is DONE

"There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers."
--Robert Orben

Went to my son's mandatory preschool orientation meeting. TWO HOUR mandatory meeting, even though my son has gone to this preschool for the last 2 years. Got smart, brought along my keyhole scarf, knitted my little heart out...knit one pearl one knit one pearl one...and FINISHED IT! Woo hoo! Got to weave in the ends and it's on it's way to Jildo!

While I was knitting away, I kept feeling these two women staring at me. A lot of people glance at you when you're knitting in public, trying to figure just what in the hell you're doing, but these chics were STARING at me. They each came up after the meeting and one used to knit years ago and forgot how. The other is dying to learn. I told them we should start a little mom's group for when we're at these things.

I re-familiarized the old knitter with the basics again and felt like such the knitting goddess. I need to stick in an extra pair of needles and a hank of yarn to take out with me. Kind of scary, the knitting virgin teaching others... but it was fun too.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

My little stash

"Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself."
--Rita Mae Brown

OK, we need more details here. My first scarf I knit was from the memorable women line from Schaefer Yarns. I used Helen Keller and it turned out SO cute and colorful. I've lived my life wearing black, black, black, white, white, white and khaki, khaki, khaki. I've decided to bring some color into my life. I was so proud of it and loved it so that I wore it all winter, spring and even pulled it out this summer a few times.

Jildo's scarf is also from the memorable women line of Schaefer Yarns, in Margaret Sanger. Her story is pretty cool, in 1916, she opened the first birth control clinic. After being arrested many times, she ended up the first president for Planned Parenthood International. I was so inspired that even in the early 1900's this woman was brave enough to speak out and act out for helping women control their own lives. I also love the vibrant colors and the bumpy texture. I'll make my daughter's winter scarf from this as well once I take a break and finish my felted party purse.

My son doesn't like being left out as most of the knitting patterns I've found so far are "too girly" for my tough 4 1/2 yr old little man. One of the older ladies hanging out at the Olathe shop suggested another Schaefer Yarn that looks like camouflage when knitted up, so that will be Joey's scarf this winter. He's all excited.

My felted party purse is being knitted with 2 strands of Noro Kureyon color yarn. It's GORGEOUS. I can't wait to make a hat & scarf from it for me.

Knitted Bikini?? Are you kidding me??

You're not fat, you're in the wrong country."
--Denise Walker

OK, the only knitters I've met in KC are either older, a touch chubby, or men. Probably the combination of being the fattest city in America, bar-b-que, and sitting on our butts knitting and watching tv. Looking at magazines, books and all over the internet I keep seeing these knitted bikini patterns. I started thinking, just who the hell is skinny enough to wear one of those?? Are these chubby women (like me) getting a little too "knitters gone wild" and wearing these in public? Then I remembered the whole NYC area has all the trendy little knitting chics. I hate skinny, cute chics. Wish I was one, but they still just piss me off.

Nope, no bikini's are on the list of my knitting projects.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Scary Big Hair Days

AAAAhhhhhh, the days when hair spray was hair spray. That old bottle of Vavoom used to be a weapon when the old boyfriend was trying to break into the sorority house, as well as aerosolized GLUE. Good old, making a hole in the ozone hairspray. Miss those days. Monica and I got big haired, went skiing through 2 snow storms and STILL had big hair out at the clubs at the bottom of the mountain. Here's a pic I ran across and it made me all nostalgic.

Man, I miss the days of the big hair and slender thighs...we'd get half-done to go play cards at the afternoon bar, then home for big hair and out to the clubs.

Lisa, Lampy (creator of the biggest hair imaginable), Jildo, me, Monica heading out to Bruff's:

I'm a little Knittin Kittin

"Never keep up with the Jonses. Drag them down to your level."
--Quentin Crisp (1908-1999)

Beth's first day of 2nd grade was today. She went for the 1/2 day and is spending the afternoon resting with Grandma in her 6th grade classroom (they had early dismissal as well). She did great, but looked so tired!

Well, one good thing came out of the "weekend of the head injury." I was smart enough to grab a blanket & stuffed animal for Beth (it was FREAKING cold in the sad little er room we were stuck in), a water bottle & my KNITTING. Almost forgot it, as I was running out the door, grabbed a few things and must have instinctively grabbed the bag. SO, spending 5 1/2 hours in a smelly little er room with no tv NEXT to the bathroom where you got to listen to people throw up and one old guy that pooped on the floor and laughed about it, was MUCH more pleasant with Jildo's scarf along. I added about 6 inches to the thing and now can't find the book to see how long it's supposed to be. I'm making the keyhole scarf in the Stitch N Bitch book, but with different funky yarn. Pic's are below in a previous post. I think I only have about 2 or 3 more inches to go and I'm DONE!

I'm moving on up to the next level of stitchery, don't have a CLUE what I'm doing, but I'm gonna start and every time I get stuck, go in to the little knit shop in Olathe and find a nice old lady to show me what to do next. Their customers just hang out in the back corner stitching away the day. That's how I learned to stitch in the round. The cool, trendy, BIG knitting shop in Overland Park is gorgeous, but there's no one there to HELP. They can all help you make a scarf, but I'm in scarf limbo. Gotta get out....Here's my next project. I figure the not-eating-at-night-cause-I'm-knitting diet thing will allow me to look all hot in this one:

I'm motivating myself to get Jildo's scarf DONE before I go get yarn for the new project.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Family Pictures

OK, I'm VERY slowly finding and scanning photos of our little family. Here's one of the three of us at the Cystic Fibrosis 2004 walk.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."
--Fran Lebowitz

That's why God invented Blogs. Ok, HE didn't invent them, but where else could we all record a history of our mundane lives and get addicted to following along with others' boring life stories also?

SO, spent most of last night out at 90th St. and Parallel Parkway in good old KCK. Nope, wasn't pulling in $$ by hooking, my daughter was on her first "big girl" sleep-over party out at the Great Wolf Lodge with her best friend Imory and her mom. They went out about 3pm and at 7pm, Beth was walking along next to one of the indoor pools and slipped and fell straight back on her head. I guess the life guard saw it happen and was immediately keeping her still and applying ice and all that. She said she thought she felt ok, they went back to the hotel room and she couldn't see and started violently throwing up. Her mom called me and she said she had the nurse on staff check her out and Beth needed to get to the hospital. SO, shortened version is I made it across town and through construction and was from my door to the ER at Providence in 13 minutes. I don't think that is humanly possible, but it was amazing. I was careful, not to worry, but I hauled serious ass and the big guy (or more likely his momma Mary as she was always the concerned mom) up in heaven got all the old people and idiots out of my way and I was able to fly. SO, turns out the poor little thing had a pretty serious concussion. They did a cat scan of her head and she had very minimal swelling, and after a couple of hours she could focus her eyes again. She knew where she was, and who she was, but other than that the little thing was so pale and had these big black shadows all over her face. It was freaky. She ended up having to get shots in both legs (at the same time) to stop the barfing. After that, she was pretty much ok and passed all their neurological tests and we went on home. The trip home was much more careful and it took 42 min's. For the next couple of days she just has to lie around and rest.

Mom offered to take her after the early dismissal on Monday to save my ass at work. I can't imagine telling them I'm taking part of another Monday off. They'd think I was the smart one and interviewing. NOPE, I've just got kiddos that are having a rough time lately. I don't have the energy to start looking. I'd love to have a great job offer, but then I'd probably have to work a lot harder. I kind of like being left alone. I love that I'm not micro-managed. Pretty much I just have to do my job, check in once a week and keep out of the line of fire. I hate the crazy people, the evil attitude that permeates the very recycled basement air we breathe and the LOW pay (even though the owners keep telling me how generous they are--I just don't think they realize that in this century, educated analysts in KC area are paid $40-75K. $40 being WAY above me right now.) I shouldn't be surprised, but still I'm kind of disappointed. I mean, one of our owners uses a printer that takes 8 hours (i kid you not EIGHT hours) to print off her weekly reports we send down rather than spend $50 for a new one that would zip them out in minutes. I guess the standard of using things until they don't work any more has served them well, I mean they vacation all the freaking time in Australia, the Bahamas, fly whenever and where-ever in style, so the poor little single-mamma should learn something from them, but I STILL need more money to survive much longer. Heck, I throw away a pot when it looks a little too crusty to get clean. (that's when I actually USE a pot for something that resembles cooking I guess)

Guess I'll have to pull my head out of my butt and start working on the resume and crap. Maybe later.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Will this day ever end?????

"I tried a dessert called 'Death by Chocolate' but it only made me stronger."
--from a Hallmark card I got in the mail

Man, it's still cool to get a letter in the mail. Heard from an old friend from way back in my dating-the-first-hubby days. She also is divorced from the butt-head she married (actually her butt-head ex was best friends with my butt-head ex.) We should have looked out for each other better. Actually the problem was we'd all go out together and she & I'd have fun and the butts would have fun, we didn't realize what a pain the guys were until we each moved away and we were stuck with them by ourselves. Ah well, I wouldn't have the munchkins and she wouldn't have her little one either, so we're all better, stronger women now I guess.

I'm here all alone....just me and the bitter ones. Everyone slightly normal is out on vacation, sick, or moved to TX. I think I'll hide quietly, maybe no one will notice I'm here. Cleaned off my desk, I actually saw the fake wood plank again, woo hoo what excitement down in the basement.

I'm taking the Joe-man out mini golfing at Incred-A-Bowl. Then, my cousin's coming over and it's off to the boats. I'm gonna take me some money from the old guys. :) Please, please, please let time move forward................

Nellies gone wild

Forgot to say Russell had the time of his life at the Barbie Convention in Chicago. OMG I guess the special convention entertainment on the last night was a trip. Bob Mackie is the guy who designs amazingly beautiful and EXPENSIVE collector barbies. He also does a lot of celebrities. He came out for a few minutes and spoke and then introduced two of his real-life models.

Dionne Warwick came out and sang a song, and the crowd went wild. You have to realize these people are seriously possessed women and very nelly gay men who spend all their money and all their energy finding, dressing, trading, etc. these barbies. It's like a cult. Addicting even for me and I have a few barbie accessories is all.

SO after the crowd went wild, and things went on, CHER came out and sang the Jack song from Will & Grace.... "If I could turn back time...." and Russell & Mark's table was right up by the stage. I guess she came striding down the stairs, put her arm on Russell's shoulder and sang into his face. Mark was doing his Cher impression, Russell was trying to breathe, and nellies were screaming and fainting to put the 60's fans of Elvis to shame. I would have paid any amount of money to see that. God, I am laughing just thinking about it. What a rush, I was so excited for Russell. It's even better than the Jack episode where he tells the real Cher to keep working on her impression...."If I could turn back time..."

Friday the 13th

"If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people."
--Bobby Slayton

Well, the mysterios rash of Friday and Monday sicknesses goes on. Wonder who's interviewing today? Even the newest new girl was sick yesterday. The last 2 newbies we had who were "sick" in their first week were working on lining up better jobs. Hmmmm. Well, this new one seems to be pretty good at her job and not so LOUD and GRABBY as the last one. Two of our regulars are out today. What sucks is I was out last Monday sick because Beth really WAS sick, no playing hookey even! Burned another day of vacation that I'm gonna miss come Christmas-time.

It's FRIDAY!!!! Thank God and all that. It's been a long-ass week and I'm ready to get out and not have any obligations for a while. Beth's off to the Great Wolf Lodge for a sleep-over bday party with her friend Imory and her mom. Should be fun. Totally forgot to get a PRESENT as it's a BIRTHDAY, so got to do that before I get her dropped off at her friend's house this afternoon. You know, it's a sad sad thing when you're looking around your house at 1am trying to think, could this be a present for a little girl???

I used to be so organized, I was super-mom. Of course, I wasn't working full-time back then. I had this amazing idea of the "present box". Whenever the kids got a present they already had, or I saw a great sale at Target I'd stock up on stuff and put it in "the box." Then, whenever we had a last-minute gift need, I'd go to the box, pull some lovely wrapping paper out and be ready in an instant. The last bday party we went to we ran by Osco to their NOT very cool toy aisle and the gift ended up wrapped in "kraft paper" (ok a paper bag turned inside out) that the kids colored on the way to the party. Beth colored a card (copy paper folded up) and Joey "decorated" the package. Amidst all the lovely bags with cascading ribbons, shiny papers, stickers, etc. was our sad little package. One of the moms next to me told her friend, "I wish I had the time and energy to have my children be so creative" when the little girl opened our gift. I thought, lady, 3 1/2 minutes will inspire creativity you would not believe, but just smiled and looked like one of those moms who make cookies from scratch, bake our own soap and the like. Man, I'm lucky if my kids even get bathed every day. I'm guilty of the smell test when things are really rushed. If I can't smell you from across the room, we'll just use a washcloth for the dirty face and knees and wet down your hair, you're good to go. Good thing I only had 2 of them, how did Grandma do it with 14 kids????? Man, Grandpa would have had to find another freaking room to sleep in if it were me.

Also, Damn Damn Damn the Little Debbie company for making nutty bars. damn damn damn. Ate 3 packages last night, that means 6 nutty bars. Good thing I had a kid to give one to or I would've eaten the whole box. So much for master of my domain, the domain crumbled like crunchy peanut buttery chocolate covered cookies....

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap."
--Dolly Parton

High Points of the day:

#1 --> saw a guy PEE outdoors this morning, that'll wake you up. Running late, I thought I'd head to Santa Fe exit to bypass all the congestion on 119th, then got stuck waiting for a train. Sat there, be-bopping to the kids' Shrek 2 cd (yes, I'm a geek, can't help it) and watched a guy 2 cars back of me get out, walk to the trees and whip it out to pee. I'm looking around, and no one else notices the guy. I thought I was hallucinating, but then figured if I was, he'd be better equipped.

#2 --> the roly polies are all scared of the mighty bug-squishing woman, haven't seen any so far.

#3 --> I'm all officially registered for my ladies classic professional bowling tournament the weekend of Aug. 20th out in Gladstone, MO! Woo Hoo, now I've got to get BUSY practicing and get the new balls drilled & worked out. My little workout sessions have actually paid off here. Not only can I now wear the skirts I used to bowl in, but also have all this stamina and energy and am not worn out after 4 games. I've got 9 games qualifying on Sat. Last year I was in the money until about the 6th game, got tired and TANKED. This year I'm out for blood, baby. (I SAID I was a geek, ok?)

#4 --> I'm not this guy. I guess losing 20 pounds is a lot easier than 800 pounds. How sad is that that AFTER losing 321 pounds, you still can't turn over in bed by yourself??? How sad is it that now I'm hungry for a bag of oreos?


Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

"I'm so much hipper in my mind than in reality"
--from my new Simply She Journal

You know what's sad? The day you realize your children have better social lives than you do and they're 7 and 4.

Cousin Kevin's emails from Iraq

My cousin Kevin is over in Iraq working for his company doing computer crap. He said I could post his emails for us to follow along with his adventures. Here's the link:

I'll add Kevin's pics tonight. They're pretty cool too. I'm waiting on his first few emails he sent to add also. There's one with him and some nfl cheerleader that was going overseas to cheer up the troops.

Later Monday

"It is better to be a bad original than a good copy."
--The Marquise du Defand

Got the scanner to work, but the software to crop and make things all pretty SUCKS and it won't work....here's the pic's of my not-quite-ready-to-felt party purse to be: for other knitting virgins like me, it will be soft and fuzzy and look totally different when it's felted, can't wait!

Here's the scarf for Jildo. I'm almost done and so excited. It really looks better in person than on my scanner, so don't be worried Jildo!

I'm so addicted to this knitting thing. It seems I'm also what's known as a knitting snob as I am obsessed with petting all the pretty fibers in the knitting shop. I'm like a junkie, good thing I'm POOR! Oh well, until I finish these projects and the other scarves I've got started for the kids I can't add to the stash. MAN I can't wait until I can make sweaters, there are so many cute designs I'm dying to try!

Sad thing that the highlight of the day at work was my triumph over the roly polies. Another one bites the dust at work. One of the pretty good admin ladies put in her 2 DAY notice today. That area was the one we just lost the newest hire, things are gonna get stressful around there, but I'm staying OUT of it. The few good people are looking (and finding) better paying jobs elsewhere with people that are not evil, bitter, soul-sucking employees to work with. I mean, where else can I work that I get in trouble for putting the roll of toilet paper on backwards???? That's pretty unique. Sad, but true.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Monday, August 9, 2004

"The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender."
--Anne Boleyn (1507-1536)

Just squished my 12th roly poly of the day. I feel like a bug serial killer. This basement office is over-run with the little critters. Just glad it's not anything bigger & slimier.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Sunday, August 8, 2004

"Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch."
--David A. Schmaltz

OK, gotta create a family-friendly blog for the grandma's and Aunt Angie and such. Poor Aunt Angie. My little bro Will and Raegen came by for a quick visit before he got back on the plane for Florida. He HAD to bring up the "boys town" part of Chicago. Will doesn't stop there, once she realized it wasn't the nice organization you donate $$ to for underpriviledged kids, no, he started naming names of the bars....the man hole, the back door, etc. I thought Angie was going to die. You gotta give the lady credit, she turned awfully pale, but didn't say a word and just smiled weakly until it was over.

Raegen and a few of her girlfriends want to go to Missy B's for the drag show, so RUSSELL, get it together and organize a trip down there soon!!!

Went to Hallmark, OMG I've gotta get that barbie shoe tree thing for Xmas....It's like $20 and it's just ME ME ME. Put it on the list for Santa. I've been pretty good this year, still have a lot of time to kiss ass yet. Can't wait to see pic's of Russell's time at the Barbie convention. Wonder if Mark made it through without screaming and ripping heads off a few dolls???

Knitting update: Went to TOWN this weekend on the keyhole scarf (yes, another freaking scarf) for my friend Jildo. Jildo had an unfortunate accident with a long scarf that got caught and ended up thrown to the ground, scraping her little nose, so I'm making the chic a little scarf that won't go anywhere it's not supposed to. Pics coming soon, the server for photobucket is not behaving).

Saturday, August 07, 2004

KNITTING finally

All right, I started this blog as a record of my knitting adventures as well as to record thoughts on the crazies I work with and the strange men I date and my friends and such.

Completed my 3rd scarf, ready to move to bigger and better things. I made the scarf on the left out of this FABULOUS yarn from Schaefer Yarns. It's so colorful, bumpy and soft! I love it. I made the one on the left and it's too cool. I'm now working on one in colors that resemble camouflage for Joey and one in BRIGHT pinks, purples and such for Beth for this winter.

I've decided I now LOVE knitting in the round. I'm such a knitting virgin, branching out seems almost sinful. I've got the tube knitted on this little party-purse but I'm not doing any fluff or extra stuff. I'm using a Noro Japanese yarn that is gorgeous in muted earthy rainbow colors and going to felt it. I've now got to learn how to do the handles and I'm almost ready for washing. Can't wait.

I'll add my own pic's once I get the new digital camera and get the finished product out. OMG I'm now addicted and have all these sweater patterns I can't wait to try. I can decrease, can't figure out the increase thing yet, use my Stitch N Bitch book for pretty good directions, but need HELP! Our new knitting shop has an amazing supply, great stitching room, but NO help. Most of the employees don't teach anything other than plain old knit & pearl stitches. The old shop in town is tiny, crammed with goodies, and has pretty helpful customers that come in to stitch, so I'll probably head over there to see if some nice lady can help a sista out.

This guy's knitting blog cracks me up! It's inspiring to see the finished products all these people can come up with. Makes me hope I'll be doing more than scarves, scarves, scarves...

Saturday, August 7, 2004

"If your horse dies, get off."

I don't know why I like that quote, I just does. Had "the talk" with the Italian man and he took it pretty well. Ate VERY good lasagne and fettucini (how do you spell that?) at Casconies, to die for. Made an absolute piggy of myself. We decided to be good friends that got together once in a LONG while, went out dancing, had a pretty good night. Maybe I should write a book on how to break up with someone and get them to think it's their idea. I am truly gifted, probably because I've dated entirely too many people in my long long life.

Went to Home Depot for the kids craft this am. Very cool, made periscopes that actually work. Beth is really gifted with the hammer, I hardly had to help at all this time. Joey is absolutely dangerous and thinks he's ready for power tools, a perfect little tool-man. I crack up because they have these little home depot orange aprons with pockets and Joey fills his up with nails and was almost grunting this morning. I'm gonna have to find those old "tool time" shows with Tim the Tool Man Taylor for him. I'm going to do some "ladies" classes and learn "power tools 101" and get the girls to go along. You get to build cool crap like a potting bench, table, and other perfectly not-useful things made out of 2X4's. They're called do-it-herself clinics.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Sassy Journal

Ok, I love love love my little journal/notes-to-go book! I got it at Borders and LOVE IT! It's got cool pages that tear out with little funny sayings along the edge. The one I used today said "You're not bitter, you're cynically hopeful." Another fave of mine is "You're not alone. I don't like your boyfriend either."


Why can't I come up with crap like this? I've got the bad attitude, the over-abundance of sassiness, a little creativity (ok a lot more with some chocolate martini's, but still). Yup, I'm gonna have a drink/creative session with Russell and we're coming up with our own line of journals, note cards and the like. Something with a combo of his old-fashioned barbie style and my attitude...could be good. If not, at least we'll have good drinks.

Friday, August 6, 2004

"It is easier to stay out than to get out."
--Mark Twain

Isn't that the danm truth? Well, I'm going out to dinner with the Italian Stallion tonight, and it's probably going to be one of those uncomfortable ready-to-run-any-minute kind of things. I went into this with the standard..."I'm not wanting a relationship, I just want to go out once in a while and have some fun..." crap and that didn't work. He called 4 times last night FOUR TIMES. Then on each message he apologized for bothering me, but he missed me, then he apologized for missing me....OH MY GOD. No, I didn't answer the phone last night because Italian man was bothering me and old-guy-Kenny called twice as well also to apologize for bothering me at Quick Trip and let me know he's going to leave me alone since he cares so.

PLUS I forgot to write that as I stopped off for my daily diet coke fix at the old Quick Trip last week, I pulled up to the curb, got out and OUT jumped old-guy Kenny! My old sugar-daddy-wanna-be. He had a diet coke and the newspaper for me. I got back in the truck, locked the door and thanked him sweetly, asked him to remember that if he cared about me as he said, he'd consider me out of his life and will concentrate on his WIFE. I drove off, poured out the diet coke and went to Sonic for two big-ass breakfast burritos. mmmmmm.. I'm hungry now, think they'd notice if I snuck out for a burrito? bacon....mmmm... damn 3 more hours till lunch.

In one of my myriad quote books, I stumbled on a cute list of how to know "he" is not the "Mr. Right":
--He spends more time talking to his mother than to you
--You hesitate when his name comes up on caller id (or like me you yell at the phone and push the ignore button)
--You've never pictured him without his clothes on (ok any old guys I've dated fall in here)
--You wear your comfy cotton undies instead of a new lacy thong
--You don't shave your legs right before the date

SO, fun weekend planned, probably breaking it off with Italian man (why should I have to break up when there wasn't supposed to be a relationship ANYWAY???) playdates for the kids, bday parties for my friend's daughter and we're GOIN' TO THE FAIR!!! OK, I actually LOVE the fair, my kids are like "whatever, Mom" about it. :)

Woo hoo what a wild life I lead. At least I get to wander around looking at cows & sheep & smelling funnel cakes & cotton candy. (I'm still master of my domain even though Marvin brought a TON of doughnuts yesterday to work.) FIT into one of my old skirts again, so maybe this eating vegetables, fruit, meat and other non-processed food and exercising crap really works.....still miss funnel cakes....mmmmm.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Chicago Pictures are Here!!

Check out the cute chics in Chicago!!! Man, that was too much fun. Ok, I warn you, I traveled with 3 Asian girls, so we took a LOT of freaking pictures and they're all posed. My total fave is here, hot policeman, yummy... DAMN I forgot how pretty he was.

Here we are at the train station ready for dim sum for breakfast. The picky eating white girl was actually putting away some serious eggrolls and pickled cucumbers at 9 in the morning. Probably why all those asian girls are so damn thin!

Here's the real hotties, I had so much fun on this trip!!! We ate ate ate and shopped shopped shopped and danced with stinky men, what else could you ask for?

Here's the whole batch of pictures...

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Weekend Update

"Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?"
--Carrie Snow

Friday I worked ALL day as usual, but mom & dad took the little munchkins out to my grandparents in western KS for me! NO KIDS woo hoo and all that! Got my sessy toes redone, and now the Korean women love me AGAIN! They were giving me that smiling through gritted teeth while they cussed me out thing at first and I smiled and said "toes please?" I said "everywhere I go men love my toes, thank you so much" and I was in like Flynn. Back to real smiles, GOOD lookin flowers, and not only did they charge me the rate for regular ped and I got all the extras of the spa ped, but I also didn't get charged for the sessy flowers! Man, I've got to get a life that that was about the highlight of the day.

Went to the boat and played a little Texas Hold-em. Flirted with a cutie next to me, remembered I wasn't picking up any more men at a gambling institution, let the fact that I'm a single mom and not interested in dating anyone from the poker room come up in conversation to scare him off...THEN learned he's a freaking ATTORNEY at a downtown KC lawfirm and apparently one of the partners as his jr. lawyer guy was out playing also....Damn. He was pretty too.... Did make about $300, big bucks for me, didn't get home till 4am.....I'm too old for that crap.

Sat & Sun--had a BLAST with the fam. My little girl Elizabeth was born 12 hrs after one of my cousins had a little girl named Elizabeth 7 years ago. They both have red hair, blue eyes and look almost like twins. Freaky. They got to play together and it was a crackup to see them running around and bugging their little brothers.

Caught up with my cousin Roger (very cute--trying to convince him to come to KC to go out w/ my friends to flirt w/him a little). We've decided we're tied on the worst dating stories.

My story--most of you already know, dating the "perfect" old guy, he went away when I wanted him to, didn't call every night, sent AMAZING flower arrangements, took me to the nicest restaurants & clubs, bought me jewelry, etc. a very good potential sugar daddy, until I answered the cell phone one night. The girl asked for me and I said, that's me, she said her name (same last name as the old guy) and I said, "what can I do for you" thinking it was his daughter, she said "STOP DATING MY HUSBAND." yup, that one sucked.

Roger's story--he was being set up with the "perfect girl for you" and started emailing back and forth.....only to realize later that they were actually 2nd cousins or something. The mutual friends they had all thought they were just perfect for each other and they were starting to get to know each other, when for some reason Roger's distinctive last name came up and she realized it sounded familiar. Turned out her grandpa and our grandpa were brothers. icky.

One of our cousins is a priest and had the best story of all. He was going through the meetings with the married couples right before they get married and he got a phone call from this lady about the couple, that they couldn't get married. Turned out they were BROTHER AND SISTER. The call was from their mom, who had given them both up for adoption and kept track of where they went in life when she realized they were about to GET MARRIED. I didn't ask if they were good catholics and didn't have sex yet or not, ICK...can you imagine????? I thought it was one of those urban legends, but apparently it was true.

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